Letters to the Editor
-
WOW, the hate speak is thick in here
I'm always amazed at who crawls out when an article on assisted reporductions comes out. I too believe that 67 is way too old to have a child by assisted means, in fact I think it's too old to be having children period. What I really don't get is all the posters who believe that all children born to parents over 40 are in for some awful life, and how all men and women over 40 are too old to be raising children. Did you all grow up in a vaccum? Plenty of children have been born without any assistance to parents over 40 and did just fine. I am a single mom with a three year old, 46 years young and counting. I was a full time nanny in my twenties and I've been around babies and children my whole life. Certainly my energy is different now than when I was in my 20s, but at 40 I am able to offer my child lots of things I couldn't offer in my thirties too. I make good money, I own my own home, I have plenty of love and energy to offer and I am in spectacular health. Lay off people. My grandmother was 45 when my father was born and she had another son after him. We are all cut from different cloth. If you feel you wouldn't be able to look after a child after 40 then don't pursue parenthood at that age. Leave the rest of alone to raise our children in peace.
-
Trophy Kids of the Rich and Unbelievably Vain
I'm not sure I buy the premise that old men get a pass on the guaranteed-parentless-trophy kids question. When you rattle off the names Tony Randall, Larry King and Clint Eastwood as examples of untouchable old guys procreating, you're forgetting to factor in the bubble wrap of celebrity. Those in the entertainment industry truly live in their own world and have the outrageous finances to do so. Actually, many millions of us ordinary folks were repulsed by these geezers out to prove their sperm still swims, just as we would be if great-grandpa Joe down the street had done so.
Now I'm pretty sure that if Meryl Streep were to decide to have babies at 67, she'd get some of the same dumb star-struck adulation as you think Tony Randall did, at least by "Entertainment Tonight" and David Letterman's in-studio audience. (And btw, have you heard of "sweetening"? It's a post-production technique where editors add in canned laughter, applause and other general noises of approval. I have no reason to believe even that crowd was all excited about it.) But most of the rest of us would see her as a ridiculous old fool just like those old male fools, stunningly selfish.
However, I'm pretty sure neither Meryl Streep nor any other celeb type woman would be pettily vain enough to pull a stunt like this. (Well okay, Madonna would be. And maybe Demi Moore.)
-
What Anne said.
"Just because you can..." Exactly. Exactly. I was 40 when, like your mother, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. Having had two other children, one at 26, one at 30, I can tell you that it's HARD being older, fat, pregnant and working. I was exhausted 24/7, I ended up with gestational diabetes (a risk for older mothers), and believe me, had nowhere near the energy to deal with 2 am feedings with this baby as I had for my other kids. Oh, and I managed to experience some post-partum depression too.
I love my now-seven-year-old daughter and can't imagine life without her, but I KNOW I'm not always able to give her my best, and I KNOW that I may not (probably not) be here until she's my age. Her brother and sister can remember a mom who had a lot more "on the go" than she does. Never mind that I'm old enough to be the mother of most of her friends' parents.
I can't imagine subjecting a child to even worse with a mother who is 50, 55, 60, 65...where does it stop?
What about older fathers? Well, even when they're older, they don't have the pleasure of an 8-pound parasite sucking every bit of energy from your body for 9 months, and pretty near constant lack of energy for the next 2 or 3 years. At least phyically they're better off. But there's still the good chance they won't be around to see their kids reach adulthood. And anyone who says getting run over by a truck is as likely isn't doing the math. The mortality rate for say, 65-year-olds than it is for 25 year olds-period. Make it 85 and well, no wonder people get outraged.
-
I had a baby at 45
It was, by far, my healthiest pregnancy (out of four). I didn't have GD or any other complications. My mother's mother was 42 when she was born. My father in law was 47 when my husband was born. He's now 93, while my dad, who was 30 when I was born, died more than 10 years ago at the age of 64, never really knowing any of his grandkids. Those of you who are so good at predicting the future, I challenge you to write down which of your friends and relatives will still be here 10 or 20 years from now. You don't know. And whatever the younger set brings to parenting in the form of energy, the older set often brings commitment, patience and perspective, not to mention no longer needing to strive to establish a career and a life at the same time they are trying to be a good parent. Parenthood after 40 has its drawbacks, its risks, and its rewards, like mostly everything else in life.
-
First-hand experience here...
Both my parents were the children of older parents. My dad's father was 55 when he was born, and my mom grew up with her grandparents because her parents were killed in an accident when she was 3.
For my mom, she lost her grandfather at age 14, and her grandmother at 18. There she was, on her own at 18, with no money, and hundreds of miles away from any living family. She got a job, an apartment, a roommate, and lived hand to mouth for many years. She made a very bad first marriage mostly looking for security in her first husband's family rather than at him as a suitable life partner. She learned years later she could have grown up with an uncle, aunt, and cousins of the right generation to have been her parents, brothers, and sisters, but her grandmother didn't approve of them and wouldn't allow it.
My dad lost his father at age 13 and grew up with a single parent (my grandmother) and again no money, no college, no resources.
Considering their backgrounds, my parents have done well for themselves. But they had very hard roads that would have been considerably easier had they had stable, living families. My mom, to this day, is hopelessly old-fashioned even for her age. But considering that her grandmother was in her twenties and forming her opinions about the world in about 1900, I can be forgiving.
These kinds of parenting decisions have long ramifications, generations into the future, and should not be taken lightly.