Letters to the Editor
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Anonymous seems ignorant of the facts
"Men show devotion to the family by working really hard."
Yes, they do, and it seems to work against them in a divorce with regards to custody(70% initiated by women), and it also works against them with regards to the financial penalties in the event of divorce.
Despite these clear examples of discrimination, which are kept in place by feminist lobbying groups whenever the legislature gets around to dealing with this issue, men continue to work hard to provide for their families.
They cannot "take it with them" in the event of divorce, an event which is 70% of the time initiated by the woman in a marriage, who is ensured of child support custody and a whole host of other entitlements in Family COurt simply for being a woman.
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I get very tired...
Of the constant drone about work. As if work is supposed to be my dream, my fulfillment, my very reason for being upon this Earth. Um... in a fantasy world populated by princesses and unicorns, maybe. In the real world of dentist appointments, mortgages, children, and lawns to mow... not so much.
I had the "brass ring" job a couple of years ago. High profile (at the company where I worked), seen as a place to aspire to, a stepping stone to management if I wanted it. That job was hell to get, it took about two years of trying. And I got it. After the honeymoon wore off, I was miserable. For me, personally, the kind of pressure that came with that job was hell. It was the kind of position prone to armchair quarterbacking from everyone at the company. I hated it. Does this make me a bad person? A less-than-worthy human being? It was a lateral move... I certainly didn't get more money for my trouble. It made me very cranky with my family. It's what I thought I wanted.
I spent two and a half miserable years in that job before I realized it was time to go. Back to the old job I had before (and I'm very good at it, thanks), part-time, so my kids can come home after school and play with their friends instead of being shuttled on a minibus from school to day care. And I had to work very hard to find a "real" job, part time (that's another story). So I've "opted out" or whatever the lingo is at the moment. So what? Does some book author du jour or newspaper columnist have to live in my shoes, with my husband and kids? No. That's for me... so it's also for me to work out for myself what is an acceptable balance between home, money, career challenge, personal happiness, and how big the laundry pile is. For any of these blowhard book authors to assume that they have the answer for me and my life (or for anyone else's life) is incredibly presumptuous. It's the work of a lifetime to figure out these kinds of balances--and they're no more the same for every person than any other life choice is. I'd challenge any of these writers to prove that they have the perfect, charmed, happy life, and therefore we should all do as they do.
Hogwash.
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It's a choice
She says, "Yet it still seems feasible that part of the wage gap is a result of women taking time off for pregnancy and parenting -- whether because of a biological drive or societal expectations -- thereby falling behind in their careers. That counts as gender inequality, folks!"
Well, guess what: when you take time off at work, you fall behind, or at best, stay in place. When that happens, you don't get raises as quickly as everyone else who's been working. How would that be fair? Everyone else toils along while you get to spend time with your kid, and then bam, you get a raise on the same schedule? I'd be pissed if I got the same reward for working hard that someone else did for staying at home with kids. It's a choice to have kids, and there are benefits (having kids) and drawbacks (possibly slower career path).
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If so, what is your proposed remedy?
It's important to remember that most calculations of the wage gap look at full-time employees over the course of a year (i.e., women who take time off for childcare are not included). Yet it still seems feasible that part of the wage gap is a result of women taking time off for pregnancy and parenting -- whether because of a biological drive or societal expectations -- thereby falling behind in their careers. That counts as gender inequality, folks!
Assuming this is true, what is your remedy?
Seriously, I hear about this, but I never hear anyone say what they would propose to lessen this inequality.
So what is it you are proposing that society do about this?
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When More Isn't Really More
I find that working in the NYC high paying, high pressure corporate environment is expensive. We ladies can’t get away with two suites and a few dress shirts. And when everyone in the office is ordering in $15 dollar salads and taking $5 latté breaks at the nail saloon for $40 pedicures you kind of find yourself being dragged up into all that. And then you’re living this hellish, preppie lifestyle and any extra earnings (and then some!) are just sucked up into the ‘Lucky Magazine’ machine it takes to fit in. Or you turn into this unhappy social leper who hates her job and everyone she works with. No thanks!
For years I’ve worked in a really great small business - not some big cube farm but a really good business with wonderful objectives. I love the people I work with and I’m dedicated to seeing it succeed. I also like to come in at 9 and be out the door by 5. As a result of these choices I make about 70 cents on my husband’s dollar (more then enough to support my lifestyle). I have time to clean our house and I cook dinner and I manage mange our accounts. In a few years a kid comes along and I’ll probably end up working part-time and co-oping out my child care responsibilities with another parent. What would it cost us to outsource all those things? A lot is the answer. And I just have no interest in outsourcing my entire life.
Rather then phrasing the question ‘why women make less’ I think a more interesting conversation is ‘why men work so much more.’ Do they really get so much more back? There are a few really bitter posts from men here suggesting they do not get much back and I think that’s a more interesting conversation. It’s too bad men's masculinity is so tied up in ‘how much’ that so many are so freaking miserable. That’s the thing that needs changing - I'm just fine.