Letters to the Editor
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being conversational
Rob: I don't think you get it. I am saying that you may not be being rejected by American women for your looks. I certainly have no idea what you look like, but I can tell by your statements that you are not my type.
Newsflash: I don't think its a big stretch to say that the vast, vast majority of American women (tm) are a little paranoid about their weight. This is even true of women who are in fact dangerously thin.
The whole emphasis on looking for a woman who is slim is a MAJOR turnoff for a lot of us! Far more so than baldness, weight, financial status or anything else (except possibly not bathing)!
So you are pushing away a lot of women, some of whom you may find quite attractive, simply because you are putting that standard out there. The American women who make it past your screening process may well be people who share your values about appearence-which may explain why they're not terribly deep!
Now if you find True Love in the Ukraine, that's just fine with me. Chemistry does matter and there's nothing wrong with having a type. (I am utterly stupid about British men. It's the accent. No really.) But it has nothing to do with the qualities of American women; it's all about you.
I just wish you'd own that.
Kate: One of my American friends is heavy by anyone's standards. Her Norweigian husband *is* model pretty. Don't be so sure that a man who looks that pretty wouldn't look at you. There are a lot of pretty men in the world who aren't shallow!
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Careful analysis, or not
"I have to chuckle at Always a Bridesmaid, Kate, and others, complaining that women in America have such a difficult time meeting good men -- and then immediately going on to describe how, without much diffiulty, they met a good man."
Even a cursory reading of anything I wrote would tell you quite plainly that I am -- rather unhappily -- single.
As for your elevator comment, guess what Sparky? The ordinary-looking gals don't get a second glance either! What are *you* going to remember from your elevator encounter: the redhead with long legs and a nice rack, or the shorter pear-shaped gal standing right next to her? The world treats the genetically fortunate *of both sexes* with high favor, that is a fact. The rest of us unlucky bastards get to fall back on our personality, wit, mad skillz, and just plain dumb luck.
I'm never really sure what to make of people's comments that women don't (or can't) find love because we're too involved with our work. What else am I supposed to do, starve? Be homeless? I have to work to pay my bills, bro! What other options do I have, I'd like to know?
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Here's an idea!
I'm off to Norway looking for a husband! I'm sure my EU passport will be enough leverage to attract a kind, funny, smart and handsome man who will give me multiple orgasms an help around the house.
Thanks, Anna.
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wrong
This theory that only superhandsome men get any attention, dates, respect or women is rediculous!
Look out in the world! There is a world full of average, heavey, thin, balding, nerdy, goofy, plain, men and women meeting each other, communicating, dating, marrying, laughing, talking, arguing, fighting, making up, making love, etc.
My parents and yours. Our neighbors. Me. Most everyone else. If only the superhandsome men and women found mates, evolution would have taken care of average-looking people. Only superstars would breed and us plain folk would die out in one generation.
Luckily, there are still enough people out there who care about value over looks and money and who don't let their angery, confustion, and frustrations take over and ruin their lives.
It is hard, yes. I was rejected A LOT. Sometimes nicely, sometimes condescendingly. Most often with disinterest, which is a man's right. No man has to be interested in me since I certainly wasn't interesting in every man I met. People did mean things to me over the years, platonic freinds, employers, boyfriends, and one fiance. I never took their actions to represent 1/2 the entire world's population, and I tried to learn from each burn. The hurt is real, and I hold a scar from each injury that will always be there to remind me, but I try not to let it ruin my life, or else they've won.
I wouldn't say meeting my husband was easy, it certainly took a long time; we were much older than the average marrying age. We'd both been burned our share of times before, but we started our relationship new, with fresh chances, not being judged by actions of people they don't even know.
I have learned that people are SO different. Shyness, outgoing, cerebral, outgoing, funny, brooding, nurtuing, self-obsessed, etc. etc. etc. So many different qualities, so many people who are so different. You can't generalize by sex, all the men I know are so differnt, and all the women I know are so different.
If all the women you know are the same, you can't be out in the real world. Gosh, just in my office, people are so different, with different outlooks and strengthes. Theres' no way you're out in the real world if you think every man is the same and every woman is the same.
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I'm just saying you never know ...
Venus, you know it's not that simple. :D
But why play the "I'll reject you first" game *just* because a man is attractive? Some guy out there (of any nationality) might surprise you!
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Happily Married
I always gave the short guy in the elevator my attentions.
Unfortunately, he was looking over my shoulder at the statuesque, highlighted blonde with the ample assets.
It's not as easy as you think for us regular (there is such a thing as average - you know, not thin and not fat... remember?) chicks either.
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Let me put it this way: if women were as desperate as men the concept of sexual harrassment could not exits
apart from straight out extortion. Women go on about nobody pays attention etc, but you can be sure that if men knew that there was ANY social rule which was inhibiting the sexual expression of women towards men and they had the power to remove it they would. When I see women commplaining that the price of "hostile environment" i.e. "talking about sex" rules is too high I'll start to take this more seriously. I think the problem is that different things are being looked for: men are looking for willingness to have sex and see what happens, women are looking for a prparedness for some sort of exclusivity, Of course the standards are higher for that.