Letters to the Editor
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Go read the book - or at least the first chapter before you snarl
The "Surrendered" is in the title to stir things up a bit.
What the author advocates is that women stop being control freaks and recognize that their husbands are grown men who have their own likes and dislikes and own personalities. It's about surrendering the need to control everything. The author specifically states in her introduction that this isn't meant to be against feminism - she's actually supportive of feminism - but about fairness in a relationship.
She doesn't advocate women being doormats, far from it. She tries to teach women how to express their needs without trying to control every aspect of their relationship with their husbands and to start trusting their husbands (and really, if you can't trust your husband. . .you probably should be looking for a divorce lawyer - which is her advice).
In her first book in either the introduction or the first chaper, she's very clear that you can't try this with abusive men, cheating men, men with addictions etc, and that you SHOULD be seeking the advice of an attorney at law or the police - not a marriage counselor - in those cases.
Sigh. Did anyone at Broadsheet bother to read anything this woman has written before spouting off?
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cock-pecked
ガガ ガガ ガガ said:
It's called teh meatus and it has no teeth, nor can it nibble at you even when it is inside of you. It feels nice when you lick it.
Get your mind out of the gutter, or get a better English-to-Chinese dictionary. Cock is a male bird, just as hen -- as in 'hen-pecked' -- is a female bird.
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cock
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/hen
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To Evans Evans
A woman who chooses to follow this drivel and be dictated to has still made a choice. I am sorry you cannot grasp this simple fact.
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there's a haystack on my needle
Seems to me this reality show takes a grain of truth: we should be kind to our spouses, and turns it into an argument against feminism.
It's as stupid as every fad diet that takes advantage of "you lose weight if you consume fewer calories" to sell some "miracle" pill, shake or cereal bar.
If women and men made an active effort to be patient, respectful, and demonstrably loving to their spouse, no one would need to be submissive. Those of us in happy marriages know this already, even if we are feminists.
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Good insight
...about how this kind of thinking is degrading to men, also. Among all the women friends and acquaintances I've ever had, the ones who take the little passive agressive shots at their husbands: "you know what babies they are," "you can't expect much from them," etc. were absolutely the same ones living in the most traditional family structure. The women in the relationships with the most mutual respect are ones in more modern family structures. Couples should work out between them the structure that is best, but we're not yet free of the baggage carried by the traditional roles.
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False Dichotomy
Bless you, Juliebird! That's it precisely: Treat each other with respect, always. Neither expecting submission from a wife nor taking out your frustrations by nagging/henpecking a husband meet that simple standard.
Leaving aside the Xian-freak aspects, this is a classic case of over-compensating with the opposite extreme.
The solution to a too-critical partner is not to make that partner a doormat, any more than the solution to an overbearing partner is to give in to every unreasonable demand.
It's amazing how far a little application of the Golden Rule will go.
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Makes Perfect Sense to Me
The *Modern Woman* wants it both ways - she wants to be respected and treated as an equal, but she also wants men to pay for everything and to be able to stay home with the kiddies all day. Sorry, doesn't work that way.
I think part of the reason why divorce has skyrocketed since the 1960's is because of a move away from traditional roles. Think about it - what incentive do men have for marrying a woman if he's just going to come home from work and hear crap about HER day? AND have to bathe the kids and cook and clean? And make all the money?
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Damned if you do, damned if you don't
Shazzer, isn't what you are griping about (women who stay home all day and take care of the kids while their husbands go to work) the traditional role that you seem to be advocating?
A "modern woman" can't win. We get slammed as uncaring moms if we work and leave the kids in day care. Or we get ridculed as lazy leeches if we stay at home while keeping house and raising the kids while our husbands go out and work. So what the hell are we supposed to do?
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MWise
Umm... shut up and bake cookies? Okay that was a JOKE!! Please don't kill me!
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What are we supposed to do?
Too nice of an invitation to not answer it. Here is what you are to do. Worship your husband and be worshipped by him. Raise your kids like Spartans, punish them when need be, put healthy meals on the table and limit television. Here is what it comes down to (if you're fortunate). Before you have your first child - look at your paystub and your husbands. Whoever makes more money, they should continue working, while the other should take time off to raise a baby. (that advice is for women)
advice for men: get a pre-nup. it's the only defense for the *modern woman*
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It's not the staying at home...
....it's the attitude. Men expect (and they should!) the home to be a haven. If they just wanted to gripe about their day and hear someone else's gripe, they can go out with the guys. A marriage should be special, not a vehicle for women's complaints and demands.
Look, women can do whatever they want - stay at home, go earn the big bucks, whatever... But if they expect to be married (and have a HAPPY marriage) all of that has to be turned OFF once hubby walks through the door. Otherwise a man could just very easily outsource all of the *wifely* duties - home cook, cleaning lady, call girl for sex without the stress, etc.