That reminds me. Why don't real lesbians make porn?

Who has time for a 5-hour movie?

Therein lies the ugly truth about males and porn--all you need to know.

Porn feels very different to many men when they see another male being "used" for pleasure in the way they like to see women used for pleasure.

--JC

Have your boyfriend watch D/S porn where the male is submissive, and see how much he likes porn when it's the man being used and subjugated and posed with a dildo up his butt.

--watsonian

Women tend to be very passive even in most mainstream porn-- they're often ordered around; usually they're in a submissive position in comparison with the man (or men).

--Melody

To alleviate the concerns of the above posters, from this moment on, I vow to watch only female on female porn.

I eagerly await the unending accolades my noble self sacrifice will no doubt bring...

so we are left always with the same question, why is there a different and more restrictive standard applied to sex than to any other area of life. I personally think that women reading romance novels about good looking, successfully men being totally devoted to the interests and concerns of the female heroine of the story is totally unrealistic, totally degrading to men, sets up all kinds of problematic expectations and I want it stopped NOW!!!!!

"Of course you make worthwhile points, but within a sexual context, in our species or almost (<-- qualifier alert, don't waste your time mining Wiki for tidbits on the reproductive habits of seahorses or whatever, people) any other, aren't females inherently subordinate? I mean, the term "subordinate" is laced with any number of negative connotations, but at a fundamental level, doesn't the nature and physics of the act of sex itself dictate this?

-- No Name Given"

No, it doesn't. Once you rule out seahorses and all the other animals that don't have male/dom female/sub relations you are left with a very small group, and that group would exclude humans. Rape and patriarchy aside, humans are known (like rats) for their wild variations in sexual behavior. Human females for instance are not well described as submissive, rather as subversive. While men are off trying to impregnate as many women as they can get their hands on, women are trying to get knocked up by the best genetic material they can find. Ahh, notice I did not say provider. Women will marry a provider if they need to, but they will sleep around behind his back and get knocked up by men with very symmetrical features. Men with these features are the least likely to stay, and the most likely to make a woman orgasm. Female orgasm causes the uterus to contract and retain 80% more sperm than a woman who doesn't orgasm. 30% of all pregnancies are, uhh, by the "wrong" guy. Among primates humans are very unusual because you can't tell by looking at the females when they ovulate, we don't go into heat and we have sex all the time. What does this do? Confuses paternity. Among primates that go into heat, males will commit infanticide to send the mother back into heat so that they can knock her up with their own seed. Successful females in these populations have developed numerous ways to combat this, one way is to ingratiate yourself to numerous boyfriends and co-opt them as babysitters. But human females do this and more.... In the battle of the sexes, I'm afraid most species are evenly matched and rather ingenious in the ways they try to subvert the reproductive goals of their partners and competetors, if you set aside rape and patriarchy. Which, I do believe, we are doing now that they have been recognized as unhealthy social problems and not as a biological manifest destiny.

UMM, I don't know how to break it to you, but if this actually happenned I can GUARANTEE it had NOTHING to do with some sort of epiphany about how women feel about being "objectified" or really about anything to do with women at all.

Melody wrote:

"I certainly don't think that the use of porn is always wrong or bad-- I've watched them myself from time to time. But porn certainly has the power to shape views of sex and sexuality, to contribute to a blurring of the lines between fantasy and reality, and to reinforce (and sexualize) the subordinate status of women."

Of course you make worthwhile points, but within a sexual context, in our species or almost (<-- qualifier alert, don't waste your time mining Wiki for tidbits on the reproductive habits of seahorses or whatever, people) any other, aren't females inherently subordinate? I mean, the term "subordinate" is laced with any number of negative connotations, but at a fundamental level, doesn't the nature and physics of the act of sex itself dictate this?

Hide it. A small mintority of women will be cool with your watching whatever porn you want, but deep down, even those women aren't happy about it. Its one of those innate things. I'm no scientist (and apparently neither are some of these study authors if you really look at their methods), but there are some things that clearly demonstrate how men and women are simply wired differently and porn is one of them. As long as it isnt getting in the way, make like the rest of the population and let it be.

The Effects of "excessive" (what does that mean?) porn are well-documented? Well, if you accept the conclusions of the Meese Commission I guess.

There have been endless studies of the effects of violent television and video games on the brain. It does contribute to a tolerance of violence. If someone watches an excessive amount of pornography, it's reasonable to assume that (at least in some cases) it would eventually affect that person's views on sex as well as on women. Women tend to be very passive even in most mainstream porn-- they're often ordered around; usually they're in a submissive position in comparison with the man (or men). And there's plenty of popular porn out there which is quite extreme and/or violent.

I certainly don't think that the use of porn is always wrong or bad-- I've watched them myself from time to time. But porn certainly has the power to shape views of sex and sexuality, to contribute to a blurring of the lines between fantasy and reality, and to reinforce (and sexualize) the subordinate status of women. I think it's certainly worth thinking about how pornography affects our society, especially men and their views of women. It's an important conversation that doesn't deserve to be trivialized by those who brush off any concerns, claiming that a multi-billion-dollar industry based entirely on watching people have sex has nothing to do with how sex itself is viewed and experienced in this country.

Not wanting to watch others have sex doesn't mean there is something wrong with you - some feel that sex is a private activity, and aren't interested in porn any more than they would be interested in spying through someone's bedroom window.

Have we now decided that not wanting to watch others (or strangers) copulate is abnormal, and a matter calling for therapy, or at least derision and a dismissive label of 'old-fashioned and repressed'? Next will we decide that everyone should be happy and willing to watch strangers use the toilet, or else they are maladjusted and prudish?

I don't have anything against porn, or against prostitution, for that matter. However, I don't think that anyone has a 'right' to expect a partner to be okay with porn use. Those who view sex as a private matter, whether it's their own or someone else's, have just as valid an outlook as those who like to watch others have sex as entertainment or stimulation.

If your partner doesn't feel comfortable with your using porn, don't lie or hide it from them - look for a compromise. If that doesn't work, decide which is worth more to you. If it's the porn, find someone who feels like you do. But in either case, at least be honest about it. Sneaking around and hiding something that you know would make your partner unhappy or angry is disrespectful and cowardly.

I know someone who's husband became addicted to porn. He started out watching a few times a week, and she sometimes watched with him. Within a year, not only was he spending 300 dollars a month on cable porn, (in secret, late at night) but he became increasingly unable to enjoy 'regular' sex, wanting them to watch porn to get ready for sex, then to have the porn on during sex (a virtual orgy, apparently) and so on, until it became obvious that porn had taken over his life, and his expectations for their sex life became absurdly unrealistic.

Naturally, this is an extreme case. However, it is true that with overuse of porn, the pleasure centers of the brain tend to develop a 'tolerance' for that stimulation level, just like drug stimulation, thus the brain needs increasing levels of stimulation to reach the same 'high' or pleasure level - doubtless the mechanics behind his addiction. He needed not only more porn, but more 'intense' porn as time went on.

Weird.

Have your boyfriend watch D/S porn where the male is submissive, and see how much he likes porn when it's the man being used and subjugated and posed with a dildo up his butt...a rough equivalent of what is done to women in 'regular' porn films. Insist on this type of film becoming part of your relationship because it turns you on, and there is nothing wrong with it.

Let us know how it turns out.