Letters to the Editor
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One thing I've always wondered about this
So it says you're supposed to agree with your husband on everything. But what if he's wrong? Like unquestionably, factually, wrong? What if he says "We don't need to buy gas, the tank is full" when the tank is in reality nearly empty?
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I am amused by this quiz
... it sounds like it was written by someone who has never been married. Do I feel superior to my husband? Only in areas where I objectively am. Do I commiserate with other wives about my husband? Try having any same-sex friends at all if you're not willing to do some of that. Do I think everything would be fine if my husband would just do what I tell him? I think everything would be fine if everyone in the entire world did what I told them. Doesn't everyone? Do I do things for my husband that he is capable of doing for himself? Uh, I gave him a handjob last week--does that count? I'm pretty sure he was capable of doing that for himself. Do I have recurrent anxiety, depression, or feel exhausted--wait a minute, if a woman has mental or physical illness that means she's a BAD WIFE? Do I fantasize about divorce or life with a man who would better match for me? Does anyone who is married for longer than 24 hours NOT do this? Do I get angry with my husband when he's made a bad decision? Yes, when you're married, that's what a bad decision IS--one that makes your spouse angry.
And what if my husband tells me to nag him, as he does all the time (as in, "I need to call my sister, nag me until I do that")? If I'm nagging because I'm obeying an order to nag, does that make me surrendered or what? Help, my brain is melting!
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If it's not painful for both sides it's not a real compromise
It's the choosing of an option from a range of options which the pain free partner has unilaterally decided beforehand was acceptable. Volume of noise is a very imprecise indicator of actual pain.
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Rid vocabulary of the word "but"
Except for when it's preceded by, "put it in my". You will have to verbally add the extra "t" so as to maintain proper spelling.
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A book/website/show called "don't be a pathetic, whiny, manipulative, passive-aggressive control-freak shrew!" would be useful
Some of the advice, at least from what i can glean from the quiz is quite reasonable.
But it seems our friend has some logic problems, because you see,
- the healthy opposite of "Think everything would be fine if your husband would just do what you tell him?" is not "instead, do whatever he tells you to do."
- The healthy, reasonable opposite of "Feel that you are the only adult in the family?" is not "he's the only adult in the family."
- The opposite of "Find yourself frequently wanting to control your husband?" is not "let him control you."
That's the problem, I think. Our surrendered guide (did her husband give her permission to do this whole thing, i wonder?) identifies some real problems, but gives all the wrong solutions.
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Surrender
This is similar to trying to talk to modern young Islamic women who subscribe to head coverings. "Feminists have made women unhappy, and it is the greatest joy to live for one's family."
I grew up with this bullshit in the fifties. My mother surrendered to my father, and as a result a feisty, intelligent woman, who had survived and cared for her ill mother and baby brother in war wracked Germany, ended up running away from it all through alcohol.
I can remember overhearing one of his strictures. He worked away from home a lot. She was not to have any friends, no man can just be friends with a woman. OK my mother agreed. And you can't have any women friends, because they'll feel sorry for you and introduce you to men. So there was my mother, having emigrated to the other side of the world, living in a house with children and absolutely friendless, isolated and alone.
And why did my mother surrender? To have peace. My dad had really stupid ideas sometimes, and my mother would object. "What would you know, you're only a woman," would be his comeback.
She was invited to teach at the local primary school while undertaking inservice training -(fifties baby boom). And she refused, because her husband's qualifications as an architect were not recognised!!
What a waste.
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Stop surrendering to feminitwits
Perhaps this is the real backlash, women revolting against the revolting male-bashing of feminism. Feminists, while mouthing equality, seek to dominate men. She alone is to have choices per pregnancy. She alone is to get kids and cash post-divorce. She alone is to determine what "gender issues" are. She alone is to say who is a victim, who suffers most, etc.
The world, including half its occupants, are tired of sexism masked as egalitarianism.
The fact is, women have always been equal to men. The division of labor made him deal with things outside the home, her within. There were benefits and burdens to each role. It was often said that he ruled the roost, but she ruled the rooster.
Doe a wife "surrender" more than a husband? He often works at a lousy job to provide for his family. What about his loss of autonomy, his stifled feelings? Do feminists even care? If Doyle wrote her book because she is "ugly," what then about Dworkin, Bella Abzug, Betty Friedan and sundry other ooglie-mooglies in the Fembotulism Pantheon?
"The 'surrendered wife' never complains, nags or criticizes..."
Jeez. Why would men prefer that over endless nagging by feminists who deem themselves responsible for nothing?
"...she lavishes love, praise and acquiescence even when her husband is picking his nose and hollering at the kids while driving off the nearest cliff."
Right. Meanwhile, the feminist farts, blames men, and brays at the world to do her bidding lest she hold her breath and stamp her feet.
"Neither marital rape nor the splitting headache exists in this world!"
Ah yes...that old bug-bear marital rape. As common as hysterical female pilots plowing into mountainsides.
"...letting my husband add his last name (along with mine) to our children's surnames..."
How nice. She "lets" husbands do such things. Post-marriage, she would "let" the divorced dad see their own children when (while demanding instantaneous child-support!)?
"I'm baffled by the idea of grown women...choosing to become doormats."
Maybe they aren't doormats. Maybe they've found that respect is mutual, that it's better to see men as equals than punching bags for all female problems.
" It was in the context of explaining what her husband gives up by 'permitting' her to run several hours each week. Her husband -- a sullen, macho, working-class guy...is the presumed leader of the house..."
How many hours does that "working-class" guy work? How free is the "macho" guy in his own life? Do feminists ever ask? Do they care?
"In their view men can't handle equality, changing gender roles or a few extra household chores."
Feminist never ask what guys want changed. Feminism, after all, is built on lies, kept alive by lies. When the time men spend outside the home is compared to time women spend in-and-out of the home, men "work" 3 hours more per week. Plus feminists never talk about the "household chores" they expect men to do...like repairs to the home and car. Shrill sisters take the created world, built by the blood-sweat-bones-lives of men for granted. They obsess on trivia, like who did more dishes...not who fixed the over-flowing toilet. When will SHE maintain the mower, much less mow the lawn? When will SHE figure out why the lights went out?
"The show profiles an insufferably controlling woman..."
Maureen Dowd of the NYT? :>)
"Feminism ruined their lives....those nasty notions of gender parity..."
Feminism isn't about parity. If it were, women would now be dying equally in Iraq and men would be winning half of all custody decisions. Instead, men are expected to do more-more-more, women less-less-less.
Feminists think there are less marriages now because women are "free" not to marry. They never think guys might be deciding against marriage because the deck is stacked against them. Feminists also never ask why so few males enter armed services today. Who wants to join services where women are paid the same for doing less?
Finally, as for saying that "assholes come in all shapes and genders." I agree. When will we hear about feminist arses who've alienated men and women?
Thought so.