What a silly thing to debate. In the matter of blowjobs, I give, because I receive, so to speak. What does feminism have to do with it?

Twisty's a riot. Anyone who reads her blog knows she's a master of hyperbole.

People got overly defensive-- and too many people who didn't understand the joke or the blogger felt they needed to jump in and start a big battle. That's why the thing got so over-blown (pun intended).

The obscene is subject as object. - Sartre

M, there's really quite an easy solution to the dilemna of women getting none once the guy has come. In practically every sexual experience I have, its pretty much assumed that I come first. Hell, there's even a book named that for men, "She Comes First".

I don't outright demand this, its rarely been a problem for me since most men I've been with seem to get this to some degree. If they don't get it, I explain it as truthfully as possible: My coming directly enhances their experience because I'm wetter and my muscles are more relaxed for penetration. I'm not giving them a treatise in bed. That particular line came most recently when a guy I've been seeing was too tired or whatever to do his normal routine and thought he could just go for it. He saw and felt how uncomfortable I was and asked what was wrong.

As for this business of younger girls not getting as much as they're receiving, I think thats all media contrived bullshit. Right now the media is fascinated by this supposed Blow Job Phenonmena. Sorry kids, but you didn't invent oral sex. I gave plenty when I was in college and received just as much as well. This has nothing to do with Bill Clinton (so sorry for bringing him into this) like the Duke chick said in the linked Rolling Stone article from a few days back. The only difference now is his experience lead to the term being front page news so now its all anyone talks about.

If oral sex really and truly is more prevalent among teens now than before (still not buying it since my friends did it while virgins in highschool) its maybe because of the current obsession with abstinence. Honestly, did they really think the kids weren't going to do anything? I was a virgin til college and didn't date (or have any kind of sex) in highschool, but I explicitly remember writing in a journal entry about sex, when I was 15, that I would remain a virgin til marriage but would have oral sex until then if the opportunity arose.

If I had to stop and think about the symbolic import of every sexual act I engaged in, I'D NEVER GET ANY.

That said, don't blow your male partner in the morning before he gets up, or you will get a mouthful of pee. Also, it never hurts to shower beforehand, whichever sex you are.

There are so many comments to this and even though I may be repeating someone I'd like to put in my two cents about this--I've always noticed the strange differences in the portrayal (not actual reality, perhaps) of the power dynamics of oral sex. Going down on a man causes the sucker (for lack of a better word) to be seen as submissive--this occurs even with men sucking; going down on a woman causes the sucker to be seen as dominant, that is the woman is usually submissive no matter what position.

This is very disturbing, but also not very close to reality. Yes, the risk in receiving oral sex as a woman is pretty big (re: mouth/teeth close to vagina) but the risk in receiving oral sex as a man is even bigger (re: dick bigger and easier to chomp). Either way, it seems to me, the recipient is taking a big risk and logically, the recipient should be the one who is in a position of less power; even though the power dynamic most people follow has to do with the amount of pleasure received--person with more power=person with more orgasm.

However, in movies, porn, novels, etc, a woman sucking a man is submissive and a woman receiving oral is submissive. I think it's just a prejudice in the medium. Woman are (perceived as) disturbing and abnormal when they get sexual pleasure from being dominant(see dominatrices; even when woman do the top their usually put up there by the dominant male and held by the dominant male) and thus their sexual pleasure is usual seen as submissive.

Another thing: masturbation portrayals are also very different acc. to gender; woman's masturbation is usually portrayed as erotic and beautiful, men's as pitiful and gross and funny.

Why the big issue over women giving head, poor dears. Men do it for women, and most women who I have known enjoy it. Women even have oral sex with each other, and they're not all lesbians, it's pleasureable for either sex. In my opinion the women who enjoy oral sex performed on them, but won't let their male friends or husbands that enjoy doing it to them do it is because they don't want to have to recipricate. Their is nothing demeaning or powerful in the joyful participation of sex but to give the other pleasure, and feel there response of joy in orgasim.

I read a bit of the blogs on bjs, many of the comments and responses. I wasn't at all surprised by all of the uproar on this subject.

I don't think whether you like giving a blow job or not has anything to do with being a feminist. Everything about sex is personal. But let's not forget that the personal can also be political.

I do think that the idea that it is a woman's "choice" whether to give one or not is open to debate. If you say you don't want to give someone a blow job and they tell you to get lost what do you do? If you tell someone you don't like giving blow jobs and they don't believe you what do you do? If you don't really know what you like (and of course this changes with each partner) and you look around (esp at porn) and everyone else seems to be doing it and liking it what do you do? If it is considered open and sexy and hot to give a blow job but you don't like it but you want to be considered open and sexy and hot what do you do?

One issue that was raised in the blogs and comments is the whole concept of reciprocity - you have to give to get. I am a fervent believer that oral sex should NOT be a quid pro quo. Hopefully we all know by now that the majority of women do not orgasm from intercourse and are most likely to come from oral sex. It doesn't make sense to me to say that if a woman wants to have an orgasm she has to give a blow job in return, so let's stop acting like this is some kind of unwritten rule - it isn't. This is, of course, assuming that there is some caring going on between the two parties which is not always the case.

When we talk about choice we do have to look at the context in which choices are made and I think that is when the unfortunate topic of patriarchy comes in. Guys like blow jobs, women want guys to like them so they give them blow jobs (sorry, I'm limiting myself to hetero stuff here) - does that mean that women like the act or that they like the result of the act? I do think men expect to get blow jobs and to say that you aren't interested in giving one is not as easy as you might think (especially if you are 13 or 15 or have low self esteem or are just plain lonely).

I read an interesting quote the other day that said something like "women give sex to get love and men give love (or the pretense of it) to get sex". I think women do all sorts of ridiculous things to get love and I don't think they even stop to think about it. and that is the problem - there is no thought involved. there is no authenticity. it is following someone else's lead and believing that if you wear the right clothes or shoes, have the right color hair, have the right sized boobs, shave your pubes, give good head, WHATEVER, men will love you. Because that is what appears in every image surrounding us everywhere (any guess which gender controls the images?). and you have to constantly be on your toes and thinking in order to be authentic and that gets to be too hard.

my last point on this. everything is open to debate. everyone makes choices for reasons. At least to participate in these fora you should be able to explain why you make the choices you make, and if you can't maybe you should revisit the reason you made the choice in the first place.