Letters to the Editor
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The most important MIL skill
I am grateful to have a wonderful mother-in-law. Part of what makes it easy is that she's just a really sweet person. But my own mom is also a nice person; and when I contrast my mom's behavior toward my husband with my MIL's behavior toward me, I note that a key part of my MIL's wonderfulness is that she does not interfere. In any way. No comments, not even any questions that could possibly be interpreted as judging. If we need something, she shows up and helps out, and maybe shares the story of when she did the exact same stupid thing that I just did, then we laugh about it and have a cup of tea and enjoy each other's company. I wish every woman could have a mother-in-law like her.
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Cut the cord.
Why can't jewish mothers cut the cord with their sons? It stunts their growth, and pretty much messes them up for life. It's taking me years to undo the damage my MIL caused.
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like my MIL, i just don't love her
It a weird disconnectedness to me. Am I supposed to love her? How can I? I don't really know her. We are of very different generations and background and interests.
She's a nice lady. Other than her son, I don't have much in common with her. And her son doesn't have much in commom with her either! I already have a mom (and she's a handful!) and I don't really need or want another. I appreciate how she raised her son, both the good and the bad and respect her insight into their family dynamic. But I think the forcing of the "you have to love each other" thing is part of the problem. Why can't we just be friendly and leave it at that?
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In Laws
My own mother had the mother in law from hell problem (much as I loved my grandmother, she was sneaky, malicious, gossipy, and quite vicious when the mood took her), so she has always treated my wife with extreme delicacy. The odd thing has been that my wife gets along better with my mom than I do, and I get along better with her mom than she does. Go figure.
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@Canuckistan Bob
The odd thing has been that my wife gets along better with my mom than I do, and I get along better with her mom than she does.
Perhaps not so odd. It might be why you and your wife connect.
MWise, I agree that love can't be forced, but the in-law relationship should still be something beyond "friend." Friends you can dump, but you're basically stuck with family even if you don't like them. And in-laws are family. So, of course, friendly demeanor, but with the recognition that the in-laws are (within reason) part of the package deal in getting married.
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One of the lucky ones.
My mother adores my wife and has from the first time they met. Over the last 15 years she has taken to referring to my wife as her "West Coast daughter". I took my wife to meet my family soon after we decided to get married. We spent 2 weeks with them (They live in Virginia and we live in California) during that visit one of my sisters blurted out, to my wife, "We like you better then we like ". That has become a family joke. We call them every Sunday and my mother will spend 5 minutes talking to me and will then insist that I put my wife on the phone they then spend an hour talking.
I am so glad that my wife has blended in so well with my family. I've know men who's mother _HATED_ their wife and made their life a living hell.
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far away from me
here's hoping i never see or hear from mine again as long as i or any memory of myself or any trace of my life exists in this god-forsaken country. which will not be long.
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Give it time and a chance
In laws are part of getting married. You love the son/daughter, but you have no feelings toward the parent or siblings. Over time, however, patience and understanding can result in a peaceful coexistence. I loved my brother and sister-in-law from the first time I met them. My father-in-law is great. My mother-in-law was a nightmare. Over the course of the last 18 years, we have developed an ability to get along with one another. We both love my husband and our kids, and so we have learned to deal with each other. We will never be close, but we have learned to tolerate each other's company.
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force yourself on others
now *that* should create progress
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"paper divorce"
it's an idea. then they are no longer your in-laws.
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My wife's MIL (i.e. my mother) replaced me with her!
In my case, my mother (and my father) pretty much stopped talking to me and took my wife in as the daughter they never had.
Backstory: Although I am not evil, I am quite introverted and have a perpetual frown on my face whenever I go over to see my parents. My wife on the other had is a typical Miss Congeniality and has such a warm, magnetic personality, that you love her the moment you meet her.
So my parents probably said - screw this, why do we need to deal with this miserable wretch of a son now that we have her in our lives!
I definitely don't blame my wife. I don't really blame my parents - heck, I probably wouldn't like me either - but it sucks to be me because I have a sense of duty and loyalty to my parents until they croak, but it seems so futile to try to "rekindle" a relationship (i.e. between me and my parents) that no one wants to be a part of.
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in-laws!
I have a son-in-law who is the "quiet type".
When ever we have family get-together he walks away and only associates with his family.
If he insults members of my family, it is OK because he is the "quiet type".
If someone in our family insults him, (like mentioning him that he is ignoring us), he expects an apology. If he doesn't get it he will shun them!
He has already shunned them!
Last year my wife's mother died and my mother died.
He never showed any concern about it. He was more worried about the boat that he wanted to buy.
This threat should contain all in-laws.
I have in-laws that I love and that I hate!
All should be covered!