Letters to the Editor
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Men notice it
Well said, Amy.
Another point to add is that men notice when they are looked down upon. One obvious response would be to respond in kind. So this kind of behavior doesn't exactly advance the cause of feminism. You have to give respect if you want to receive it.
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I think they might be just that helpless.
Mine is, and so are the husbands of all my best friends. These are all intelligent, sensitive, modern guys. They mean well but don't get it. And you can't force someone to care about doing laundry or dishes properly or not throwing dirty clothes on the floor, etc etc.
When you're lower middle class and battling hard to get through a busy life, it's easier to let it go than to fight about it. Early in our marriage (we're now nearing the 10-year mark), I tried hard to get my spouse to be neater and more concerned about germs. He tried to care more but couldn't. We fought a lot about it in addition to the other fights couples inevitably occasionally have. Now that I've let it go we almost never fight. I enjoy picking up after him way more than I enjoy fighting with him. And in so many other ways he is a great guy. Loves ballet and theater in addition to sports. Cares deeply about my feelings. Does flowers and frequent calls to say I love you. Is a great friend to hang out with. Cares for me when I'm ill. And so on. So now I focus on these good things.
Personally, I find the occasional eye roll or deep sigh is a helpful outlet for the tension.
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No they are not
It's becoming very pervasive in our society. Men are portrayed as stupid bumbling idiots. TV commercials, sitcoms, letters to publication like yours, etc. It seems like men are the ones who don't know how to clean, personal hygiene, undisciplined, insensitive, walk around being led by their penises. This is absolutely untrue. Unfortunately women who find and marry/keep the kinds of men that all these complaining wives wish they had never say a word. Like Bonnie Raitt said "don't advertise your man".
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Glenn Sacks has been talking about father bashing for ages. You have ignored him.
Sacks has noted that fathers are treated in the media for being idiots and has campaigned against this.
Broadsheet Feminists(TM) ignored him.
Sacks has noted that women are treated poorly by the media.
Broadsheet Feminists(TM) ignored him.
You can find more about his series of men in tv, advertising, and media here: http://glennsacks.com/blog/?cat=51
Perhaps you should examine ALL of his writings: http://glennsacks.com
Is it any wonder that you folks are excoriated by your readers for intentionally having your head in the sand?
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Helpless?
Why are some men "helpless" if they do not prioritize home orderliness to the extent of some women? Socks on the floor are not the end of the world people!
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Right! On!
I am so sick of the men-are-incompetent gag. It is getting very old, sisters. And please do not mistake it for feminism. It is the same old sexism repackaged in pink, giving men a pass for being SO bad at doing "women's" jobs - OMG! just like women are SO bad at "men's" jobs! Math is haaaaard. Spare me.
And may I just add that, ideology aside, it hurts people's feelings to suggest that they are incompetent boobs? And that hurting your man's feelings might not be the best hting for your relationship?
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DON'T GET BUTTONHOLED
I was 21 when I married my 27 year old husband. Until we married, he had been living on his own since he went off to college. Imagine my surprise when just weeks after the honeymoon, he interupted my reading one night to announce that he was out of clean underwear. I knew what he was insinuating, and suggested he get a move on it because Sears closed at 9. He asked if I couldn't just throw his whites in the wash. I responded "why can't you?" He explained to me that he didn't know how to work our new washer. "Oh, I can help you out with that" I replied. "it's just like the Laundromat except you don't need quarters."
A few weeks later, as we were both dressng for work, he showed me a dress shirt and said "It's missing a button." "Throw it out!" I told him. He said "can't you just sew a button on it?" I asked him if he knew how to sew, and when he told me no, I informed him that I didn't know either. He developed a very close relationship with the drycleaners after that.
Women have to stop assisting men's efforts into turning us into their mommys. There are a million good reasons to do things for one's spouse. "Because my mother always did it for my father" isn't one of them.
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Maybe things haven't changed so much after all?
My husband certainly does at least as much housework as I do, but judging from the parenting message boards I frequent (which are populated primarily by women), he is in the minority. I'm constantly dismayed by the endless tales of frustration with husbands/male partners who do not contribute to household maintenance, or who do not seem to appreciate how much work it is for their wives/female partners to handle this work alone. I hesitate to assume that all or even most of these women are engaging in inaccurate stereotyping. Perhaps the reason they are complaining about male domestic helplessness is that it is still a significant reality?
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Thanks for that post, Amy
There have been posts right here on Broadsheet that have made me want to write in and question/critique the very attitude you bring up. But each time I've reasoned that there wouldn't be a point, since it seems to be so pervasive.
Case in point, the Anonymous whose friends all have helpless husbands. Imagine her indignation if she discovered that all those husbands chatted so dismissively and patronizingly about their wives.
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They get away with it because they CAN
I, too, am sick of the whole "men are helpless around the house" schtick. It's not true and it's not cute. I do think many women perpetuate it with their boyfriends, husbands and sons. They should STOP.