Glad that the one sided vows are gone, but I have to say that I think that it would be a GREAT idea if BOTH parties had vows that said they promised to live with the annoying things the other party does, and promise not to intentionally push their partner's buttons. Seems to me like a lot of divorces come about because people don't realize they are going to have to actually live with a person with flaws.

As a friend of mine once said "Looking back after 10 years, I realize that I spent 3 miserable years of my life divorcing a perfectly nice person who simply couldn't put their clothes i a hamper".

i went for a wedding recently wherein the vows spoke of creating a home of peace and creativity from which the couple could draw strength to seek out and fight for social justice. i sure liked those vows!

Machismo has been the rampant scapegoat of just about anyone discussing sexism in Latin America. As a Mexican-American woman, I am often appalled and more than little annoyed by how eager people who do not have a clear understanding of this concept are to point the finger at Machismo for every problem that Latin American women face. The problem is sexism, a universal concept and not machismo, which is an unfamiliar term that is often misused in this country.

Everyday in the United States, I am cat-called, condascended to, disrespected, and afraid for my safety. Does this mean American men are machista? NO.I was raised that machismo is the Latino man's duty to respect the women in his life. It is his duty to assist her and love her. That can mean opening doors for her, alleviating the burden of finances, or just telling her she is beautiful. It can be warped and distorted like any originally positive concept. Chivalry has also been warped. That doesn't mean I'm going to blame chivalry every time a woman is violated, physically or emotionally. Let's not use cultural terms incorrectly. Third wave feminism is about the multicultural nature of feminism!

We didn't do vows as such; instead we did statements of intent, which included the following:

Officiant: Will either of you cause the other anger?

Both: I may.

Officiant: Is that your intent?

Both: No.

Officiant: Will you take the heat of anger and use it to temper the strength of your union?

Both: I will.

And so on in that vein--there were positive statements in there as well.

Being a grammar freak, I considered before the wedding whether we should change "may" to "might," to reflect the possibility of us doing these things to each other. After thinking about it, we left "may" in place, because we realized that what we were really doing was giving each other permission to be less than perfect. None of us are at our best every moment, and our spouses see more of that, and bear more of the brunt, than anyone. Acknowledging that reality was fundamental to the intent of what we want our marriage to be.

I can't claim credit for the idea; we borrowed it from the ceremony of some friends and tweaked it, and they borrowed the basic concept from a handfasting ceremony and modified it for themselves. We've been told that our vows are some of the most beautiful and honest our guests had ever seen, and our friends said that our choice to use their idea was a reflection of the fundamental truth of the concepts and realities of a strong, working marriage.

For more quotes (in English translation) from the "Epistle of Melchor Ocampo"...

http://social.chass.ncsu.edu/slatta/hi216/documents/ocampo.htm

Our officiant had a book and we picked passages that were most relevant to us. He has passaged many different cultures.

We had one line about making a home together that would welcome friends and family.

And instead of asking who gave me (the bride) away, he asked if all who would support our marriage and be friends would say "yes!"

quite nice

Two friends of mine, recently married, promised to love each other in spite of her lack of cooking skill and his lack of frequent-flyer miles. She travels as a consultant and he works from home.

They got married April 1.

These were the vows my wife and I recited to each other at our wedding last month. They are inspired by traditional Irish wedding vows translated by Morgan Llywelyn.

[Bride]
You cannot possess me, for I belong to myself,
But while we both wish it,
I give you that which is mine to give.

You cannot command me, for I am a free person,
But I will give you comfort
and snuggles whenever you need them.

I pledge that yours will be the arms that I fall asleep in each night,
and the eyes into which I will smile (or at least grumble and peer blearily) each morning.

I pledge to cherish the times we spend together,
our conversations and our comfortable silences,
our terrible jokes and the laughter they inspire.

I pledge to cherish the times we spend apart,
to respect you and to appreciate our differences,
to encourage you to pursue your own interests,
and to allow you plenty of time to play RPGs and video games.

I pledge that I will be a shield for your back,
and that I will protect you and support you
no matter what obstacles we may encounter as we build our life together.

I pledge to honor you above all others,
and to always remember the many reasons that I love you.

[Groom]
You cannot possess me, for I belong to myself,
But while we both wish it,
I give you that which is mine to give.

You cannot command me, for I am a free person,
But I shall serve you in the best ways I know how,
And never let a day go by without showing my love to you.

I pledge that yours will be the arms that I fall asleep in each night,
and the eyes which I will look forward to seeing every morning.

I pledge to cherish the times we spend together,
the love and affection we share with each other,
in everything that we do together.

I pledge to cherish the times we spend apart,
to allow you to grow and live your own life,
to value the insight and knowledge you share with me,
and to not stay up too late playing video games.

I pledge that I will be a shield for your back,
and a mighty smiting hammer at your side
when there are spiders around.

I pledge that I will protect you and support you,
no matter what obstacles we may encounter as we build our life together.

I pledge to honor you above all others,
and to always remember the many reasons that I love you.

~~~

These vows were a big hit; we had lots of compliments after the ceremony on how appropriate and special they would be to the both of us.