So this new book "characterizes men as oblivious oafs and women and women as their altruistic and intellectually superior wardens"?

Well, then, its pretty much in line with most media portrayals of men.

there doesn't seem to even be a concept of how this could even be possible.

Well, I've road-tested this one girls, and it doesn't work.

I was almost never able to orgasm during sex and because I thought it was the "good wife" thing to do, I faked it to save my husband's ego. My bedroom lies kept me from discovering and treating a serious medical issue for a year. Turned out the reason I was almost never able to come was a prolapsed uterus which made intercourse almost always uncomfortable. When my OB noticed the prolapse during a yearly exam, and I had to discuss treatment options with my husband, my husband was full of loving concern and asked me how long I had been hurting. It was an awful thing to have to admit that I'd been hurting for a year, and when my husband said "but you've been coming loudly for a year" the gig was up and I had to confess. My husband was angry first of all that I had sold myself short and given up on my own pleasure and concern for my health. He was also sick at heart and angry from being lied to, for a year, during our most intimate moments. His next question was "what else have you been lying to me about?".

It took us six months to dig ourselves out the pit my wellmeaning lies had put us. We scheduled reconstructive surgery for my girly parts and worked with a therapist to restore trust in our marriage. I hadn't lied about anything other than my own orgasms but nevertheless trust had to be restored.

Thanks be to God, now I come nearly every time we make love. But if I can't, it's a lot more loving than a lie to say "I don't think I'm going to be able to come, but I want you to. Don't hold back anymore for me, baby."

The purpose of sex is pleasure and oneness. The purpose of orgasm is experiencing ecstasy when you let go and become naked body and soul. Faking short-circuits pleasure, oneness and intimacy, which hurts both partners. Run, don't walk away from Fay's advice. Learn from my mistake.

it's just stupid...

Yeah, a relationship that depends on a crucial, eventually-damaging lie to keep going. Every man and woman should want that...

Thank you, Happy Wife - you took the words right out of my computer. Just let me add another completely practical reason why faking orgasm is stupid: it tells your partner that what he/she is doing - which is NOT giving you an orgasm - IS giving you an orgasm. And that guarantees you will never have an orgasm. Any man worth having sex with is going to far prefer learning precisely what he needs to do to please his partner to finding out (as he eventually will) that she has been faking it. Working honestly through sexual difficulties is what's respectful of and loving toward a man; faking it shows nothing but disrespect, disregard and utter contempt.

...that includes Adam's Apple Annie and other attention sluts and addicts. They'll think of the most outrageous, contrary thing to say to get the cameras or tape recorders in their direction. Let's turn off the lights and hit the "stop" button on these clowns.

Re Sidney Blumenthal's piece today on Bush's female enablers, I'm sure Condi, Karen and Harriet are all faking it, too.

That would explain Bush's insistence on sticking with failed policies and actions - all those faked orgasms have him convinced everything he does is perfect, even when it's obvious to everyone else it's catastrophic.

Here I thought that women not orgasming was a problem of the past, oh, yeah, she's eighty and doesn't have a clue.

Anyway, guy here, and there's only one reason to fake it for a guy or a girl: because you've figured out the person you're boinking isn't very good at it. How does a guy fake it (and yes, sometimes we do)? Shudder, go silent, and collapse on her, or pull out and then throw some spit on her back (thank you John Leguizamo for that gem).

I've been married now for ten years, and I can safely say my wife doesn't feign interest in anything, much less sexual gratification. If she feels it, she expresses it, and if she doesn't... well, you get the idea. But she's never been reluctant to explain what she enjoys. Our willingness to discuss things has kept us vital. I would MUCH rather she didn't lie about it.

That having been said, a lot of us men *do* take it upon ourselves to pleasure our significant others, and when they don't there's always some part of us that says, "I failed." Is it an ego thing? Why, yes, of course. But I fear part of it is also a control issue. Often times it's not as much a lack of masculinity but frustration at not being able to reign in something beyond our control. Regardless of the root causes, the end result is the same: it's no fun at all if it's no fun for her.

So, does that mean women should fake it? NO. That only compounds the problem. Just be open and honest about what you want in the bedroom and work from there.

-name withheld while the brickbats fly

So I guess we're equal.

Like any mechanically minded man I relish the opportunity to spend an hour tinkering with a woman's body trying to locate the exact combinations of strokes, caresses, and pauses that trigger that wondrous effect.

Giving false information to a man is only encouraging him to do it wrongly, as he apparently thinks you like it.

Men are not stupid but we are methodical, and if you cry with pleasure every time a man ham handedly squeezes some portion of your body or another, he will surely do this repeatedly to make you happy.

So really, all faking it gives you is a man who believes he is pleasuring you, and a woman growing more disdainful of her mate’s romantic approaches with each faked experience.

Honestly, for the whatever momentary blow to our ego that "no, higher, and faster" does it is more than made up for when we do it right, and see the look of absolute contentment on your face.

If women want better sex they just need to ask for it in clear terms. Prissing out about it or faking it only leads to more and more bad sex, and then no one is happy.