Letters to the Editor
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let’s chat
Has anyone noticed lately that certain electronic forms of communication seem to be replacing verbal communication? Forms that wouldn’t be picked up by a digital recorder and are especially popular with young adults? I believe the young people refer to these new non-vocal forms as “texting” and “messaging”.
And has anyone who has been in a college classroom lately, or around these young people, noticed who seems to use these non-verbal ways to talk more, males or females?
Just wondering.
At least one recent study seems to point in the direction of young females using texting (which would not be picked up on a recorder) more than young males to “talk” to social contacts:
Kim, Joohan. and Jin, Borae. "In a Different Voice (and Text): Gender Differences in Communication Motives and Uses of Mobile Phone" Paper presented at the annual meeting of the International Communication Association, Sheraton New York, New York City, NY Online . 2007-07-08
Publication Type: Conference Paper/Unpublished Manuscript
Abstract: Cell phone (or, mobile phone) provides two interpersonal channels: voice call and text messaging. This study examines gender differences in interpersonal motives and uses of mobile phone. The six interpersonal motives (inclusion, affection, control, pleasure, escape, and relaxation) were measured in the contexts of using voice call and text messaging, respectively. The results suggest that people prefer text messaging to voice call to satisfy their interpersonal needs. As for gender differences, (a) women have higher level of interpersonal motivation than men in using two channels, (b) women use text messaging more frequently than men, and (c) men use voice call slightly more than women. The implications of these results were discussed in terms of women’s uses of media technology. We concluded that interpersonal media such as mobile voice call and text messaging were efficient tools for maintaining interpersonal relationships and fulfilling communication motives, especially for women.
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I'm seconding A.K.A. Smith
I'm also walking away from intimate relationships with men, in a large part because the first thing a lot of men do when they propose one is attempt to somehow put me down. They look for a weakness and immediately pounce, using it prove how superior they are to me, or even how inferior I am to other women. This even happens before the first date, and I am always amazed when it's followed up by a suggestion for a date.
If they think I'm so awful, why are they trying to date me? What's the point of attempting to have a relationship with someone you so clearly despise?
If they don't do that, they toss out bimbo bait, like expensive belongings, high-risk hobbies or other kinds of flash. I consider that just as much of an insult as well as just as much of a puzzle. Do they really want women who want them for this stuff?
The bottom line is that what I want most at this point in my life is peace, quiet and room to grow, and intimate relationships don't seem to offer that. That's really what it comes down to.
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The early insult
I've been wondering what this about too. The bimbo bait stuff has been around forever, but what is the early insult. It is there when I am trying to be polite and make small talk. Sometimes they offer the insult and immediately afterward an indication to see me again. I wonder if this function is somehow about how I respond to the early insult. I usually just ignore it. Do they somehow think my ignoring it makes me an easy mark?
Another thing they do is use the word logical as a weapon. At any point where our views may diverge and I think we are merely having a minor difference, they will say I am not logical. It is as if they think logic is male territory alone. Since I once took a class in logic and received an A and since I enjoying thinking about things in an analytical way, I think something else is going on here besides me not being "logical." For instance, if I say I prefer pizza after the movie rather than before, I may suddenly find myself labeled as not logical.
I never date the early insult guys. Why bother. I do date the guys who use the logic word as a weapon. I have actually worked out a system.
First of all, let me say that I am not easy when it comes to sex. I like to REALLY get to know a person. So I have a rule about a 2 month minimum before sex. Then I use the logical word to go from there. Let's say on the first date the guy plays the logic card. I add another week to my minimum. There after, everytime he uses the logic card, I add another week to my minimum. Now I find that I am almost never having sex. It never gets there. I don't do this to punish the guy. I just have doubts about where a relationship can actually go if a guy does not respect me. The logic card means that, in the future, everytime I disagree with a guy he is going to dismiss my POV with "NOT LOGICAL."
I also know that some guy is probably going to say that my system is not logical. I don't care.
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Everything isn't so black and white
In my opinion, the problem with so many of these Broadsheet threads is that they devolve so quickly into men saying "all women do x" and women saying "all men do y". It's so ridiculous! You can skewer me all you want, but men and women aren't so different from one another, and in my experience people who talk like that have very little experience with members of the opposite sex. All of the men I know who have real friendships with women know that all women don't think alike and they also know that they have more in common with many women than with many men-- in terms of interests, types of conversations they enjoy, you name it. And vice versa.
Just the other day I was upset about something but didn't want to talk about it with my (newish) boyfriend because it wasn't that big a deal and I knew once I had thought about it for a few minutes I'd get over it, so I just wanted to change the subject and forget about it. But he pressed until I told him, and then he said something along the lines of "I think the difference between us is that I would rather talk out these kinds of things and you'd rather deal with them on your own." I was floored, not because I assumed that men don't talk, but because I had been in a relationship for years with someone who never talked about anything so I was used to being the commnunicative one. But the point is, some men don't talk about their feelings and some do...just like some women do and some don't. We're all just human beings. Geez.