Letters to the Editor
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Someday....
Someday I swaer I will learn to spell. I will I will I will I will............................
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I HATE being dyslexic!
This sucks like you have no idea! Okay shutting up now.
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Feminism about self-actualization. In other words, using your own brain to make your own decisions, not take dictation like you're someone's admin assistant.
What you mean to say of course is that WOMEN should not take dictation from their HUSBANDS, etc. Obviously when necessary to avoid the woman being "dominated" by the "patriarchy" it is of course appropriate that he take dictation from her. When women make their own decisions this of course includes making all decisions about "their" children and "their" shared assets.
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Thank you
"What's worth noting is that all these programs that compel women to embrace their inner Stepford wife also perpetuate a deeply belittling portrait of men. In their view men can't handle equality, changing gender roles or a few extra household chores. They can't change. They are treated as toddlers manipulated by mothers who make them feel important, powerful and above all dominant"
As a husband who's currently sitting in an apron typing this before cleaning the house, thank you so much for acknowledging how stupid this entire concept is for everybody involved.
And mad props for "cock-pecked"
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Lots of bad assumptions in these letters...
I got a real kick out of reading the responses to this article. Laura Doyle is a friend of mine who I've known for some years, and I think most of the respondents here would be absolutely amazed by her personality and views. She's a very smart, driven, independent woman (who is probably a Salon reader herself, or would be if she spent more time online). Her husband is (as far as I've ever seen) very supportive of her success and every time I've been fortunate enough to spend time with them, they're the picture of a successful, healthy match. I don't know that a "Surrendered Wife" is what I'm looking for in my ideal spouse, but I do know that I'd be lucky to have a relationship as good as Laura and John's.
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Please don't put words in my mouth
>>What you mean to say of course is that WOMEN should not take dictation from their HUSBANDS, etc. Obviously when necessary to avoid the woman being "dominated" by the "patriarchy"<<
I mean to say that women - particularly women who expect to be treated as equals - should behave as responsible adults, not children who allow other people to make decisions for them - be they husbands, parents, friends, or fellow feminists for that matter.
And to Solomon - any woman who falls for this drivel is indeed, taking dictation. From Ms. Doyle in this case, who I'm sure is chuckling all the way to the bank.
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Cock-Pecked? Is THAT what you fear the most? Is that your counter-part to the vagina dentata?
It's called teh meatus and it has no teeth, nor can it nibble at you even when it is inside of you. It feels nice when you lick it.
Is this your penis envy speaking again? It's just a primal fear that you have that has caused you to hate men.
Is there a male counterpoint to "honey do list", or "nagging", or "henpecked"? Why after all of this time haven't feminists come up with widely known counterparts? How come cock-pecked has no feel that it fits in anyway?
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The good thing I got from the book
I found the book at a second hand store and spent a few weeks secretly reading it in the bathtub, which I usually do with books I consider a bit "trashy" and embarassing.
At the time (gosh - six years ago?) I'd been living with a guy and was almost at the point of apartment-hunting for myself... reading the classifieds pretty closely.
I'd found with "guy" that it seemed that everything he was doing was done to annoy me, ON PURPOSE, so I'd push him one way, and he'd resist the other, and the cycle would continue, worse and worse.
Inspired by parts of the book, I decided to give him six months where I'd "let him" be whoever the hell he wanted to be without me pushing or prodding him in any direction. After six months, I'd look at who he "really was" without my interference, and THEN decide to stay or leave. Lo and behold, to me he transformed into the charming guy I'd originally fallen in love with.
The skill of just letting people be who they are, and appreciating them for it, I think is missing with a lot of people (men and women) these days. While I ignored a lot of the details in the book, it seems to me to be a lot more about giving up inappropriate control of your husband than letting him control you.
Oh, and to pad my (and his) feminist credibility, who has he actively chosen to become (without any prodding) lately? An entrepreneur with a mostly at-home business who puts my lunch in my briefcase every morning and takes care of our baby (with nanny relief). He's the one who wants 3(+?) kids, and totally "gets it" that if he's the one who wants 'em more than me, he should be the primary caregiver. Fine with me, as I love my corporate job.
We've never talked about the book, or the "choice" I made six years ago. If we did, I bet he'd say that we both treat each other well. That's all.
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Looks like Janice78 nailed it
>> Laura Doyle is a friend of mine who I've known for some years, and I think most of the respondents here would be absolutely amazed by her personality and views. She's a very smart, driven, independent woman <<
In other words, it's more "do as I say, not as I do".
Shades of Phyllis Schlafly.
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Unfathomable?
Her husband ... is the presumed leader of the house, but it's a leadership that mostly exists as some sort of fantasy. To an outsider, there's only one captain of the family ship, and for some reason unfathomable to me the woman has embraced a belief system that conceals this fact from her.
What's worth noting is that all these programs that compel women to embrace their inner Stepford wife also perpetuate a deeply belittling portrait of men. In their view men can't handle equality, changing gender roles or a few extra household chores. They can't change. They are treated as toddlers manipulated by mothers who make them feel important, powerful and above all dominant.
Sorry for such a long quote, but I just wanted to point out that the "unfathomable reason" in the first paragraph I quoted is quite thoroughly described in the second.
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Surnames
About the "adding his last name to the children's surnames" thing:
Your surname IS your last name.
Not to be nitpicky... But I am.
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Surnames=Last Names
About the "adding his last name to the children's surnames" thing:
Your surname IS your last name.
...And the problem is what, exactly?
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Equality isn't "surrendering," it's being...equal
I'm a little weirded out by writing this, but after visiting the "Surrendered Wife" webpage, I find myself nodding my head with a lot of the information there and thinking: "Yeah, so?"
I am a diehard feminist to my very marrow, and I would never think of trying to control my partner in any way. I don't tell him what to do, how to do it, or what "we" are doing on any given night. I would merrily tear him a new one if he ever tried to order me around, so why shouldn't it be the same for him? I respect him, his privacy, and his choices, and would hand any man his walking papers if he didn't give me exactly that same respect.
The thing is, I think of this as "egalitarianism," or "feminism," which translates as "the same for each, no more, no less." My partner isn't "henpecked" or "whipped" because he's with someone who really believes in the feminist ideals of true equality. And me, I'm lucky enough to have a partner who respects me for who I am.