At Christmas, I had to whittle my list for Santa down to 3 things. Only 3. I might ask for 20, but I'd better prioritize. Now, admittedly, the years I asked for a horse, saddle and bridle as my top 3 or said "I'm narrowing it down to one this year: a car", it didn't work out so well. I do remember my best friend getting MUCH more than me, but it didn't seem to be a really big deal.

What I remember most about birthdays is that Mom would attempt to make any kind of cake/dessert I wanted. I remember the year I had a cat cake very fondly. I'd just found out (the hard way) that I'm VERY allergic to cats. I guess I wanted a cat for a cake since I couldn't have one for a pet. No fancy pans, just a round and a rectangle and a lot of creative cutting and frosting. Then one year, I wanted the ice cream we'd had in a nice restaurant, a lemon ice cream. I don't remember the restaurant's version now, but I do remember Mom's.

I feel a little "old" being so nostalgic, but I'm 34. I don't feel that I had a deprived childhood in the least. I do tend to question whether or not I "need" one more piece of plastic that may one day clog a landfill and I just don't think that's a bad thing.

A friend of mine had a child who wanted a big birthday party (e.g. her whole class), not really for the presents, just because she wanted all her friends to come. Instead of having children bring gifts, the invitation asked that in lieu of gifts kids brought school supplies, then at the party "goody bags" of school supplies were assembled and later delivered to a school that had a large number of less monetarily fortunate children. If a family insisted on a gift, it was to be something the child invited had made for the birthday girl.

This worked out extremely, extremely well.

Let all of the kids give presents. After the party is over, let your son pick the five or six that he thinks he will most enjoy and then give the rest to a charity that collects toys for needy kids. Singling out some kids to give presents and not others will just cause an unpleasant social stratification.

Twenty five new toys is a surefire route to misery for virtually any child. After Christmas/Chanukka/Three Kings, we get rid of all of the toys that we know aren't going to work out and put away about half until later in the year. And we declare a moratorium on all buying of books and toys for several months. It gives people such joy to give a gift to a child, that I don't ever tell the person who gave the toy that it didn't work out.

Though our daughter is only two, we have incorporated a political and educational component to her birthday parties. The first year we held a quiz for the adults (along with silly prizes) on reproductive rights because our daughter was the result of choice (we weren't going to have kids and decided to have her; it wasn't forced on us when I accidentally became pregnant). We also asked people to make a contribution to an organization that supports choice or to political candidates that do rather than bring presents. She still was spoiled but less so than she would have been. This past birthday we dedicated to Hurricane Katrina relief. I don't know what we'll do next year. Eventually, the plan is to help her decide a cause and a game for the party. That way, people still want to bring a gift but it is less than they otherwise would have because they are making a contribution elsewhere and someone else benefits from a kid who already has more than most people. Our daughter will hopefully learn the gift of giving as a birthday tradition, not just receiving.

As a mother to a three year old, I am acquainted with several forums for parenting issues. I'm also familiar with the heated, sometimes judgmental, debates that ensue when parenting questions are raised.

Do we have to do that here? I like Broadsheet because it presents women's issues in the realms of politics, consumerism, culture and society. It's hard to find that--but all too simple to find parenting blogs.

The questions raised are good ones. But maybe there is a space somewhere else for that. Somewhere that isn't a women's issues space but a parent (male and female) space.

We also hate to deprive our kids, but if we're not vigilant we'll be engulfed in a tide of plastic toys!

Birthday presents aren't a huge problem. My sons prefer small parties with their close friends, which is manageable. We also stash away toys that they're not currently playing with and pass on any toys that they don't want to others. They also periodically purge their toys and games and give the ones that they've outgrown to either their small cousins, my parents (who like to keep a stash of kid toys/games in their house for when the grandkids visit), or a thrift store. The boys especially like to give their toys to my sister's daughters, who love to play with "big boy" things from their older cousins.

For their birthdays, my husband and I try to give them one significant present, such as a bike or some other long-desired item. If they want a big-ticket gift, we have them contribute some money towards it. My parents did this when we were children and I felt more ownership and appreciation of gifts because of it.

But still the stuff accumulates. My husband and I have definite pack rat tendencies, which our kids have inherited. We all hate to get rid of things because you never know when you'll need them!

Another problem is our relatives. They've showered the kids with presents and get upset when we ask them to please cut back. Suggesting that they buy smaller things like Brio train pieces or Legos has helped.

Making up gift bags for kids in shelters or poor schools sounds like a great idea and I will propose this for the next round of birthday parties.