I'm a single mom... on purpose. I try not to use 'choice' as yes, pretty much every woman that gets pregnant makes the choice to have or keep the baby, or not. We all make all sorts of choices every day, to hold 'Choice Mom' up as something noble or as a fresh new family 'type', is a bit ridiculous. Although I made the decision to have children without a father's involvement (by mutual agreement), I do not advocate it, nor do I advocate single father's or gay parents. I firmly believe that a two parent (mother/father) family (good, bad or indifferent) is the right place to make a start, at least. I agree with the poster who said (re single parenting) "...I don't think its an optimal situation that should be strived for."

Is it selfish to have a child 'alone' - you betchya! On the other hand, I defy any number of couples to come up with the unselfish reasons they had their children. Most things we do in life (choices we make) are for self gratification on some level - or we wouldn't make them, would we?

For the poster who asked that "I would like people to please just acknowledge that being fatherless is not nothing." - I acknowledge your feelings 100%! I'm very sorry you had such a time growing up, truly!

Another poster made this excellent point "... Often a couple is together because their personalities complement each other. A child who doesn't relate well to one parent can at least have a chance to relate to the other ... single mothers who plan it that way are short sighted ..." - as I personally am much more 'my father's daughter' than 'my mother's'.

A rather lame comment from this poster "...have the father listed on the birth certificate as "unknown" or just left blank. In so doing, the mother deprives the father of his parental rights, but of course can come to him for support any time. Single motherhood is thus an exercise of power by women to deny parental rights to men who have no way to assert it without the OK of the mother..." - technically and legally incorrect and quite laughable actually. You've heard of DNA testing, of course???

This statement is a bit naive "Choice moms are NOT selfish. To be selfish is to be all about yourself. Having a child is NEVER about the parent." - it's ALL about the parent, as the parent made the choice - didn't you ever use the line 'I never ASKED to be here' on Your parents!?

An insightful statement from this poster "Single parenthood households aren't ideal, but neither are the circumstances in a large number of "traditional" family households. And certainly neither is getting married for the sake of having a child! I believe single parents are society's current scapegoat. We need to blame someone when children don't meet our expectations and it's more convenient to blame a social group than to delve down and define the specific issues that are the real root of the problem." - I'd love to hear an expansion on his/her? thoughts...

My thoughts on this 'root of the problem' ... well, I'm still formulating them, but ... has anyone noticed how much the role of the female in the family has Changed in the last 40 years!? Did the 'feminist movement' not make anyone think past the job market? Most Women are no longer content to fill only the narrow role of homemaker/childrearer, while the Man of the house goes about living a fullfilling Adult Working life AND has the happy family/home to relax in after his tough day. If you listen to a lot of married Working women gripe about doing Everything Beaver Cleaver's Mom did AND working all day, is it any wonder they'd just as soon take one more 'dependent' (the adult male) out of the equation? Especially when time is running out for her to actually Have children? We don't Have to be subservient (we can pull our own weight and support the family) so why Would we!? A lot more awareness needs to come, regarding the impact of the 'modern woman' on society as a whole.

I would love to find a man to share my life with, but I'm thinking I need to look for a younger man :-) one who's expectations of a woman and understanding of what a woman wants, were shaped more recently, not beginning 40 or 50 years ago!

And lastly, for all the 'coupled' parents who responded so negatively - haven't you ever laughed at childless people that try to give you parenting advice? That's about how we single parents feel about coupled parents giving advice (or opinions) - you just don't KNOW, because you haven't Been There ... yet! :-)

I strongly agree with Devil’s Daughter’s plea that women embarking on single motherhood (no matter how they come to it) recognize that ‘being fatherless is not nothing’. Not having a father in the home will affect children in all sorts of ways and it needs to be recognized as a disadvantage. I’m also a strong proponent that every child has a right to know his/her biological heritage.

However, ALL children are raised with disadvantages. Having two wonderful parents who loved each other and adored each and every one of their seven children was a great benefit to me. However those same parents disagreed about almost everything, especially parenting, and I grew up feeling like I was walking a tightrope. If I agreed with one parent I felt disloyal to the other and vice versa. It wasn't that my parents tried to make me feel that way; some of my siblings never felt that way at all. It was just intrinsic to my nature and a major source of stress in my life. Can I say that my life would have been less stressful if I had had just one loving parent? No, of course not. But neither can one say that anyone else’s life would be less stressful simply through having two parents. The major stresses and disadvantages are just different.

I strongly disagree that single parent households are necessarily more stressful or less advantageous than any other sort of household. It comes down to the skill of the parent (and sometimes eventually the child) at using the advantages to offset the disadvantages.

Since it is likely that a lack of this skill contributes to the breakup of marriages and relationships in the first place, the statistics relating to a higher number of troubled children in single parent households are understandable.