Letters to the Editor
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both smith and the parson have valid points, unfortuately the only hope of figuring out ANYTHING that might suggest a useful way to move forward
would be to study and acknowledge the real differences between males and females and at least try to figure out something that will work for everyone. It wouldn't be easy to do and probably there is no way that everyone can live in world designed to make them completely comfortable. The good news is that no one is going to have to worry about making these decisions because women are convinced if they hold out long enough they can obtain unconditional male surrender. They are probably right.
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@ Parson Jim, who said, "Left wing feminists and right wing traditionalists both smile when this occurs."
When I read the above sentence, I had a strong feeling that you are thinking of some case in particular. Sexual abuse issues are ones which people often talk about with less specificity because of privacy and confidentiality issues involved.
In this thread, I have been quite aware that, though I believe anedote can sometimes be a good means of illustrating reality, I have been monitoring what I write to make certain that in cases that I speak of no one can be identified because confidentiality was a requirement of previous my work.
Here is a case that you might find interesting: As a CASA, I was asked to take a case that involved brother-sister incest. Unfortunately, the material relevant to the case was mailed to me when I was on vacation. CPS, without my input, had already made decisions about the case with which I did not agree and refused to sign off on. On talking to the mother of these siblings, I found that their sexual activities together had been going on for many years. The girl was barely one year older than her brother, but they shared the same grade in school. As she entered middle school, she decided that she wanted the sexual activity to end. Needless to say, she did not reach this decision without some ambivalence. In other words, it was yes no yes no yes, until finally it was "No! No way!"
To tell you how this came to the attention of authorities would be to reveal too much. Suffice it to say that it wasn't by the reporting of the mother, who was single. She was pretty defensive when I spoke to her but it was clear that she had been fine with the status quo for many years.
CPS had assigned the brother to an inpatient sexual offender's program and had assigned the sister to rape crisis for treatment. Their rational was that the brother had been recently physically aggressive about his urges and that this was the cheapest way to deal with the problem. The mother had insurance and CPS did not want to spend money on foster care (not to mention that the best placement for each of these children would have had to be one without other children available for them to offend against). I strongly objected. I wanted to explore other options. My demand was that they undo their decision. They would not and the lawyer on the case said "What is done is done."
I was quite angry and, for awhile, I left CASA.
I suppose my point to you would be that I am far more "feminist" than any of the mostly women who were involved with this decision.
Too often, I believe that men think of feminists as being women with power who work. I can tell you that I do not believe this to be true at all. Feminism has been of great benefit to women (although not always) and there are many women who have thus benefitted who would NEVER call themselves feminists.
I agree with you that neither the right wing or the left wing understands child sexual abuse. Both tend to think of child sexual abuse as being a problem of an adult suddenly victimizing a child. They do not realize that there is no SUDDENLY about this. It is almost overwhelmingly likely to be learned behavior. It is behavior that almost always begins (or at least certainly has its roots) in childhood.
One thing that I would like some insight into is any POV that you have to offer on how you think the different emotions of boys might suggest a need from treating boy victims differently than girl victims and how you think that this difference might lead to greater detection of sexually abused boys.
In addition, I would invite any comments that YOU may have on what I have said thus far.