Letters to the Editor
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Jeri Ryan
It is interesting to remember in the midst of the scandals that Jeri Ryan (Mrs. Jack Ryan) divorced her GOP prude-for-others husband and told the court about the sex-club visits. So for every one of these women standing by their men in dark sunglasses, remember that they made a choice, sometimes years before to stand there, and they are standing there now. They have options.
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Now, Ms Harris,
I like to think that I am capable of penning a strong, vivid criticism of a writer without engaging in flaming, but your most recent work challenges my good nature. I respectfully suggest that you call on your sources on the Hill (Salon does still have sources on the Hill??) and find out a bit more about Suzanne Craig.
It has been an open secret for more than 20 years that the Craigs' marriage was a marriage of convenience. She gets the perks - and they are substantial, whether he leaves the Senate or whether he leaves her - of being married to a U.S. senator. She's had a pretty good life, and it will continue if hubbie is indeed hounded out of the senate.
I would like for Salon to list the perks that retired senators and their spouses receive. And please put a dollar value on them. Some of my fellow salonistas need to gain some perspective.
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Not buying "cuckquean"
An online etymological dictionary describes the origin of the word thusly:
cuckold
c.1250, from O.Fr. cucuault, from cucu (see cuckoo) + pejorative suffix. So called from the female bird's alleged habit of changing mates, or her authentic habit of leaving eggs in another bird's nest. The verb is 1589, from the noun.
On this basis, I think cuckquean is rubbish.
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Ain't nobody's business
At age 17, Linda Lee Thomas was married off to a wealthy, brutally abusive heterosexual man. Later, she became the wife of Cole Porter, who was (no doubt in anyone's mind) gay.
What people do in their private relationships and why they do it is their own business. Nobody on the outside can really know what goes on in a marriage anyway.
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Cuckold doesn't fit
Cuckold doesn't fit even if you feminize it, as the maternity of her children isn't in doubt. Considering that she's been married to a closeted gay man for 24 years, how about 'onanist'?
Or if you absolutely must, 'onanista'?
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NO NO NO
A cuckhold is someone intentionally being made fun of. There is zero point in making your husband cuckholded unless you intend to get him to catch you banging the cabana boy (or girl) in your marital bed. And then you laugh at him.
That's a cuckhold.
But if you're cheating on your wife (or beard) you never ever ever want to get in the position of accidentally on purpose getting caught. It's just bad form and legally harmful to you.
On the other hand, show me the hottest woman in the world and I'll show you some guy who's sick of banging her. So the feminine of cuckhold is 'future ex' or simply "that bitch".
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What do you call a female cuckold?
Easy; approachable for Business.
Married woman who have been cheated on are free to do whatever they want!
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cuckold the evolutionary basis for the double standard
cuckold means a parent is raising a child that may not be their biological offspring. And that has huge biological downsides in a world of scarce resources.
So, imagine hypothetical mammal. If the male is mating with multiple females, it doesn't cause any of the adults to question whether or not the offspring is theirs. All the adults have an evolutionary interest in raising offspring to reproductive age. The females definitely have an interest in preventing this to get more of the scarce resources for their offspring - but it's not a cuckold.
If the female is mating with multiple males, big issue. The males have no evolutionary interest in the offspring of other males. But they cannot tell which offspring are theirs.
Likely evolutionary response: violence towards the other male, violence towards the female, violence towards the offspring of questionable parentage, or abandonment
Sorry. But cuckold isn't an equal opportunity situation in the case of livebearing animals. And last I checked, humans are livebearers.
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ummmm....
I was under the impression that there was already a word for someone like Suzanne Craig.
Beard.
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Alternative to cuckquean:
Bearded Lady.
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Look to the classics
Penelope sat at home weaving while her husband was out having adventures. Maybe "Pennies"?
People get married and stay married for all sorts of reasons. The asexual wife who would just as soon her husband gets his needs met elsewhere became a stereotype for a reason. Who's to say these women aren't getting exactly what they want -- stability, status, companionship, whatever -- out of their atypical marriages?
Janet Hardy
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no worries
It terrifies us that sex might actually matter to women as much as it does to men
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It's in the OED
Cuckquean was first used back in the 16th century, but most recently in 1922 by none other than James Joyce in Ulysses, "A wandering crone..their common cuckquean."
I couldn't find any other, better, more contemporary words to fit the bill...
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How Bout Sexual Starvation
Is it unreasonable to think men that have been married for long periods of time and still have a strong sex drive might be being "frozen" out, and therefor looking elsewhere ? Whatever their sexual fetishes, if their marriage is anything like mine, sexual activity is significantly lower than my desires. I am currently torn what to do about it just yet, but how long does a man stay sexually unsatisfied before roaming ? When kids are involved it really creates a dilema. Now picture the wife who maybe has been told for years she is not satisfying her husband and now must publicly face the fallout of something she completely controlled.