Letters to the Editor

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Pornographic persuasion How to make your girlfriend OK with your porn habit.
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  • DD

    I suspect your husband is coming to realize that he is gay. Or at the very least bi-sexual. I say this because a porn collection is very telling about what a person likes sexually. I have always looked at my guys porn to find out what they like. One guy had all this bondage porn, so I got the fuck out of there fast as bondage is not my thing. I have a husband, and his porn pretty much matches what we do, minus the multiple partners. I have many straight male friends with porn collections. Not one of them has any male gay porn, lesbian porn, sure, but many of them stick with all female porn or 2 or more women to one guy porn. Also since your husband seems to be having gay fantasies, as a very straight woman all I can say is that the idea of licking a woman's twat has never appealed to me, no matter how many times I see it in porn and I've asked my husband if seeing these guys has ever made him wonder what it'd be like to be with a man, his response was practically outrage. Straight men, do not have fantasies of sticking another man's penis in their mouth or their ass or vice versa.

    Any straight men here have fantasies of being with other guys, but you are fully sure you're straight? Any gay guys out there thinking they were straight until they got a hold of some gay male porn?

    So talk to your husband, tell him your concerns, and even ask if he'd be willing to get rid of the gay porn and just return to the straight porn. If he refuses, then I think you have your answer.

  • Porn and coal miners

    Ok, porn is considered more immoral than coal mining, but what about being a furrier, or working at KFC, or having a job in animal testing, or hunting whales, or working for Exxon-Mobil, or Monsanto, or who the heck knows what else.

    There are a lot of jobs out there that you can find someone to be offended about, but that doesn't mean you wouldn't want your daughter to do it.

    Actually I wouldn't want my daughter or son to do it either, but that's just me. It's more that straight porn tends not to use condoms and also that I think it might be hard to separate out the emotional from the sexual aspects of the whole deal.

    After all, nowhere in the bible does it forbid being photographed or filmed in the act of sex, so how do we know God has an issue with it.

  • HAHA

    "My husband watches gay porn all of the time, every single day. He watches gay porn so often that he doesn't get anything done around the house. He has enormous collections of gay porn materials. Why doesn't he want to have sex with me?"

    This has got to be the dumbest thing I have read on the internet in at least a year. Here's a tip smarty, straight men do not spend a majority of their free time looking at gay porn...period...no exceptions...ever.

  • Um...

    most straight men are as horrifed by gay male porn as women are by male/female porn.

    There's a reason for this: porn feels very different to many men when they see another male being "used" for pleasure in the way they like to see women used for pleasure.

    Um...not to disagree, but I don't think "most straight men" are "horrified" by "gay male porn" for the same reason "women" are "horrified" by "male/female porn"--if indeed they are.

  • Morality

    The point about porn work is that it's considered immoral.

    As is abortion by many. Would you also not want your daughter to have one? Or are your morals the only ones that count?

  • "porn feels very different to many men when they see another male being "used" for pleasure in the way they like to see women used for pleasure.

    You've obviously never read anything about prisons, the British Royal Navy or Brokeback mountain.

  • Since when

    is appreciation of attractive bodies doing sexy things a BAD thing?

    Puritans SUCK

  • pass the popcorn

    Not wanting to watch others have sex doesn't mean there is something wrong with you - some feel that sex is a private activity, and aren't interested in porn any more than they would be interested in spying through someone's bedroom window.

    Have we now decided that not wanting to watch others (or strangers) copulate is abnormal, and a matter calling for therapy, or at least derision and a dismissive label of 'old-fashioned and repressed'? Next will we decide that everyone should be happy and willing to watch strangers use the toilet, or else they are maladjusted and prudish?

    I don't have anything against porn, or against prostitution, for that matter. However, I don't think that anyone has a 'right' to expect a partner to be okay with porn use. Those who view sex as a private matter, whether it's their own or someone else's, have just as valid an outlook as those who like to watch others have sex as entertainment or stimulation.

    If your partner doesn't feel comfortable with your using porn, don't lie or hide it from them - look for a compromise. If that doesn't work, decide which is worth more to you. If it's the porn, find someone who feels like you do. But in either case, at least be honest about it. Sneaking around and hiding something that you know would make your partner unhappy or angry is disrespectful and cowardly.

    I know someone who's husband became addicted to porn. He started out watching a few times a week, and she sometimes watched with him. Within a year, not only was he spending 300 dollars a month on cable porn, (in secret, late at night) but he became increasingly unable to enjoy 'regular' sex, wanting them to watch porn to get ready for sex, then to have the porn on during sex (a virtual orgy, apparently) and so on, until it became obvious that porn had taken over his life, and his expectations for their sex life became absurdly unrealistic.

    Naturally, this is an extreme case. However, it is true that with overuse of porn, the pleasure centers of the brain tend to develop a 'tolerance' for that stimulation level, just like drug stimulation, thus the brain needs increasing levels of stimulation to reach the same 'high' or pleasure level - doubtless the mechanics behind his addiction. He needed not only more porn, but more 'intense' porn as time went on.

    Weird.

    Have your boyfriend watch D/S porn where the male is submissive, and see how much he likes porn when it's the man being used and subjugated and posed with a dildo up his butt...a rough equivalent of what is done to women in 'regular' porn films. Insist on this type of film becoming part of your relationship because it turns you on, and there is nothing wrong with it.

    Let us know how it turns out.

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