Letters to the Editor
-
I suspect Lithwick has a wonderful relationship with her husband and the "helplessness" is part of a balanced relationship
Unlike shrew harpies that require tit for tat, OH EXCUSE ME, I mean tat for tat, and are busy counting everything to make sure everything is equal.
-
Holy Jumping Featherdusters, Batman
WOW, some strong opinions in here. I'm lazy and didn't jot down which anon said which delightful thing at what time, but I feel kinda bad for all of you, you've obviously been really hurt by someone, and it seems like Broadstreet is the only place where you can work out your anger issues. I'd strongly advise all of you (or one of you, if you're the same person) to talk to someone who can help you make peace with yourself. Life is too short to be that miserable.
To the topic at hand - my experiences tell me men and women can suck equally bad at the domestic arts. I know lots of men (esp in the 30-35 age bracket) that carry more than half of the household workload and an equal number of women that wouldn't know how to sew on a button if Jack Bauer was pointing a big gun at their heads. The way I see it, equality means we can succeed and suck with equal gusto.
Lots of things in our society perpetrate the myth that men are doofuses that can barely make it out of the house without the close supervision of a woman. Sitcoms, movies, women's mags - all tend to be generously sprinkled with Man-Boobs and the Amazing-Patient-Smart! women who tolerate them. IMHO, though, these factors are a lot less to blame for the pervasiveness of the idea than a good ole martyr complex. We humans are selfish, narcissitic creatures. We like to think that no one is as put-upon or stressed or hard-working as we are. To read the introwebs, you'd think every person with a blog was the only sane person on the planet, and marvel that these brave souls are still living, surrounded by all the idiocy and ineptitude. Men bitch and moan, women bitch and moan, the trick is to take all of it with a grain of salt and the realization that you're only hearing one (very biased) side of a story.
-
@ Anonymous 8:15 PM
The guy who said his wife is a screwup and a worthless human being: She hates you too. That's why she's not doing anything. Rest assured, if you guys even still have sex, she is faking her orgasms -- is she even bothers to that.
To the idiot, can't remember his name, who said guys built everything and now women should just clean the house: I am a woman. I paid good money that I earned myself for my car and my computer and all that other stuff you mentioned. I also hire a maid to clean my house twice a week. I don't need ya fella or guys like you. You are now unnecessary so get used to it.
As a single woman, I just came here to watch the fight and to be really glad I am single.
-
You may be faking your orgasm, but I'm not.
Uh, you can stop faking your orgasms now, I don't care.
-
Pisser
We're glad you're single, too, and we're making sure you stay that way.
-
you want to be in charge? you get to do it it all. You want REAL participation?
You can't be the one that dictates to "everyone" else the meaning of everything, what the priorities should be etc. etc. I'm not going to clean the house because it is full of useless crap that makes cleaning it take 10 times longer than it should. She likes her crap so she can clean it.
-
Second anonymous here
My wife is a just a blob, as I wrote earlier. No energy for family holidays, housecleaning, or social life for years.
Orgasms? Ha ha ha.
And I am tethered to this creature because a divorce would destroy me and my kids. Not that she would care.
If there are any men out there - read and heed.
Fuck housecleaning - that will be the least of your problems once the leech latches on.
-
Division of labor.
Everyone I know pretty much divides it along the rational lines suggested above.
For essential tasks - and that's probably the crux, we agree about what's essential - it's divided 50/50 flexibly so that when life happens to us in the form of illness or working late, etc., it gets picked up seamlessly.
For tasks that need to be done but don't *have* to be done, the person who cares more either does it or engages the other in pitching in.
For tasks that only one person cares about and that are totally optional, they do it, but the other usually pitches in to get it over with quicker.
For those tasks that are essential but one person has exacting standards that the other does not share but gets it done just as efficiently and effectively anyway - in other words if it's the *way* it's done someone takes issue with rather than it just getting done - then the picky person can do it themselves, or re-do it when the other does it their own way. The only specific example I can think of this is that my husband likes his t-shirts folded in a neat tight military fashion. I neither know how to do this nor care to know, and drawer space is not at a premium, so whatever, I just get the t-shirts roughly folded and in the drawers, for both of us. He rarely bothers to re-fold, though I wouldn't care if he did.
When skilled labor like plumbing, building real stuff, electricity beyond installing a new light fixture or similar is required, somebody gets called, because we don't know how to do that stuff.
Everyone I know is basically this way. Is this only a problem when one parent is a SAHM or somehow it's a very small town religious or conservative sort of place? I do know couples who are both slobs, but they have obviously drifted together, and have the same standards. Are these warring standards really just about not knowing the person well enough before marriage? Shouldn't you know that you both have a low chance of having habits that make the other want to throttle you *before* you marry?