Letters to the Editor
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I still say it's personality when you don't have the genetics
I would argue that the same rules would not have applied to a young man. You got those dates becuase you were a young women, to which those dates came easier. If you were a man posessing your same level of physical attractiveness, same personality traits, etc...you would not have landed those 30 guys over the years. All hypothetical, of course. Being a woman, you hold the romance card, and as such you can pick and choose a lot more generiously then the equivalent guy could have.
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So you think I picked and chose? No, a majority of the people I went on a date with I asked out. I made sure not to ever let a man I was interested in think of me as a "friend". Which means I was rejected sometimes too. Most of the dates that were asked of me were from people I wasn't attracted to, but I gave them a shot anyway. I made my dating destiny, it was not handed to me because I was a young woman. You think it's easy getting boys to notice you in HIGH SCHOOL one of the most shallow hormone ridden places in the world where all these cute little girls with perky boobs and tight tummies are running around in their half shirts and short skirts and I'm the slightly chubby brunette with thin hair and freckles? Why if it's all about hotness and being a young woman did I generally have a boyfriend while they didn't?
I have not witnessed the same attitude that I have in my single male loney friends. These guys are the average type, average height, a little chubby but not grotesque by any means, decent faces, still have hair and they are basically nice guys. I have witnessed women come up to them, start talking to them, then they dismiss her. When I ask why they shooed her away, the answer is always-she wasn't very pretty and all they have in their homes are Playboy, Maxim and FHM. The only women they will approach are the best ones in the bar and then bitch about how she wasn't interested. So here's the real difference, I was willing to date ugly guys, and I didn't sit around and wait for people to notice me, I made sure I was noticeable. I KNEW I was at a disadvantage to all the really pretty girls who the boys always commented and had fantasies about. I have dated hot people and I have dated average people and I have dated ugly people. I also remember in high school certain guys who's looks made my stomach turn, but becuase they were cocky and self assured, they did get many dates.
It's always the insecure, boring, nice people who want to blame their lack of dating options on their looks, but that's why we have brains. Suck it up and learn that it really is your personality that gets you places. Sure attractive people automatically have an advantage in winning that genetic lottery, but if only the hottest are hooking up, we'd all look like supermodels by now and you'd never see beautiful people with a person on their arm that makes you go "huh" how did that happen?
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you make some solid points.
you make some good points. I still stand by the idea that a young woman gets a certain amount of free passes simply by posessing her sexuality, whether she is the "hottest" in the room, or not. But, I agree that personality can make up some of the ground.
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you all have got to be kidding me
I can count on one hand the number of times a guy I've known post junior high stopped dating a girl who was pretty because she was "too" crazy.
You all talk about women's love of bad boys as if it were a foregone conclusion, yet men dating the most attractive woman they can find while ignoring her other tendencies, such a a proclivity to being manipulative, or unfaithful, or just mean seems to be merely incidental.
Yeah, there's lots of crazy women out there - manipulative and mean - they continue to act as such because they are rewarded, not for that behavior but simply for being attractive. You guys aren't doing any of us a favor by revering them and buying them drinks and making them think it's ok to be a bitch.
The problem starts and ends with you.
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SETTLE
<< Also, so some fat, outwardly unattractive people end up with other fat, outwardly unattractive people (the ones "nobody else wants")? Geez. You complain about women being shallow, and then you make a crack like that. >>
alright, it is ok for women to strive upwardly, compete with each other, plasticise and pouf themselves out, to get a 'catch', someone richer, more powerful, hotter.
but men should 'settle' for only an equal.
I see where this is going.
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true story
A woman marched up to my brother at a bar in a party city and said "aren't you going to buy me a drink?"
He laughed in her face and said "fuck no, are you going to buy me one?" He has a nice, attractive wife - makes ya think, huh?
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to bri
alright, it is ok for women to strive upwardly, compete with each other, plasticise and pouf themselves out, to get a 'catch', someone richer, more powerful, hotter.
Um, no, that is not what I said. There are certainly women, and men, in the world wh act that way. I never said it was okay; I never said anything about it at all.
As it happens, I don't think it's okay. That's why I don't behave like that and never have, and why I do not associate with people who do behave like that.
And, again, if the person you're with is smart, kind, and good and true of heart, I fail to see how that can possibly be considered "settling," unless it really, really matters to you what other people think of the appearance of the person you're with.
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ATTRACTIVENESS
<< really matters to you what other people think of the appearance of the person you're with. >>
or maybe, just maybe I like physical attractiveness.
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Oh Please, Oh Please, Oh Please...
...Salon, when are you going to give us the option of filtering and marking posts as "read" in the Letters section? I am getting a migraine wading through the same old pile of "women all suck and only want to date wealthy macho men except for the fat ones who aren't even women anyway as far as I'm concerned because they gross me out even though or maybe even because I'm fat myself" posts from the usual suspects. Every time. In response to damn near every Broadsheet subject. I'm starting to think there are actually bots posting these things and not actual humans, kinda like the right-wing troll posts on Huffington Post.