This is my point: why can't it simply be a choice?

A choice between 2 different options, both with pros and cons, which will vary depending on each unique situation. The decision is made by the mother and doctor.

Why does it have to be infused with so much judgemental "good mother," "bad mother," "best choice," "worst choice" labeling? Why are breastfeeders so quick be claim superiority (while most bottle feeders don't give a darn what other mothers do)? What is this need to annouce your superiority over other mothers?

Sometimes I think the stay-at-home mothers had to pump it up to be some all important virtuous moral thing in their desparate need to validate what they do, and prove that their way of life is better.

And now a parenting choice is fodder in insecurities and some deeper war...

It's the singlemindedness of the pro-breasters that scares me, not which choice we make. They are so quick to call bottlers "bad" mothers. Do we really want to accuse each other like that? Can't any weathered mother admit that this was a pretty small choice in the bigger scheme of things? It isn't the big indicator of the quality of parenthood the Lactators suggest.

In the early 60s "modern" science thought the bottle was such a medical advancement. Wow, I turned out OK, no complexes, no physical problems, A & B student, scholarships, blah blah.

It didn't affect my life that much, sorry.

I would be the same person Had I been breast fed or bottle fed.

But I think she might find that in the long run, breastfeeding IS more convenient than bottle feeding. It's easier to get some decent sleep, for example, if you don't have to get up and fetch bottles all night long. Sterilizing bottles and nipples and carrying them around with you is a major pain, I'm told by my bottle-feeding sister, who wishes she didn't have a medical condition that makes breastfeeding impossible.

It's funny how this subject elicits such strong emotions.

Sincerely,

A Happy Lactator

Yes, breastfeeding is best for the baby's overall health. But that doesn't mean that bottlefeeding. The vast majority of bottlefed kids turn out to be perfectly healthy and happy without major lifelong problems. The reasons she gives for not breastfeeding maybe aren't selfless, but they aren't signs of a negligent mother.

If the kid was a toddler, and she admitted that feeding him organic, cooked-from-scratch meals were the best thing for his health, but that really, she didn't have the time or inclination to do so and therefore let him eat TV dinners, would people call her a bad mother?

It's not like she's giving him Coca-Cola in his bottle--it's nutritionally-balanced baby formula! The same stuff we give to babies whose mothers can't nurse, or who are orphans, or triplets! It isn't going to hurt him!

cosmicmojo claims, "[M]ost bottle feeders don't give a darn what other mothers do."

Try breastfeeding in public sometime and see if you still believe that. I have had people smoke cigarettes in my face while giving me a dirty look because I am nursing my baby. It doesn't matter if you're showing skin: it's the principle of public nursing that people don't like.

Misogyny, eh? My, my. Isn't it interesting how words like "misogyny", "racism", "homophobia" are so easy to fling around whenever somebody doesn't agree with you? I've heard the term "misogyny" used by both breast-feeders and bottle-feeders; each of them lobs the term at the other side to show how "against women" they are. Which I find very amusing, since both groups are comprised primarily of women.

Let's be clear here. No matter which way you go on this debate, your reasons are going to be selfish. Whether you decide to breast-feed "for your baby's health" or bottle-feed because "I just can't be bothered", you're doing it for your own sense of comfort and being right, to serve your own beliefs and/or convenience. Nobody can possibily ask the baby what he/she wants in the matter, so let's not kid ourselves over motives.

This shouldn't be a culture war, but. . .

I've never met a breastfeeder who was sorry that she didn't bottle-feed. I've met plenty of bottle-feeders who regretted not breastfeeding, or regretted stopping as early as they did. Bottle-feeding mothers who use the same day-care center I do tell me every day how they wish they could be breastfeeding their babies. Others may have different experiences, I realize.

One big problem, as I see it, is that breastfeeding can be so difficult in the beginning that many women, if they lack adequate support from nurses or lactation consultants, just give up. That's happened to many women I know. We simply need more lactation consultants, like those wonderful women who helped me out.

I'm not saying formula and bottles are evil or anything. God knows -- I had to supplement with formula briefly with my firstborn, due to some medical complications after a difficult delivery. And like others, I keep formula on hand just in case I need it in an emergency.

But I have found, as others have, that breastfeeding is actually more convenient and leads to greater, not less mobility -- important for new mothers who have to sometimes cope with isolation. I have a very outdoorsy lifestyle, and having to bring along bottles of formula, properly mixed and sterilized, would be a real impedement to that. Breastfeeding does not depend on a supply of clean, plentiful drinking water (an important issue in post-hurricane New Orleans). Breastfeeding calms and comforts a colicky baby while bottle feeding can exacerbate the colic. Breastfeeding is also better for the environment. (Yes, I'm a tree-hugging liberal.)

There's no single formula -- pun intended -- for motherhood. Instead of pointing fingers, we should be looking for practical solutions to problems. I do find Cosmicmojo's comments a bit unhelpful in this regard. She seems to be bent on trashing "Lactators" (I am one) and stay-at-home mothers (I am not one) rather than offering any solutions.

Any woman who knows that she doesn't want to breastfeed shouldn't, period. I wouldn't see any point with trying to argue with anyone who felt that way. And it's certainly not a sign of fitness for motherhood.

However, what I think some women miss is that there are a lot of new mothers who aren't sure, or who have been given misleading information. For these women, the advice to "try breastfeeding" and get some good help (lactation consultants) is spot-on. If you try breastfeeding and change your mind--as many women do--you can always shift to the bottle. It doesn't work the other way around. So I would always advise women who are unsure to give it a try.

If you aren't unsure, however, there's no point. Go with what works, be a good mom, love your baby and cuddle him a lot.