Letters to the Editor
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Put down the Welsh dictionary and back away from the letter "y"....
I think all parents ought to spend some time reading the hilarious web site "Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing" (http://notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/) before choosing a name.
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But What About The Kid?
Everything in the articles seems to point to the parents' egos. They want to be seen as au courant, stylish, and edgy, but not to the degree that the kid is going to get regularly pantsed in the schoolyard. In their desire to appear interesting and cultured and educated, they are saddling their kids with names that have too many apostrophes, are difficult to pronounce, or tell the world "My parents are dorks".
One example given was with a normal mother-to-be and her wiseassed software engineer husband who wanted to give the kid a stupid name. This has more to do with his desire to be a wiseass than any real concern with his child. That family clearly needs to get a dog, so he can exercise his sense of humor on a creature that does not need to apply for a job at some point.
There are reasons why some names are so common. One reason is that they are easy to spell. When you name your baby Clytemnestra, Calliope or Krysty'lle, come up with an image of that child in preschool, trying to spell that name with a Crayola in a clenched fist. Isn't it a little cruel to throw all those syllables at a kid?
Another reason for the old names is their ease of use for nickname purposes. When the kid is bigger, do you think that her friends are going to address her with her four syllable, Classically inspired name? No, she's going to get a monosyllabic nickname. Why not make it easy on her friends. Elizabeth is Liz, Margaret is Meg, William is Will, and so on. A kid without a nickname is socially dead. Dead, I tell you. If a kid does not have a nickname, even if it is unflattering, she may as well be invisible.
Then, there is the issue of Grandma Mary's will? Who is grammy going to leave all that money to? The kid named Brytny or her little namesake Mary Junior?
The last reason is one that has many names in many cultures. Some call it "crabs in a bucket" others call it "cutting the daisies in the tall grass". If someone stands out, everyone else attempts to cut that person down the the level of the crowd. Why single out your kid for ridicule. Look at what the common baby names are for the year, pick #20, and save your money for something useful, like buying carbon offsets for that huge momvan you just traded your convertible for.
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Dear Editor:
If Herself's letter doesn't get a star, there ain't no justice left.
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Naming is tricky
Naming is a tricky business. When picking a name these days, you don't want something as generic as "Jim Johnson", or else you can get extra scrutiny because it sounds phony like "John Doe." On the other hand, when selecting a name, I googled the full name in quotes to make sure there were many hits. Even with the amount of info on the net today, choosing an absolutely unique name means anything you ever do could stand out like a neon sign online forever. Who knows what the net will bring in twenty years, when third-party or 'social' photo tagging has already become a reality that has bit people in the butt.
One path to improvement would be to see the USA have some naming standards as many countries do. At a minimum: 1) No naming the child the same thing as a father, mother, or sibling. It tells the child right off there was someone else we were thinking of more than you, nice. Plus it is confusing as hell. 2) No names of products or brands, unless the name was in common use before the corporate usage. Poor little Armani and Del Monte, this one is for you. 3) Names like Justin Case, Dick Head, and Ben Dover should be discouraged if not disallowed too. If you dislike your child that much when they are born, just give them up for adoption, please.
Still, the best solution seems to be what some cultures have done: The baby's name is their name during childhood. Sometime during their teen years, they get to choose their adult name. While that can be done now by following the proper legal procedure and paying the filing fees of $100 to $1000 or more, it could be a one-time free change for someone under the age of 21. Agreement of parent(s) and child could be required below a certain age. Ideally the change would be completed before graduating high school, because the high school diploma is one of the earliest official documents that refers to you only by name. A name change would also be a lot less hassle before having loans, a mortgage, long-term employment, etc.
I'm a bit more sensitive to the issue than many, mainly because I grew up with parents who didn't even like the name they gave me. By the time I went to school no one called me my awful legal name, but I couldn't escape it because it was on all legal documents about me. I ultimately changed it, and while not difficult, it was a long-term project requiring a good amount of time and persistence.
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I was so hoping to use
Konopczanka Młynarczyk you know, 'cuz we're keepin it real.
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Brayden is NOT a Name; It's a Sound a Donkey Makes
Three tests:
1. Kids do grow up, so try your chosen names out in these sentences: "the newest Supreme Court Justice, [name][surname], wrote the majority opinion," and "we named our new dog [name], it's so cute!"
2. Say just the first and last names together. Make sure they flow and sound nice even without the middle name. The might prevent some girls from getting horrible first names, because Rose or Grace won't be there to pretty it up.
3. Pretend that the baby's name is your name for a few days. If you feel like an idiot calling yourself Precious (girls #555), #Asia (girls 332), Gage (boys #156), or Xzavier (boys #617), odds are your child will as well.
Also, Brayden (boys #79) is not a name, it's a sound a donkey makes combined with a hairstyling technique and Madison (girls #3) does not mean "child of Matthew" it means "son of the great warrior woman.
Herself, I wouldn't mind a few more Johns (boys 20) in the world, but, please, no more Briannas (girls 20)!
- Social Security site on names:
http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/
- Funniest name article ever:
http://www.misanthropic-bitch.com/briandrye.html