Letters to the Editor
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Simple answer (although not for everyone :-)
Eighteen years ago I decided to stop pursuing sex. I'm now 60 years old and, after that much practice, I find I don't miss it. I socialize with women on occassion, but I don't socialize with anyone, male or female, very much. I find that not putting out any sexual energy means I don't get any back; it makes it really easy to get along in the world. I pursue other activities: paragliding, skiing, kite-boarding, meditation, programming, learning Spanish and Tibetan, etc. I am pretty good at most of those things, partially because I've not wasted energy on the kinds of insoluble conflicts demonstrated in the postings on this article!
Maybe I just gave up when I wssn't successful in The Game, but it sure seems OK to me.
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Relate?
Then you don't mind when women always expect you to pick up the tab, or otherwise treat you (men) as walking wallets?
If you are meeting women who treat you with disrespect or jsut don't see you - try different type of women. Not all women (or men) are shallow users of the opposite sex.
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@totoro: tl; dr
But I loved the movie!
Actually I did read your letter, and while I agree with the first couple of paragraphs if went completely dipshit on us as psychotherapists love to do with your bullshit claim that those that did not scratch that itch are the ones changing the world.
That is just the typical smug self-righteous pseudo self enlightened bullshit I am better than thou crapola that psychotherapists have been selling for years now and that got us into this overanalyzed its okay for Price to be a jackass mess that we find ourselves in.
Apart from that, I agree, and best wishes
The Catbus
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The "Real" Game
Generally, I enjoy Broadsheet and roll my eyes at a few of the regular trolls. At the risk of associating myself with the more vocal misogynists who post here, I'm forced to say that I was disappointed with Ms.(?) Price's article.
To start with is the use of the term "psychological manipulation". None of what Strauss describes in The Game (which, despite it's reputation, is not a how-to manual) is anything worse than studied flirting. All Mystery and other self-styled pick-up gurus have done is de-mystified the fine art of flirting with intent and turned it into a process that is easy to learn. Anyone who reads The Game hoping to become some Svengali-like figure with the ability to cloud women's minds will be sorely disappointed.
In addition is the way that Price describes the men involved. "Somehow... mildly endearing". "Sleazy". "Pathetic." "Jerks". The whole article has a condescending tone towards both the instructors and especially towards those who would learn from them Why? Apparently because they want to sleep with hot women and have gone about finding a method that gives them more success than they were having before.
While others have gone on (some rudely, some less so) about the plethora of women's magazines that feature articles about how women should flirt with men, there is a distinct dearth of similar information for men. In point of fact, men who wish to learn how to flirt better (or in many cases, at all) are viewed as pathetic losers for not being natural Casanovas. While the double-standard seems obvious, the bigger question to my mind is, "why is it so wrong for men to want to learn how to flirt"? What is inherently "pathetic" about acknowledging a deficiency in one area and setting about to try to improve it? Nobody would accuse Lance Armstrong of being pathetic for learning to race more efficiently; how does a man's wishing to do better socially make him somehow inferior?
The Game is no more psychological manipulation than is inherent in knowing how to put your best self forward. A woman knowing to mirror your body language or to touch your arm while laughing at a joke is equally as "manipulative" as knowing how to befriend and charm a group of strangers.
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Why don't people like The Game?
I agree there's somewhat of a rush to call other people losers for being unlucky in love...but I think you're overlooking some of the other reasons women may find pickup artist guides objectionable:
1. While many of the techniques discussed are just ordinary common sense flirting, they're sold as the magic way to understand how all women think and how to get any woman into bed. Many people find such broad generalizations offensive. I say "people" because some men object quite loudly when comparable books for women claim to have them all figured out. I know a number of men who despise The Rules and He's Just Not That Into You for similar reasons.
2. While many of the techniques discussed are just ordinary common sense flirting, the people who teach them and adhere to them frequently refer to women in demeaning or disrespectful ways. Again, I'm aware that there are a number of dating books for women that are similarly objectifying...and to my knowledge, many men dislike those books and the women who read them.
3. Beyond the two moral objections, I think that some of the scorn (at least on my part) is based on an assumption that most of the popular pop-culture guides to improving one's love life are useless at best and borderline scams at worst. Yeah, that goes for Cosmo dating tips too, and fad diet books along with them.
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If it makes you feel manipulated, it's manipulation
Finn, I can't speak to the book. As I said earlier, I haven't read it. But I WAS an unwitting test subject for Neil Strauss, and his techniques that night at least fell out of the normal range of flirting and into "big jerk" territory. Perhaps in the book his techniques don't read as manipulation, but I ended up feeling pretty lousy.
I sat down to talk with him and ended up being treated like a bubble-headed idiot. I found it odd: earlier he introduced himself and talked to me a bit, and was really quite charming and interesting. He went back to his group and I thought, "Wow, what a nice guy." Then he walked back over, persuaded me to sit with him, and acted like an entirely different person - glib, snarky and really disrespectful. Just kind of mean. The change in his personality was striking. Now, of course, it makes sense. At the time, I was a little bit shaken. And that's no way to make anyone feel - especially someone you're trying to "pick up."