There was a reason for using the fathers name in the past, namely that the mother of a child normally is known with more certainty than the father, and using the fathers name helped keep track of things (although even so not everyone did it this way).

I had to laugh when I read the letter from the woman who changed her last name from something unusual to something really common and then discovered that she is now getting confused with a lot of other people.

My last name is REALLY common. In fact there is another woman named Jessica Lastname who goes to my doctor's office and HAS THE SAME BIRTHDAY as me, although in a different year. They are constantly getting our charts mixed up. I have to stress my birth year every time I call the doctor so they know who they're talking to. It almost makes me want to change doctors.

One day I was shopping and gave the cashier my credit card. The cashier said "Your name is Jessica Lastname? My girlfriend's name is Jessica Lastname!" Then the woman behind me in line declared "My best friend's name is Jessica Lastname!" They were delighted. I was annoyed.

I have many, many other stories like these and am totally looking forward to changing my last name when I get married.

I guess this letter has no point other than saying that there really is no good solution to the name game. Do what you want!

I think that there are many issues of identity wrapped up in this question, and no one should be attacked for making the choice that's right for them.

I personally didn't want to go the hyphen route for my children. So when when my wife and I got married, we both chose a shared new last name. I was "FIRST OLDLAST NEWNAME" and she was "FIRST OLDLAST NEWNAME". Our daughter, born two years later, is FIRST MIDDLE NEWNAME.

We all have a shared last name that is independent from our two families. We both kept our former names as our middle, non-hyphenated name--a way to hold on to our connection to our respective families. We chose a name that reflected a value we shared, in another language. Our families thought it was a little strange, but are completely fine with it (even the conservative, traditionalists). It's worked great, and my only regret is having chosen a new name that no one can spell.

In some situtations you can have the benefits of using your real name and still remain effectively anonymous at the same time. Try googing John Smith

Writer of the original Forward article here -- thanks for all the responses! Funny how passionate people get about other people's choices, eh?

But I really just came here to say that I am MORTIFIED that I got the Frau Blucher reference wrong. I'm a huge Mel Brooks fan! I *knew* it was Young Frankenstein, not Blazing Saddles! Mortifying! Gah! I am hereby checking myself into the Institute for the Very Very Nervous. (Note: And yes, I know what movie THAT one comes from.) Thanks again, all.

happened to talk to marjorie ingall this weekend. she says: "i feel TERRIBLE about the blazing saddles/young frankenstein error! MORTIFYING! i am a HUGE mel brooks fan--HOW could i have screwed that up?? i have checked myself into the Institute for the Very, Very Nervous. (that would be a 'high anxiety' reference.")"

I've always been for the rights of women and equality, but some things don't add up. Can someone explain to me why it makes "feminist" sense for the wife to keep her "last name" or give it to her child? That name came from her father. OR, if she's second generation, that name came from her father's father. So keeping it doesn't strike a blow for anything other than for another man's name. So what if she used it in childhood? Does it make sense to still use it instead of using the name of the man with whom she fell in love and with whom she made a legal partnership?

Hypenating it does the same thing, and after a few generations the children with the hyphens will just either keep adding hyphens...or give up and just go sensible...And then they may go buy a "family tree" and fill it in with the names and photos of all the female and male names in the family! Or, if you really want to keep some of those family names alive there's always the middle name, or naming kid's first names after someone in the family worth remembering. But messing with the last name just doesn't shake.

How does keeping your old patriarch's name instead of a new patriarch's name do anything but make it a pain in the ass for your legal will, bank accounts, gas bill, and poor victimized children?

A real feminist would drop her old name altogether, then file for a name change and get a single name of her own chosing (which she would then pass on to her children...after using an unnamed sperm bank to make them. That way, the patriarch's name is forever unknown, natch). I might suggest "rainbow" or "lucky" to any woman out there who is considering this option.

A woman's name is her own name, just the same way a man's name is his own name, not his father's. If a woman chooses to change her name, then so be it, but it certainly shouldn't be mandated. It has always made more sense to me for children to have their mother's name, if for no other reason, we at least know that she is their actual mother. I wonder how many children are out there with names that suggest a patrilineal background that is a complete work of fiction?

If giving up the identity that you have known for all of your life is so easy, especially now that women have a professional name and reputation that requires preserving, I wonder why not very men avail themselves of this option? There is something to a name, whether people choose to acknowledge it or not. And nowadays, one shouldn't automatically assume that one sex should do all the changing.