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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
i don't know what's up with "a women," but the fact remains that ms. traister did misrepresent the article, in the typical broadsheet rush to snark.
there's nothing about balloon fetishes or mute submissives in the article, and the actions the author recommends are not "tricks," they're attempts to compromise or make at least some sort of offering to the woman who's bothered by her partner's viewing of porn. who knows -- the actions recommended by columnsit might actually start a healthy dialogue. i've seen similar advice from dan savage and other sex columnists.
please, broadsheet, stop with the snark and do some actual reporting.
I'm not sure I'd want my daughter or wife being President either, I don't know what that says.
I feel Ms. Traister was misrepresenting the article as well... up until the author still had suggestions for the guy who could only get aroused or climax from watching porn. That guy has serious issues that need to be addressed, I don't think there's a compromise out there that makes it ok.
"But if you're in a relationship in which it's enough of a problem that one person is offended, threatened or made unhappy by her partner's viewing, ... maybe you should stick to the porn and get out of the relationship."
Porn is inifinitely better than being stuck with a uptight, humorless, frigid, blueblood who is incapable of getting any joy out of life, and determined to suck all of it out of yours. Get out while you can!
Sheesh-- arguing FOR porn, even if it isn't your cup of tea, is a no-winner with anyone over 35. If you're under 35, it's a no-brainer. It's part of contemporary scenery, spurred on by the acquisition of home video cameras that look better than state-of-the-art equipment from 10 years ago.
And it's ubiquitous. MTV is virtually soft-core porn, and it's on the TV every day. About the only thing real porn has on anything that's R-rated is gynecological accuracy. Strip clubs, lap dances, and stripper poles are part of the culture now-- whether the Last of the True Ostensibly-Feminist Believers want to accept it or not.
And the fact that the Left can't come to terms with it's fundamentally Puritanical perspective on something as widespread as porn is just another symptom of our ineffectiveness. As long as someone else getting off has no deleterious relationship or societal consequences, who cares? And why should you care? Or do Lefties only believe in privacy if it involves the inside of a woman's uterus?
FWIW, the puritan nature that runs through the Left is killing the Left. It wrecks the #1 tool that we have on the Right-- the belief that what individuals do in private, especially for fun, is their own business. And lest one forgets, Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll moved us quite a ways on opposing a nasty war that happened a generation ago-- besides giving the participants a hell of a memory set, and some great music to get old by.
Time to get over it, Rebecca. Porn is here to stay. And maybe-- just maybe-- if we canned the puritanical rap, we might find some more recruits in the younger ranks. Because our puritanism has already turned them off-- and to too many, instead of being the societal role models for change that we need to be, we're already in the dustbin of irrelevance.
Dear Reality Based Lefty,
What do you mean that over 35's have a problem with porn? You cheeky little git. Don't know what reality YOU live in. Try talking to some crusties who aren't your parents.
Regards.
so I guess people having sex is bad. I don't want to watch anybody take a crap so I guess nobody should do that at all. Where do people come up with this garbage.
Take up watching porn yourself ... gay male porn. Watch it all the time. Leave magazines out. Leave tons of it in your browser cache. Leave video tapes or DVDs running. Ask him if he can't just adjust and get into it. Tell him he's prude if he doesn't want to watch it with you.
Granted, this may not work on some men, but most straight men are as horrifed by gay male porn as women are by male/female porn.
There's a reason for this: porn feels very different to many men when they see another male being "used" for pleasure in the way they like to see women used for pleasure.
I swear it works.
Just curious. Does anyone reading this have a "don't ask/don't tell" policy about porn in their house or relationship? My opinion on porn is that I know men watch it, but please don't have it in my face, and I won't go looking in that part of the closet or in your browser cache.
Anyone else think this is reasonable?
Are these quotes: ("Don't let her know about the balloon fetish!" "Tell her it's only your fantasy to sleep with a mute submissive!" "Try to get it up for her so she feels better enough about herself that she'll let you keep watching!") from the article or are they snark by the author. It's not very clear.
Not all people under 35 are okay with porn. (I'm 30). I don't care how many names you want to call me -- "frigid," "puritanical," "humorless," whatever. I have a problem with human sexuality being commodified. It is dehumanizing for everyone involved, including the consumer. Not for nothing do a lot of women (and a number of men, too, by the way) find porn degrading. The only mistake feminists have made is not pointing out sufficiently well how degrading porn is to men as well as to women. Sex is an important part of human existence, and a powerful force, for good or ill. Buying and selling human sexuality, through pornography or prostitution, does no good at all, but does a great deal of harm. The real failure of the Left is its failure to challenge the ubiquity of porn and porn-based images in our culture and to stand up for human dignity.
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Salon headlines in your mailbox
