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At first read, I scoffed at Richard Thompson Ford's theory...but reading further, there may be something to it. Every once in a while, someone straight will ask me, "Which of you is the man?" (We're both women.) They mean which one of us "wears the pants", does the traditionally male activities (primarily they're asking about non-bedroom activities, except for that one weird conversation with my ex...but that's another matter). Some seem genuinely puzzled. When I explain we share responsibilities based on our skills and talents and note that they don't always call into traditionally gender-segmented roles, some get it, others don't. (She's more mechanically inclined and has much better math skills, I'm better at cooking and I knit. But I'm better with the critters, playing sports and at carrying heavy items.)
All of this is neither here nor there. The bottom line is that people oppose issues such as gay marriage out of fear. (OK, granted a bunch are just mean-spirited jerks and others like Turd Blossom Rove are just political opportunitists.) Irrational fear to be sure. Which is why they usually just sputter when confronted with facts, figures and real gay/lesbian couples. Sometimes, such exposure can help them overcome these fears. Other times, the fears are just so deep-seated that, forget it.
The LGBT community has to continue to reach out to those who just may overcome their irrational fears. We have to continue to "live out loud"--there's Activism with a capital A and the daily-living activism of just being who we are day in and day out. Yes, we need the courts and legislatures on our side, but getting the people there is perhaps more important in the long run. Change begins at the grass roots. At the neighborhood level. In the workplace. In schools. Too often the LGBT community and our straight allies overlook the power of grassroots change.
