Letters to the Editor
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respect her choice as you would your own
Adrienne, if a woman, no matter what age, makes an informed, considered decision for an abortion, helped by someone neutral and supportive of her, then the only likely “lifelong guilt and regret” would be that imposed on her by, for example, a family or religion. Parents are almost never able to be neutrally supportive because of their unconscious identification with and consequent need to control their offspring. You seem to confuse this harmful need to control with what is in the best interests of a pregnant woman.
Readers are letting you know that your arguments don’t hold up and conflict with each other. I wonder if you offered incongruent and irrelevant arguments so as not to betray the real, underlying concern: “I am afraid of losing control of my offspring’s behavior because of how her choices might affect my esteem and standing.” Your role is to let them go, not to live your life through theirs.
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Yeah...
"That parental notification laws seem to act as a deterrent is a lucky, but unintended, consequence"
Whatever need you tell yourself so you can sleep at night, sweetie.
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Abortion is different.
Other procedures? How many parents are going to irrationally scream at a child who is seeking to have an appendectomy. How many children are even going to seek most medical procedures without a parents' input?
That other medical procedures are accompanied by parental notification requirements is immaterial. If a pregnant teenager does not want to inform her parents she is seeking an abortion, she may have a good reason. And that reason may be that many parents are absolutely stupid when it comes to the early unplanned pregnancy of their children. When every parent in American truly comes to terms with a woman's right to choose, a parental notification law may perhaps be legitimately on the table. But until that day, no parental notification law should be enacted.
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Ridiculous - government-driven family management
Quotes from other posters:
"Most reasonable people think children should tell their parents about important things like pregnancy"
"Bottom line, the state can't mandate family communication"
Exactly. There are many things I'd like my children to be honest with me about: sex, drugs, friends, bad grades, a fight, day in school, etc. How about we legislate that? Did a teenager buy a condom at a pharmacy? Must tell the parent. Did a teenager check out Anarchist Cookbook from the library? Must tell the parent. Did you spot a teenager at a late night party? Do the parents know? Must tell them. Etc.
Now, in terms of legislating honesty IN the government... that's a more promising avenue for activism.
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wtf
One of the better ads from No to 85 is the "think outside your bubble" ad. It's lovely to imagine a world where all girls can tell their parents about an unintended pregnancy without opposition, screaming, physical violence, shame, publicity, etc. But unfortunately, we don't live in that world.
Beyond the obvious idiocy of government legislating family relationships (do you support the "no sex until you're 30" campaign, too?), teenagers deserve medical privacy, especially when it comes to drug treatment, and mental, reproductive, and sexual health. There isn't some magic age where one becomes "deserving" of not having to tell their parents everything that went on in the doctor's office, regardless of what that may be.
Stop discriminating against young women, and stop pretending that you can do so while still calling yourself "pro-choice." If you won't allow choice for ALL women, regardless of age, then you're not pro-choice.
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Sigh...
I voted against Prop 87 today, mostly because I voted against the same proposition last year and it appearing again was frustrating and sad. And then I read Ms. So's article.
A judge can help in an abusive home? Yes, he/she can. However, there are times when it's just too little, too late, or nothing can be done.
Take for instance, the story of Spring Addams. A young teenager, she found herself pregnant and she had to ask for permission from a parent to get the abortion. There's just one little problem. She was pregnant by her father. Try to imagine a girl who was scared to death. No doubt ashamed.
When her father found out about her being pregant and she needed permission to have the abortion, he killed Spring, her mother, and then himself.
Ms. So's heart might be in the right place, but she forgets the girls like Spring Addams. Who would be in her early thirties had she lived. And she might have been a mother.
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Sorry to hear that
I'll respond by quoting what a gentlemen whom I met last night while making phone calls to encourage people to vote No on Prop 85 (at Planned Parenthood) said to me, Prop 85 is not about abortion, it is about teen safety. I agree, it would be great if all teens could go to one of their parents, especially if becoming pregnant, and receive support, be able to discuss options, and have an adult to go through the experience with them. However, I think that to vote Yes is a naive and middle class point of view of the problem. Studies show that most teens Do consult a parent in the case of an unwanted pregnancy but what about those teens that cannot go to a parent for fear of physical or mental abuse or of being kicked out of their home. Don't we have a responsibility to them? After all, the teens that can talk to their parents don't need this proposition. If teens are fearful of violence or retribution, they may take matters into their own hands which could mean, not telling anyone and trying to get rid of an unwanted pregnancy by themselves either through self inducing or finding some medical alternative (translation, not legal, non ethical and non-whatever else you can think of). In the past, teens have also chosen to attempt suicide. I'd rather err on the side of protecting those teens who do not have supportive or responsible parents. At least until we live in a perfect world.
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Recipe for murder
I understand why parents want the notification, but I'm not certain how many of them truly remember being teenagers.
It's a time of fear for so many kids. Fear of not fitting in, not finding/keeping a romantic partner, grades and the future, but, most of all, fear of parents.
So many people think teenagers exaggerate when they say "my folks would kill me..." but not all are exaggerated.
There are people for whom an unwed teenaged daughter would be a breaking point. And that's not even considering the people who have sexually abused their children and might deliberately harm them to keep the circumstances of the pregnancy from getting out.
I also worry about a potential rise in successful suicides for girls who think they may be pregnant.
My biggest fear if 85 is passed are that some girls who get pregnant deciding -- with or without their partner -- to hide the pregnancy and, possibly, kill the child.
We'd all like to think that parents would step up to the plate and be there for their kids. I've known parents who have -- they helped their daughter graduate with her high school senior class even though she gave birth during her junior year. But I've seen more girls who've been slapped, punched, or disowned when the parents discovered they were pregnant.
They need to be protected. I voted against 85 today.