I have a 32 year old friend who is on her 3rd or 4th round of Clomid (which you can only have 5 rounds of....in a lifetime) trying to get pregnant for her hubby who wants 5 perfect sons. Meanwhile, have they tested his 40+ year old, drinks quite a bit, smokes heavily, yo-yo weight loss/gaining self to see how mobile his boys are? Nope. And he DOES have a biological clock in that all he wants are kids. Have to wonder what's going to happen when she exhausts all her possibilities and it turns out to be him....

...if you give a rat's ass about it? I'm in my mid-30s. No kids. Never worry about it. Got a ton of male friends of similar age. Never heard any of them worry about it. Part of this might be that men just worry less. Sorry.

"When I meet a man, I ask myself, 'Is this the person I want my children to spend their weekends with?' "

How often have I heard or read the trope that women in their 30s are 'desperate' to get married before their fertility and looks (and therefore, presumably, ability to 'trap a man') expire, while guys ride can afford to play the field until their 40s, then find a nice younger woman to give him a familiy. This misogynistic crap (or wish fulfillment, if you prefer) has been the basis of big- and small-screen Hollywood entertainment since time out of mind. Time to put the myth away, or at least acknowledge that younger women aren't any more interested in hooking up with an older guy shooting blanks than an older guy is interested in hooking up with a same-aged woman 'desperate' for childrlen.

Funny - though these fallacies are the basis for nearly all casting in Hollywood (where 80% of the male roles are 40+ but less than 10% of the female roles are) I've never really seen real-life people behave according to these tropes. Journalists have something to do with this lingering controversy-where-there-is-no-controversy..witness the long vestibule of silence between Newsweek's erroneous "women over 40/terroris/marriage" statistic and retraction of same...and now the endless rehashing of it, which, while admitting the error, poses no similar hyperbolic disaster scenario for men, instead choosing to continue to let the whiff of female neediness and desperation permeate the continuation of the non-story. An editor didn't want to rid the story of that whiff because the belief in female neediness and desperation sells. Stories about people who have sex with their dogs would sell, too, but somehow editors have figured out that such prurient interest shouldn't necessarily be a major driver in editorial choices for magazine content. Imagine.

_fertility_, not infertility, is everyone's problem, because there are way too many humans on this planet. I got a vasectomy years ago, without having spawned first, and I encourage all men to do so.

men may have lower sperm counts but women have to concieve and carry the baby. men can solve their problem by fucking more, unless they are almost completely shot. I understand dealing with the situation is a little more invovled for women but if women want to consider it the same that's fine by me.

the older the man at conception, the more likely there are to be genetic defects also. It simply hasn't been ballyhooed that men are at fault for some of the defects in older mothers' children. Usually older mothers have older mates, even older than the mothers. It would be interesting to see what the genetic defect burden is on couples where the mother is older than the father.

I always ask her "whose fault is it?" It cracks her up every time. Maybe it's funny because we've never had a problem with fertility. But whether it's the guy's sperm not being able to swim straight, or a woman's eggs being undercooked, I always want to know. Does the non-defective half of the couple secretly resent the defective one? Does the one who secretly doesn't really want kids feel relieved (until the other one starts talking about a $20,000 adoption)? This stuff is interesting.

That is an interesting theory, one many men subscribe too. Funny to hear it come from a feminist.

Lynn says: "there also persists the image of women delaying motherhood because they're "picky" (N.B., "picky," about the person with whom they'll spend their life and raise a child) or "focusing on their careers" while legions of able-spermed men wait around for them to commit and reproduce."

THANK YOU for saying it!

Mikki, author, "Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman's Guide"

Hmmm....Broadsheet, what is "equal" about male infertility? Sounds like a big bummer to me which adds more to the bad odds pool that older couples who want to be parents can't. You do cover all the bases, Lynn, thank you....and for mentioning that it's not something to be "happy" about.

You are right though about men getting tested late in the game: I read today that many male fertility tests are done shoddily and incorrectly anyway. Something to grill your urologist on, guys.

I've also heard that a higher risk of schizophrenia can be caused by older sperm.

P.S. Ether, there's something slightly offensive, show offy and callous about your post. What a "crack up" this topic is. "Who's fault," indeed. Hilarious.

Gritting my teeth. Free. Speech. OK. Over it.