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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Half of men don't want women with a sense of humor? Well, if that's true then I suppose half of all men also don't want to get married. Beleive me, when you have two children under the age of five, both with the chicken pox, a broken washing machine and a major deadline at work, no sense of humor spells d-i-v-o-r-c-e.
I realize anecdotal evidence is worthless when talking about sociological studies. Maybe the reason so few of these broadsheet articles about romantic interactions between men and women apply to people I know is because my friends and I are a unique bunch. But this one, in particular, is the exact opposite of what I have observed. My fiancee, who I've been with for four years, earns half of what I do. He is a high school educated blue collar guy while I am a white collar professional earning twice his income. Whenever we talk about our mutual attraction he says my sense of humor is what he loves best about me. Sometimes, when I say something he finds funny he will give me a spontaneous hug and says how much he loves it that I make him laugh. And I love that I make more money than him because I'm able to make his life easier.
The more I read these broadsheet articles about men and women, the more I wonder if we actually qualify as men and women. And the same things goes for many couples in my circle of friends. Are we really that different than the average Americans in the 30s and 40s?
What the writeup doesn't mention is that Syal's next line is: "Many men don't really want to be the recipient of a cutting remark in public that will make them look small or stupid."
Well, bugger, who would? If that's what "funny" means, I don't want a funny man, either (and I'm married to a comedian!).
There's a difference between being the recipient of a joke and being the butt of one. I've been an inveterate joke-maker all my life, and a stand-up comic for part of it, and my personal life has never suffered. (Well, not from that, anyway.)
My beloved and I met through eHarmony. For the one quality he valued most in a mate, he chose a sense of humor. The quality I listed as most valuable was kindness. He got a funny woman with a pretty big kind streak; I got the nicest man alive with a great sense of humor. To read the studies quoted in Broadsheet and the (pretty disturbing) comments posted to these articles, you'd think he and I weren't of our own genders, or weren't human or something. Imagine! A man looking for something other than a hot body or a conduit for children, and a woman looking for something besides prestigious accomplishments or a big wallet!
I don't have anything to add to the debate except my own profound relief over finding someone who's as far outside the apparent norm as I am, and to suggest that women who are smart and funny not settle for guys who are so easily threatened. Yeah, you might wind up alone, but isn't that so much better than winding up with an insecure dumbass?
Is that most are done at universities with the population at hand, i.e. 18-22 year olds. While many of them are insightful, others just reflect the maturity of the population.
Sorry, wrong answer. I can't see my wonderful marriage lasting more than five seconds if I were to deny who I am, or if my husband denied who he is. We end up in helpless giggles all the time thanks to our complementing senses of humor. Color me glad I didn't try to hide my snarkiness in hopes that some insecure male would find me acceptable.
It rings true that funny women might not be very sexy to men -- of course it's a statement begging to be parsed and reconsidered, but still, the scent of validity is powerful enough to give pause. But "we all know men are intimidated by smart women"? Please. What atavistic need does this useless notion satisfy? I keep thinking/hoping the canard has been put to rest, but no. Here is Broadsheet positing it as a premise, a statement of fact. My brain, flawed and unreliable as it sometimes may be, has always been my greatest asset. Over the years other assets may have snagged men on the line, but it's the brain that reeled them in (or not, as the case may be).
That was the last requirement that my 8-year old son had for a kind of girl that he likes. The first three were (in that order) - smart, funny and pretty (or at least not ugly, when I probed about the pretty part).
I'm just waiting for the study that proves once and for all that interests of any type outside of makeup and shopping are a turn-off for most men.
Half of all men don't want a wife with a sense of humor.
Half of all marriages end in divorce.
Want to bet these groups overlap?
"By the time you get to age 40 your emotional baggage better have wheels 'cause I'm sure as shit not gonna carry it."
That kind of humor?
The first two things I look for in a woman are intelligence and a sense of humor. If those aren't there, it doesn't have a chance of working.
Only to men who aren't worth dating. Humor is part of what makes someone easy to deal with and fun to be with, which may be why it was credited for helping with short-term relationships. Evidently men in their 20s are still suffering from the madonna-whore complex (see Harry Stack Sullivan), where the woman you marry can't be the same as the one you have fun with. My wife is hilarious, and it's one of the things I value most about her.
The biggest problem with this study is that I see no distinctions made among different types of humor, which produce very different responses: self-deprecating humor, general jokes, cynical humor, or insult humor! As noted by the British comedian in the article, no one likes being cut down in public. Well, why should you appreciate being humiliated in public? If that's their criteria for "witty," then count me out as well.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
219 Democrats and one Republican join in favor of the legislation, which passed by a narrow margin
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Salon headlines in your mailbox
