I find it interesting that Kelly makes such a deal about "civility", and yet she claims she would gladly be uncivil enough to refuse a seat offered to her by a man. You may sneer at the motivation, girl, but that seat is offered in the spirit of generosity, and to turn up your nose is ungracious in the extreme.

What the hell ever happened to accepting such gestures gracefully? Or is it required of us that we examine every attempt at courtesy for markers of political correctness before we deign, from our lofty moral perches, to accept the favor? If so, I'm glad to count myself among the women who understand that a guy offering me his seat may simply be trying to be polite, a virtue which (as this article so clearly demonstrates) is fast dying out.

Give Serai a star.

I do mourn the loss of chivalry. Especially since the time I most would have wanted to be offered a seat was when I was naseous, dizzy and not yet "showing".

Do we really have to be offended by being offered a seat by a man. We work longer hours than they do, so do we have to be rude to the ones who might be acknowledging that fact?

Civility in public shouldn't be gender-specific; I agree it is weird to offer a woman a seat on the merits of her gender alone. However, some people *do* treat pregnant women as though they are vaguely distateful, in my recent experience. It's rather strange. Anyone have theories on why? Often it is young women, more often than not, as the article pointed out.

On the general topic of politeness, food service people are especially likely to behave in a presumptuous and/or rude way if you are visibly pregnant; for example, I was recently waiting in a bar with friends for a table to open up in a restaurant, and the waitress offered everyone a drink but me, on the assumption that I was too stupid to ask for something non-alchoholic. Didn't even offer me water, just acted like I wasn't there.

People are strange.

I never thought much about the door holding/ seat giving controversy until one day several years ago that I was with my husband and brothers in law and we were moving a pile of rocks. Backround: I was very proud of my good physical shape back then. All of a sudden they all started saying " on no, what are you doing, stop, you don't have to" and I flashed back to when my sibs and I said the EXACT same things to my grandmother when we were all raking leaves, and she was irritated and I didn't get it. Suddenly, I got it. As will every man who one day finds himself treated as old. That is, I knew there intentions were kind, but I felt a little like they were treating me like I was handicapped or hurt in some way, and I wasn't at all. I was an unpregnant, young strong woman and it was jarring to see how they saw me in a way I disn't see myself at all.

I hold open doors for everyone, and I don't really use public transportation but I do defer to the elderly, the pregnant, the handicapped and parents of very young children when I'm anywhere public.

I'm not going to mourn the loss of chivalry either (don't offer me your seat because I'm female. I'm also young and healthy), but as for this statement:

"Holding the child outside your body gets you a seat versus holding it inside your body."

There is quite a simple explanation. While YOU may think it's perfectly obvious to everyone that you are pregnant, it isn't. Sure, I may be able to make an educated guess, but it's always possible that I could be wrong. If I, as a woman, offer you my seat, you are going to KNOW it's because I've assumed you're pregnant. What if you're not? In my attempt to be nice to a stranger, I've just severely insulted you. Standard etiquette tells me not to assume someone is pregnant unless they happen to tell me so.

On the other hand, if you are carrying a child in your arms, I don't have to make ANY assumptions. And I'll offer up my seat accordingly.

My husband and I have been talking about this phenomenon for years now. (The phenomenon being Americans aversion to pregnancy, but we also notice it with infants, and small children).

We consider the US our home, but now live in Peru and pregnancy and children are a national obsession here. I have a 16 month old and I am 22 weeks pregnant, and I cannot take three steps without people asking me about both. Women and men!

When we go back to the States no one talks to us or acknowlegdes our child or my pregnany (I was 8 months pregnant with my first child and in the states).

Here is my analysis - everyone here says hello to everyone as you pass them on the street, so people feel more comfortable talking to strangers. That is not the case in the US - actually people avoid eye contact with people they don't know, so people appear cold and distant (and sometimes mean for not giving up their seat).

My husband and I have made a pact to tell all mothers how cute their babies are (even if they are ugly) and to be very nice to all pregnant people while we are home. Maybe we can start a trend.

People are constantly asking me about my pregnancy, congratulating me, asking me when I'm due, asking if I'm carrying twins (I'm not, but I am unusually front-loaded, so I look as if I'm nine months when I'm seven)... I haven't noticed the shifty-eyed staring at my tummy. But then I don't use public transportation. Maybe it's a thing there.

(Thankfully, no one rubs my tummy. I *would* break some fingers. I can be polite to anyone asking me something, including well-intentioned but rude questions like the ones about the twins, but do *not* violate my body space.)

Because of the lack of using public transportation I'm never in a position to need a seat, but people are eager to help me open doors. Of course I also have a two-year-old, maybe that's why.

My philosophy has always been that if someone offers me assistance, I will accept graciously if it's really easy for them (ie, opening a door for me) and refuse in a very friendly and polite way if they'll have to go out of their way, unless I really need the help (ie, offering to help me load my groceries into my car.) I will reciprocate by offering assistance to anyone else, male or female, if it's not a burden for me (open doors for anyone, for instance.) What pisses me off is when I open doors for men and instead of smiling and walking through them, they hold them open themselves and motion me to go through. *That* is uncivil -- they're basically saying "I can't be seen taking help from a lowly woman" and insisting that they must be the ones to give help. But I consider it just as uncivil to do the same to a man holding the door open for me -- if we lived in a gender-equal society we should all hold doors open for each other.