When my husband and I got married seven years ago, we each kept our own name and agreed that any children would have hyphenated last names. Naturally our families were scandalized--especially my husband's brothers. (This is despite the fact that their father was emotionally and physically abusive and they loathe that side of the family, while being quite close to their mother and her relatives.) I got earfuls of objections, everything from "if you keep your name you aren't committed to the marriage" (Oh, so the huge majority of men who don't change their names upon marriage aren't really committed?) to "what on earth will your daughters do when they get married?" (Um, I don't know. Presumably they will be adults and can decide for themselves.) to "your kids will get beaten up on the playground for having two last names" (Please, now you're just desperate!).

When our daughter was born two years ago, we stuck to our guns and gave her a hyphenated last name. I think it just makes sense. She is a part of both of us, but is also her own person. We haven't had any trouble with insurance or other official paperwork. Sure, some computerized forms may cut off a part of her last name as she goes through life, but that's hardly significant. I have a long first name, so the last syllable was always cut off my SAT results, but I have thus far survived.

I can't believe people get so worked up on the subject of the last names of other people's kids. It's pathetic, really.

There have been a few posts on this thread saying that a woman who gives her child her last name is really only passing on her father's last name. So I was wondering, how does a woman get a last name? I mean, a baby boy is born with one, and nobody disputes that it's his own. Yet a disturbing number of people seem to see even a thirty-year-old woman as still only having her father's name.

It is quite awful to think of myself as only having a first name (that pesky middle name can, of course, always be discarded for my "father's name", if I take my husband's father's father's father's name as a surname).

Look, most people's last name came from a distant ancestor, quite possibly a woman (Baxter means female baker) or a couple who chose or were both given a surname at the same time. Just because most names are passed down through the paternal line does not mean that it has been or should always be thus, nor does it mean that a woman does not possess her own last name.

Oh, I should mention my family. My parents chose a new last name together and gave it to all their children. I've kept my last name, and my husband hyphenated his. Our children will have my name, as it's our family name now.

The conundrum of naming - specifically, about a change being confusing for others, reminds me of something I heard a pregnant woman say. She stated that one good reason for using the trad pink or blue for a girl or boy baby's clothing was that it was easier for others to tell what sex the baby was.

My first thought was - so the hell what? Who cares what is easier for some amorphous public? How much trouble is it to ask the sex of the baby, if it matters to you? Why should anyone be concerned about such a ridiculous thing, especially to the extent of perpetuating a silly, harmful tradition of officially separating the sexes at birth by 'marking' them with color coding?

Similarly, who cares about what is easier for the school secretary to remember? Is a little record-keepng convenience

at the doctor's office or nursery school more important than the name your child lives with?

Years ago I took my husband's last name and have always regretted it.

He died within a few years, and I kept his name because my Dad pressured me about how upsetting doing otherwise would be to my daughter's sense of identity...even though I was only going to change my name, not hers. (he himself was adopted at 11 and had his name changed - which he resented)

My maiden name is much nicer than my married one, and for a long time I used both - even though legally I am known by the husband's last name only.

To this day I feel that my legal last name is not who I am - even though I've had the married name much longer than the maiden one. My daughter is grown, and has given her kids the last name of her husband. (she got first name rights in the deal, and made up names that are very unique and attractive, to my delight)

I don't know if what I did was to her advantage, although I suppose that since things were less progressive then, it probably was.

Giving up my name was a huge mistake.

It's time to file court papers - better late than never.

I'm a twin, and I've been called by my last name as many times as I've been called by my first. So to give it up, would be like giving up my identity. I can't possibly imagine it. I've told my fiance. He knows there is no changing my mind, though I can tell it dissappoints him a little and he threw out a vague argument of family unity. I said that if it should be no big deal for me to change my name, the same should hold for him, so why wouldn't he consider changing his? So there will be no name changing in our household.

As far as our kids go, I've offered my fiance a compromise. He gets the last name for all the kids, but I get to pick the first and middle names. If he'd prefer, I get the last name, and he picks the first and middle names. As of now, he's choosing the last name.