Letters to the Editor
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experiment with marriage lite
Looking at the failures of the Baby Boom generation, it is easy to see why the prospect of marriage has become less attractive. We watched our parents fight constantly and divorce, and we ask ourselves why we would want to go through the same thing?
Perhaps it's not the institution of marriage that is flawed but the culture surrounding marriage. Although this is now changing, the nuclear family has been the primary social outlet for most American adults. We have fewer friends, a weaker sense of community, and a more distant extended family than most other cultures around the world. Thus, we place an extraordinary amount of our social needs on our spouse. Our partners have become our primary means (and in some cases, our sole means) of companionship, sex, emotional support, financial support, child-rearing supoort, etc. Under the weight of these heightened expectations, many marriages crack.
I don't think we should applaud the demise of marriage. I think we should reinvent it. Do you ever notice how unmarried couples are more happy than married ones. Perhaps the married should take a cue from the unmarried. Experiment with living in different houses. See each other less often (but make each meeting count more). Make a strong attempt to stay closer with friends and family.
We should take the expectations we place on our spouse and redistribute them among ALL of our loved ones. That way our partners do not need to be responsible for all our social needs, and we won't get annoyed or feel resentful when s/he doesn't fulfill all of them.