Letters to the Editor

Newsweek: OK, singles, now you can worry about terrorism Twenty years later, the magazine says you might get married after all. Lynn Harris [2006-05-24]

• Apology Not Accepted

  As the Carol Owens (and longtime Salon reader and member) who was quoted at the header of this "article" from 1986, I'm only partially appeased by Newsweek's twenty-years too late mea culpa for the article "Too Late For Prince Charming?". As I told the reporter when he contacted me earlier in the week and I declined to be re-interviewed, the entire first paragraph of that "story", which unhappily features me, or some person who is supposed to be me, is a fabrication.

  When I spoke to the reporter in 1986, I wished to address what I believed to be the false assumptions that underlay the study. However, the knowledge he'd acquired from the reporter who'd referred him to me, namely that I was one of six "unmarried" sisters, proved too much for the fervid imaginings of the folks at Newsweek. Somehow, the answer to the question "How did you first hear about the study?" ended up portraying my mother as a New Age Mrs. Bennett, in a positive lather to marry off all of her daughters now.

  As I've said repeatedly to my friends over the years, as fond as I am of Jane Austen and Pride and Prejudice in particular, I've never held any sort of delusion that I'm actually living it.

  In truth, my youngest sister was all of 16 years old in 1986. The oldest was 27. I was 23. The last thing that my parents, who had always emphasized education and self-reliance, were thinking of was marrying any of us off. My mother was mortified to have been portrayed as having said words that I (and my sisters) can testify never passed her lips (nor mine). Even worse, she spent the next weeks being questioned about it by family, friends and neighbors.

  As for me, I spent the next week or so fending off reporters who wanted to get my sisters and me on television to "see if we could be married off". If "we were all really ugly", we could have taken advantage of a number of makeovers that were offered to us in hopes of making us marriageable. One local radio wag suggested a Bridal Auction, if you can imagine it.

  I felt as if I was living in some sort of Bizarro-World where my accomplishments, my intelligence -- my essential personhood -- had no validation unless certified by the societal stamp of marriage. That notion was in direct opposition to the values that both of my parents had instilled in all of us who are lucky enough to be their daughters.

  Twenty years later finds me successful and happy in my chosen field, with a large group of far-flung friends and scads of family to entertain in my home. Oh, and unlike the rest of my sisters, I have remained single. Four of them are married; one has divorced but is happily involved. Perhaps one day I will marry, but only if I am lucky enough to find and maintain the happiness that (most of) my sisters and parents have found in their own marriages.

  Then as now, I believe that my worth as a human being is determined by the things that I do, the manner in which I conduct myself, and the love that I give to my family and friends. If this is the "spinsterhood" referred to in the Newsweek article that came out today, I'll just rock on with my spinster-y self, thanks.

  -- Carol Owens
  [Read Carol Owens's other letters]
  Permalink Flag Wednesday, May 24, 2006 11:03 AM
  Click "Submit Flag" if you feel this post is inappropriate. Explain why below if you wish.

  Cancel