Letters to the Editor
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Deja Vu?
I would swear that this exact post followup post has been posted before...?
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What was relevant then and still relevant now is that:
a) statistically kids are more in danger from their mothers
b) next up is friends of the family
c) then you get to males and females outside the family
d) abuse there is very very very small
e) so when you find differences that men do this more than woman do, you are multiplying a very very very small number and still getting a very very very small number
f) so concluding that you can't trust men is ridiculous and harmful to everyone
g) but nevertheless, the large number of Broadsheet Feminists(TM) then, and now will just say, I have magical vaginal peace rays and so I am ignoring a)-f) and saying "Suck it men!"
The truth is that kids need fathers AND mothers and NOW and Broadsheet Feminists(TM) if they were interested in children and human rights would endorse rebuttable presumption of shared custody legislation.
Kids that are around their male and female parents will grow up to have a healthy respect and understanding of the opposite sex, and relationships, and have a better ego and maturity with which to deal.
Girls that are close to their father have a longer time before they become sexually active.
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False accusations are no joke
As a father of a teenage daughter, I coached girls' soccer for 8 years before she graduated to high school sports and I was very, VERY careful to never be alone with any of my players. If someone needed a ride home, my daughter had to come with me.
In this age of instant media a false accusation from a kid seeking attention can ruin your life forever.
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My father-in-law...
...was an Eagle Scout, many years ago. He'd always thought he'd volunteer with Boy Scouts after he retired. Fast forward to today, when for exactly these reasons, he won't volunteer.
A neighbor of theirs ended up in court, and eventually committed suicide because some neighborhood kids accused the man of molesting them. Everyone (neighbors, parents, police, etc.) believed the kids. It turned out in the end (after his suicide), that the kids recanted their story. The man had been grumpy to them for riding their bikes on his lawn, so they made it up.
It had a lasting effect on my FIL. He loves our kids to pieces, is a great grandfather, but absolutely refuses to volunteer with any kids other than ours. It's sad too, he's a gentle, patient soul, who loves to take the time to explain things and listen. He'd be excellent on field trips or teaching reading. But he won't.
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fear is safest approach
I will walk out of a restroom if anyone under 18 enters. I will not play pond hockey with anyone under 18 unless there is at least one person there I know. I will not acknowledge the presence of a child if the parents are not present. It is a very scary environment we have created; one in which adults are not believed and one in which men are seen as inherently dangerous. This is one of the pernicious effects of the hysteria surrounding "don't blame the victim" mentality. I live in a community that still believes the Duke lacrosse players are guilty. Can you imagine if they had been accused by a vengeful minor. I don't have a solution but most men I know are very cautious these days, lest their acts of kindness be misinterpreted as threatening.
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Fear of Fear, in fact
I never gave a damn about how I interacted with my own kids in public, and never ever had a problem. Well, not that kind, but like any parents you have to deal with the tantrums in the grocery store and crying jags on airplanes, but people around tend to figure out that the kid is the monster, not you; you are if anything simply ineffectual.
But I've also coached, and I operate child care centres, and that is a different kettle of fish altogether. I am never ever ever alone with children. Ever. In the daycares I will hold their hands when we walk (in a group, always a group, including other adults), but I won't hug them. With the coaching, I will touch kids in the course of instruction, but I will not pat them or hug them or anything like that.
(Not just the kids either, I am also very very conscious of my personal space and contact with women, especially in the workplace; they have to offer to shake hands first, for example.)
It really isn't for fear of the adults and parents so much, as it is for fear of the fear and reaction from the kids, who have often been deeply indoctrinated to fear men (and similarly the fear of women's fear of men).
Overall, it is mostly tiring, always having to keep your wits about you and be conscious of what you are doing and who is with you.
But what really gives me the night sweats are the male staff and volunteers I work with, trying to figure out what I would/should do if an accusation is made. That most terrible of accusations.
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Dang Do-Gooders
Let's hear it for unintended consequences!!
Once again people trying to do good, do bad.
An attempt to protect children ends up alienating men and children and how healthy can that be for all involved?
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It's Scary
I know of a schoolteacher coach who was accused of molesting a high school student. He would've gone to jail except that, on the witness stand, her best friend and supporting witness broke down screaming "I don't want to go to hell!" Turns out she and her friend had concoted the story to get back at the teacher for giving the accuser a bad grade.
Of course, the teacher settled out of court with the school district for the quite illegal way he'd been treated (and may well have settled for a tidy sum with other parties who slandered and maligned him, I'm not sure) and now enjoys a life of fishing and hunting. But he went through a year and a half of hell, and if that girl's best friend hadn't been so afraid of eternal retribution, he'd be labelled a sex offender, life ruined. I think, honestly, he'd rather he could've coached and taught for 40 years, but now he doesn't want to even be around anyone under the age of 21.
Men are right to be scared.