Letters to the Editor
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The Bottom Line
What do (American) women want? The Stones said it best: Everything in the world you can possibly imagine. What do men want? Seinfeld said it best: Women! We want women!
Women in America have become more independent, obviously-- precisely meaning that they don't need men (as much). But meanwhile, nothing has changed for men that might lessen our dependence on women. Thus, with so many American women professing that marriage is slavery, it would be surprising, in this age of jet air travel, if large numbers of American men were NOT hoping to find wives in foreign countries, where women (some women) are just as glad to find them. Nor is it purely due to the strength of the dollar. Americans of both genders who are less than model-perfect usually find themselves suddenly exotic and strangely irresistible in foreign lands; and it follows that there really is a special chemistry in international marriages (in the ones that succeed, anyway). In how many all-American marriages, after all, are both partners equally thrilled with each other, as opposed to one of them finally settling as middle-age looms? (Be honest.)
Local TV media, around the time of ratings sweeps, used to enjoy teasing prurient "exposes" on "mail-order brides". But when it came time to reveal the salacious details, there would instead be a shockingly ordinary couple who were simply happy they had found each other, full of hope that it will lead to a better life together, perhaps a little bit scared, and definitely self-conscious in front of the glare of the TV lights. I can find no fault wtih such fellow human beings, and suggest that my fellow Salon readers do the same.
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I don't want someone who "needs" me and is dependent upon me, rather someone who wants to
be with me. The fact is that American women are totally fucking useless until they are 35 years old and have removed their head from their selfish asses. Sadly, by that time they are too old and desperate. Hence, another good reason not to marry. If you are going to marry, as a man, a prenuptial agreement is mandatory to protect your career earnings, your assets, your future and shield it from divorce since 50% of all 1st marriages end in divorce. That is a fact.
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Why do you care?
This long exchage of posts is really revealing. I doubt very much that deep down, American women are consumed by compassion for the horrible plight of their sisters in Eastern Europe. In fact, what they really don't like about it is that it creates competition. It makes it clear to American men that yes, there are options.
The majority of the complaints about American men on this board are pathetically superficial. The most superficial ones are about division of housework. Yeah, that's what makes a marraige work -- equitable division of bathroom-cleaning. So many women see and think of men only in terms of what they can deliver or produce -- money or labor, basically. They don't see them as people. This is especially ironic coming from a feminist perspective, that allegedly means striving to end objectification.
Here is what men want -- they want acceptance for who they are. They want a certain amount of attention. They want sex. They want to be listened to, taken seriously, and respected. And most of all -- ladies, are you listening? They want to be FIRST. They key to making a marriage work is for each partner to put the other person first on their list of priorities -- ahead of job, ahead of kids, ahead of other relatives, ahead of friends.
As I write this, my wife and children have been gone from the house for two weeks. They're traveling on the East Coast, visiting her family. They will be gone for a total of a month, and I will join them for the last week. We have never taken a vacation as a family for more than a couple of days -- ever. I objected to this current trip, and after a prolonged fight, I gave in. I miss my kids. Today is my daughter's birthday. And I'm sick.
The point of all this is that my wife, like almost every other woman of her cohort, puts me and my welfare very close to the bottom of her priority list. I believe I come after her extended family, the children, her friends and herself. And this isn't about doing the dishes. I don't give aa shit about who does the dishes. It's about -- is she interested in what I think? Does she care whether I'm happy or sad or what? Does she try to support and encourage me or does she criticize me and hold me back.
Some men never wake up to the importance of these things. Others do, and they're going to do whatever they need to to get them. It's fascinating that someone equated being a traditional wife with slavery. That just about says it all. If you view taking someone else's needs seriously, and loving, honoring and cherishing them as slavery, then you ought to be delighted that a man is looking for that elsewhere? I don't see the problem here.
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Hee.
The last post makes it sound as though "American women" is the name of some kind of beast with but one head and many (selfish) asses. I imagine the head to be really big and the asses to be proportionately smaller and in a sort of ring below the waist. How is an ass selfish, I wonder? Does it demand that you stand all day and rub it with cocoa butter?
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Admit It, Trollboys...
...you aren't interested in an equal partner. You maybe think you should be, because you're Good Liberals otherwise. But what you really want is to be Master of the Household. What you say goes. Period. Fuck what she wants. Fuck whether she's happy or not. As long as she's smiling -- and dammit, she will smile, because you've ordered her to! -- you don't want to think about what she might need, other than maybe a battery charge. Admit it. It's good to be the king, isn't it?
So fine...if that's what you want, go somewhere else to find your submissive sweeties. I couldn't care less. Marry someone from Mars if that gives you your jollies. But yes, I do care very much whether or not you beat her up and rape her and call her nasty names. Abuse is abuse, no matter whence the origin of the bride. Other than that, have at it. Not a problem.
As other posters have said, though, beware of false advertising. The "I think only of your needs, darling" act is often just that -- an act, designed to lure you into being a battering ram for her rolling pin. Anyone who tells you only what you want to hear is bound to be full of unwanted surprises later on.
Now, that having been said, I do put my boyfriend first. I do care very much about his happiness. That's why, when he talks about going to a sunny climate in the winter for several weeks at a time, when I am only able to take off maybe a week myself, I'm happy to let him go. He has Seasonal Affective Disorder and he needs the sun. I'd rather he be happy in the sunshine without me than stuck indoors on a cold, icky day with me, feeling like he's imprisoned by his own brain chemistry. I know all too well what that feels like, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. If I were really a selfish bitch, I'd just say, "Well, couldn't you take some Wellbutrin and stay here?" But I don't -- because I know that if the tables were turned, he'd encourage me to do likewise. Can any of you trollboys who complain about Selfish American Women honestly claim the same thing?