I'm a man who's son was born on Dec. 23, 2004 and died 46 hours later on Christmas Day. Carol is right that it's all about symbols but when she says "I have trouble understanding how official documents alone help 'memories live'" it makes her claim to get it almost an insult. I need the symbols of Andrew's short time here because I don't want him to be forgotten. I want people who get to know our family to know him as well, so I'll take all the symbols I can get. I'll take the birth certificate, the death certificate, the stocking that hung on his Isolette, the gravestone at the cemetary and anything else I can get my hands on. Symbols are not trivial.

Ms. Lloyd's post and the accompanying responses is somewhat surreal for me... Pitting "cold" hard-nosed "literalists" and modern "science", "rationality" and "logic" against warm-hearted, religious "symbologists" and fuzzy-headed traditionalists... But it is full of big questions and important issues, absolutely pregnant one could say...(One point for stating the obvious...minus three for the atrocious pun.) Can we take a step or two back from our committed, absolutely certain positions and clear up some of the muddied, muddled thinking and rhetoric so as to move a bit closer to a consensus rather than the compromised position that everyone is fighting about? Perhaps there is a way out of the binary dualistic thinking that paints only in "black and white" and demonizes those who disagree and hold other opinions. I think that it's time to mitigate some of this cultural war by waging cultural peace.

I am moved to say this for just two weeks ago I was appalled when I read a headline on a Boston community newspaper, front page just below the fold "Lesbian Mom Aborts Ex-gay Fetus." Having caught the print on my way out the door and unable to read all the details I fumed and fussed for six hours till I got home again and was able to check the date on the masthead... Yes, it was the first of April.

But there are actual, factual reasons why I could be caught by a joke with such a nauseating taste: 1. Female fetuses are aborted by some merely because of their sex; 2. Homosexuals are considered by some to be defective humans or even sub-humans worthy of death; 3. The search for a so-called "Gay gene" continues (and should continue from a scientific perspective) but is liable for misuse.

And then there are the culture and values laden aspects of the issues: That fictional "Lesbian Mom" who, after being frightened and revolted by a TV documentary about "Ex-Gays", chose to abort her fetus lest he become such a "loser" was reported to have done it for her deeply held Unitarian Universalist [UU] religious values. That hurt, (Disclosure: I am a UU minister,) for I am well aware of many persons who flee oppressive traditional religions and join my faith but do not follow-through and reconstruct their values with a well-founded understanding of UU values. I worry about my faith that it sets itself up for such misunderstandings and jokes.

Indeed, when I shared my experience and the social, moral, and theological thinking it occasioned with the congregation on April 1, one woman responded that "Abortion is a woman's right... For any reason... All the way until birth..." I was floored...and somewhat repulsed...I still don't know how to bridge the chasm between us. I have to believe that there is a misunderstanding, a mistranslation, a difference in definitions... some sort of miscommunication here between me, and a member of my community that I love and respect.

Backing up to the article at hand... I find similar sorts of miscommunication rampant in the discussion of issues relating to Human life, conception, abortion, birth and death; and I suggest that calmly outlining and examining what we think, feel, know and believe about the issues a useful exercise. What is your definition of "human", "human being", "person", "life", "fetus", "child", "baby", "murder", "killing", "soul", "abortion", "conception", "contraception"...etc. You know the drill...

And then start asking questions:

1. If a fetus isn't a "human life", is it non-human? is it chimp, puppy or cat? Or isn't it "life" What part of "human life" isn't it?

2. If a fetus isn't a "person", when and where down that slippery slope does it become a person? What is it that magically confers "personhood" upon a fetus?

3. Etc. The questions multiply as the world changes...

Lastly, I think that something I see emerging from some of the letters struggling with the issues is useful: USERNAME's suggestion of a "Stillborn" certificate that serves in the place of both the customary birth and death certificates is promising for it breaks the severe dichotomizing of Life/Death by adding a third catagory that more accurately reflects our actual reality. Other letters contributed to this break through the binary bind by closely examining and questioning the language and definitions being use.

Thanks to those who thoughtfully struggle with the issues rather than each other.

This kind of initiative is intended to open the door to issuing death certificates for all human fetuses terminated early. A Tennessee state legislative representative has proposed that all aborted fetuses/embryos be issued death certificates as well. It's clear where that is leading: directly to the public's knowing which women have terminated pregnancies. Under the guise of "respect" for the babies, this kind of thing could potentially be aimed at identifying, shaming, and eventually possibly criminalizing all women whose pregnancies do not end in a live birth.

How many times have we heard gays and lesbians say that the state - by refusing to acknowledge their unions, debases them as people? Treats them as second class (forgetting for a moment the financial rewards that go with a marriage certificate).

Why does the left make it so easy for the right to paint them as work extremists who can't see past their own slippery slopes?

This is a loser for the left - and hurts no one in the process...