Letters to the Editor
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Bringing up Baby
After reading all 33 pages on this subject, I find one obvious point has barely been touched on: you cannot expect your children to behave in public places if they don't know what proper behavior is. You need to be teaching them *at home*. Let kids leave the table 10 times, throw food at each other, cry out that they don't like the food, etc, at home, and there's no way you can suddenly enforce any kind of rule when you're eating out.
There should be no need for kid-free areas if parents used their heads, and everyone would be happier. Including the kids, who do respond well to knowing what's expected of them. Bratty kids are not happy kids.
That said, Annie needs to chill. Restrooms will smell like crap from time to time, from diapers or other sources. Or does she think everyone should shit only at home?
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There's nothing wrong with standards
Cafe/restaurant/store owners have a right to demand certain standards of behavior from all their customers, no matter their age. The fact is, many parents have a sense of entitlement when it comes to their children and let them behave abominably. And I say this as a mother of two who were toddlers not that long ago. Parents don't want to take responsibility for their children's behavior because it's hard, it's no fun, and it takes a lot of time that you could be having enjoying a cup of coffee and the paper at your local cafe. But the fact is, standars of behavior are taught and a lot of parents aren't teaching them. Sure, they'll be sorry one day when they have a nasty 14-year old, but in the meantime the rest of us are sorry now. Good for these cafe owners for not exposing the rest of their customers to it. I'd go out of my way to eat there!
If parents want to bring their children everywhere they go, then teach them to behave in those places. That doesn't mean a kid can never raise his voice or cry unexpectedly, but it does mean he can't run around, lie on the floor, throw food and scream, all of which seems acceptable to too many parents. As adults we all know that we have to meet certain standards of behavior when we go out in public; so do our kids.
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alowing your child to be a twerp is not a good thing
Someone once said that you should treat your children as if they were alien guests who had come to stay on your planet and needed to be taught the local customs to survive. I think it was John Holt. It is possible to teach your child how to behave in public without resorting to cruelty. It is more cruel to the child to allow her to be a horrid little brat in public. My daughter is 24, and although she had her share of horrid moments at home, she learned early and well how to comport herself in public. When she was not appropriate we went home---immediately.
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Dan McCauley saves America
Well, before we take Mr. McCauley (that's his name, right?) too seriously, we should look at how the NY Times article ended. It ended with a quote by Mr. McCauley, in which he compared what he's doing to Hurricane Katrina and the war in Iraq, as in "I can't change the war; I can't change Katrina, but I can change this little part of the world." And he doesn't care if he goes out of business to do it. What a MAN! Yes, kicking kids out of coffeehouses is JUST LIKE standing up against the war in Iraq, or volunteering to go build houses in Louisiana. Just like. What an ass.
That aside, I think that it is just plain silly to assume that the poor grown-ups in these places can't slap on the headphones and keep on writing their great American novels. They have the option, you know, of GOING HOME. Whereas for most mothers, getting OUT of the damn house before one goes completely mad is the point of going to coffeehouses. Which sell giant, iced cookies at toddler-eye level, but don't want kids. Right.
It's a public space, for whoever can afford to buy the crap they sell. I know America has no idea what 'public space' means anymore. So they should look it up. As for Andersonville, my old stompin' grounds--fight the good fight against the adult yuppification of America! Screaming infants of the world, unite!
Now, back to Real News.
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Not all kids are disruptive
Sure, I can understand why people get annoyed with rowdy children in their vicinity. But what's with the withering looks and snide remarks directed at parents of sleeping babies and/or polite kids? I've had strangers say things to me like, "Get that thing away from me!" and complain loudly about being near "that brat" when I was doing nothing more than carrying my sleeping baby in her infant seat. I don't care how much you don't like children, that's just not right. I really don't want to bother anybody, but jeez, do mothers and children comprise an untouchable caste?
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Kids are people too....
I have three girls, twins ages 5 and an older girl who is 11. Are they always perfect little ladies in public - of course not. But at the same time they know I would never let them run around a coffee shop, hide under tables and do other hideous things, or the punishment would be swift and severe. Not through hitting, but through shame. I find that shame and guilt are the best way to control my children, and it works. I also find that once I have to do it for something, it rarely happens again. Sometimes all the self-esteem we give our kids needs to be tempered with a little reality. That's why I'm never afraid to take them anywhere that adults are, because I know that they will behave because they don't want to let me down. These are three of the most happy and well-adjusted kids I know, and they enjoy life. Use a little guilt and shame, and see if that helps, I think kids will be better off for it.