so I guess people having sex is bad. I don't want to watch anybody take a crap so I guess nobody should do that at all. Where do people come up with this garbage.

Dear Reality Based Lefty,

What do you mean that over 35's have a problem with porn? You cheeky little git. Don't know what reality YOU live in. Try talking to some crusties who aren't your parents.

Regards.

Sheesh-- arguing FOR porn, even if it isn't your cup of tea, is a no-winner with anyone over 35. If you're under 35, it's a no-brainer. It's part of contemporary scenery, spurred on by the acquisition of home video cameras that look better than state-of-the-art equipment from 10 years ago.

And it's ubiquitous. MTV is virtually soft-core porn, and it's on the TV every day. About the only thing real porn has on anything that's R-rated is gynecological accuracy. Strip clubs, lap dances, and stripper poles are part of the culture now-- whether the Last of the True Ostensibly-Feminist Believers want to accept it or not.

And the fact that the Left can't come to terms with it's fundamentally Puritanical perspective on something as widespread as porn is just another symptom of our ineffectiveness. As long as someone else getting off has no deleterious relationship or societal consequences, who cares? And why should you care? Or do Lefties only believe in privacy if it involves the inside of a woman's uterus?

FWIW, the puritan nature that runs through the Left is killing the Left. It wrecks the #1 tool that we have on the Right-- the belief that what individuals do in private, especially for fun, is their own business. And lest one forgets, Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll moved us quite a ways on opposing a nasty war that happened a generation ago-- besides giving the participants a hell of a memory set, and some great music to get old by.

Time to get over it, Rebecca. Porn is here to stay. And maybe-- just maybe-- if we canned the puritanical rap, we might find some more recruits in the younger ranks. Because our puritanism has already turned them off-- and to too many, instead of being the societal role models for change that we need to be, we're already in the dustbin of irrelevance.

"But if you're in a relationship in which it's enough of a problem that one person is offended, threatened or made unhappy by her partner's viewing, ... maybe you should stick to the porn and get out of the relationship."

Porn is inifinitely better than being stuck with a uptight, humorless, frigid, blueblood who is incapable of getting any joy out of life, and determined to suck all of it out of yours. Get out while you can!

I'm not sure I'd want my daughter or wife being President either, I don't know what that says.

I feel Ms. Traister was misrepresenting the article as well... up until the author still had suggestions for the guy who could only get aroused or climax from watching porn. That guy has serious issues that need to be addressed, I don't think there's a compromise out there that makes it ok.

i don't know what's up with "a women," but the fact remains that ms. traister did misrepresent the article, in the typical broadsheet rush to snark.

there's nothing about balloon fetishes or mute submissives in the article, and the actions the author recommends are not "tricks," they're attempts to compromise or make at least some sort of offering to the woman who's bothered by her partner's viewing of porn. who knows -- the actions recommended by columnsit might actually start a healthy dialogue. i've seen similar advice from dan savage and other sex columnists.

please, broadsheet, stop with the snark and do some actual reporting.

It's not acceptable to me that my daughter flip burgers, but that doesn't mean that I think it's inherently abusive to eat fast food.

It's not acceptable to me that my daughter becomes a hairdresser, but that doesn't mean I feel I'm being abusive when I go get a haircut.

There are lots of jobs in the world that suck, and I want better than that for my daughter. She's smart and motivated and she can do better.

I'm pretty sure there are jobs in the world *I* would rather be a porn star than do (coal mining, among them), but is it abusive to use coal?

So the argument "You can only enjoy porn if you'd be okay if your sister or daughter was doing it" is fallacious, as it's tantamount to saying "You can only enjoy the warmth of a coal stove if you'd be okay with your sister, daughter, son or brother being a coal miner." Personally I don't like porn, I find it vapid, visual images don't turn me on a great deal and I'm aware that most people who choose to work in the sex industry have chosen it because they suffered abuse in their past, which makes it somewhat exploitative. But I'm not going to say that because it's somewhat exploitative (unlike, say, prostitution, which, being illegal, is *incredibly* exploitative) no one is allowed to enjoy it, because I'm pretty sure migrant workers are exploited worse and yet no one has advised me to stop enjoying fruit.

Unfortunately this world is full of exploitative jobs and unless you're going to go live off the land and grow all your own food, you cannot be a 21st century Westerner without enjoying what comes from the exploitation of others. Factory work in third world countries pays less well and is more dangerous than porn work in the US. But all the stuff we buy is manufactured in the third world by exploited poor workers. Singling out sex work as worse is making a value judgement on sex workers that I'm not prepared to make. If they freely choose to do that work rather than flipping burgers or becoming hairdressers, well, I'm not going to say that those who enjoy their efforts are morally inferior, because I like my computer and I'm sure it was put together by people paid substandard wages in a sweatshop somewhere, so I don't really have a moral high ground. And I doubt any of us do.