I am a Catholic pro-choice grandmother and I say Bravo Anne Lamott. Although I have not had an abortion myself it was a possibility at one point in my life - what prevented it was the fact that I was not pregnant after all.

I love my church and am a loyal and active parishioner - I am also pro choice whether my church approves or not. I am joined in my beliefs by a couple of nuns with whom I have had conversations. We feel that every woman and every choice is very individual. Neither we nor the church authorities have to walk in that woman's shoes. No one knows if she was a victim of rape, incest, or just so very young she may still be a child herself and have no resources to raise a child. She may have parents who would oust her from the family if they knew.

I am very grateful to have never been faced with such a decision and I hope my grandaughter never is. If she is, I too am very grateful to live in a country where she has options and with the support of a loving family can make the best choice for HER based on her life and needs-not on a far away Church hierarchy. Certainly those women who have chosen to have had abortions should not be judged or condemned for their actions.

So, I say right on Anne Lamott - you expressed my feelings on this subject exactly. God in his infinite mercy forgives and asks us humans to do the same. Lets apply that forgiveness and compassion to those women who have been faced with such an awful decision. I doubt whether Jesus would approve of our judgement and condemnation of these women.

Thanks for bringing this to our attention. It was the perfect valentine!

"But why do people act like having consensual sex when they're not ready to have children is both inevitable and an inherent right? It's not. People who don't want to have kids shouldn't have sex. Problem solved.

-- gilda"

I'm going to spare all the arguments about equity and why should women have to deny themselves sex, and all.

My only question is, how can anyone say this "People who don't want to have kids shouldn't have sex"??? Gilda, have you never had good sex? It's completely incredible to me that someone who has had sex could conceivably suggest that people should only have sex for procreation. Sex is amazing -- how can anyone suggest it should be confined to only 1- maybe 9 times in your life, plus when you're already pregnant??

if her belief is accurate then it's relevant to the discussion, and her relationship to the women is not (except to the extent it might cause people to question the validity of her observations, although it all sounded right to me)

Way to rub their noses in it! With all of those broadening experiences under your belt, I'm surprised that you hadn't heard about social conventions. When someone asks how you're doing they want to hear that you're fine. To blather on and on about your semester abroad, the play you're working on etc. to someone that you KNOW has been denied those opportunities... Well, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and consider you insensitive. My first thought was that you're malicious.

by God, dear Ann, can't you spare us some of this very public self-analysis that borders on exhibitionism?

That's what turned me off to Ann Lamott. I'm pro-choice, and I believe that the decision to have an abortion is a private matter between a woman, her doctor, and her God. What I don't understand is "Abortion is nobody's business, so let me tell you about mine." If it's none of my business, don't tell me about it.

Lamott describes "shocked silence" when she announces that she has had an abortion. If a total stranger told me she'd had an abortion, I'd clam up, too.

...and I have not had one myself. However, I know five women who ruined their lives by not having them. We all went to high school together. Two of them got pregnant while we were still in high school. One of these married the father, whom everyone knew was a complete loser--she was 16. The others got pregnant the year after we finished. Two of these women dropped out of college. One of these announced her intention to hit up the father (also 19) for child support--he was a fling she had met at a summer job. She had told him she would have an abortion if she got pregnant, and was on the pill--I always felt sorry for that guy, even though I never met him. The other one was working, and married the father--whom everyone knew was a complete loser, and who already had a child from when he was in high school.

I ran into each of these women later, while I was still in college. Each had her baby with her. They asked me how I was doing, and I told them about my semester abroad, the play I was working on, etc. They all said the same thing, "Oh, that sounds nice--I would have enjoyed that, but he/she (looking at the baby) was worth it!" At least that's what their mouths said. Their eyes also all said the same thing--"I'm tired, I hate my life, I wish I hadn't had this baby, I wish I was living your life. I could have, you know." And yes, they could have. They weren't stupid. We were all in the same honors classes. But someone, somewhere, along the way had convinced them that abortion was "wrong." Apparently punishing themselves and their kids for the rest of their lives was OK.

...there is no reason to assume abortion would be a sacrament, as human history is full of male culture inflicting extremely painful or dangerous trials on men in order to prove their masculinity.

If men could get pregnant it is just as likely that pregnancy would be considered a noble and holy calling, that poets would glorify it and the pain and blood involved would be considered a sign of toughness, and that abortion would be considered cowardice. And that men who died in childbirth would get their names carved on walls as "heroes".

Male culture has been about getting men to get themselves killed for fairly stupid reasons for thousands of years. I see no reason why male pregnancy would necessarily alter that.