This letter is associated with the following article:
Letters
Monday, June 11, 2007 12:00 AM

Why women stay with abusers

A new book argues abusers employ the same type of "coercive control" used on kidnap victims and slaves.

Read other letters about this article

  • Monday, June 11, 2007 04:09 PM

    We blame other victims, too

    I was reading a comment the other day about the young woman who was kidnapped and murdered in Kansas last week. A man (I presume) made a comment that she shoudln't have been wearing shorts and a tank top, because it brougth unwanted attention to herself. A lot of people attacked him for the comment, but, surprisingly, a woman backed him up, saying that her 3 daughters weren't allowed to dress that way because they would draw undesired attention.

    I think we do this so that we can feel safe. If the victim did something to bring on their attack, then we can simply not do that something and we will not be attacked. It doesn't work, of course, because life is not that simple. People get mugged even when they aren't flashing expensive watches. Women get raped even if they aren't young and beautiful and wearing skimpy clothing, or drunk, or in a bad neighborhood. And spouses get battered even if they are totally innocent of any wrongdoing. But if we pretend that they must be doing something to deserve it, then we know that we must be safe - because we'd never do anything to deserve being beaten.

Most Active Letters Threads

442

Do Obama officials know what his Afghanistan plan is?

What explains the completely contradictory statements from key aides on a central plank of the war strategy?
408

America's regression

It's almost impossible to find a nation with as many torture advocates as the U.S. has.
332

Palin: Birthers have "fair question" about Obama

Of Obama birth, the ex-governor says, "the public is still, rightfully, making it an issue" (Updated)
110

Is my kids making me not smart?

Stay-at-home fatherhood dulls my intellect to a nub. Excuse me while I ponder the subtext of "Hippos Go Berserk"
101

I survived Glenn Beck's Christmas spectacular

The preposterous showman brings his holiday book, and waterworks, to the stage and screen. Lights! Camera! Jesus!

View all »

Letters Help

Currently in Salon