- Top Features:
- War Room
- Glenn Greenwald
- Broadsheet
- Joan Walsh
- Camille Paglia
- Since You Asked
- Follow Salon:
Letters posted here are associated with the following article:
The letters thread is now closed.
Virginia,
I appreciated your attempts to overcome the urge to link consensual BDSM (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism) with abuse. However, I don't think you got the correct impression of everyone who chooses to follow these practices.
I am a mid-20s Dominant, who for the most part, practice the D/s aspects of the "BDSM" world. When I first began in this lifestyle, I had a lot of trouble overcoming my own biases -- I am not a rapist or an abuser, and I never want to appear as such to others. However, I quickly learned, through developing relationships with friends and mentors in the community, as well as developing the relationship my fiancee (submissive female), I learned that for my girl, in my relationship, not only does she consent to my dominance of her, she requires it.
Our relationship is built, first and foremost, on love and respect. I would never do anything to or for my girl that was not in her best interest, or that she did not want/consent to.
Most relationships have a struggle for power. One person jockeying with the other, spending time worrying about who's right and who's wrong rather than spending that time learning and appreciating their partner. In my relationship, those struggles don't exist. I love her, and I respect her opinion, but when an argument comes up, it doesn't become a struggle, and by having that distinction, we both win.
There are people who use the lifestyle, and the banner of BDSM to abuse, overpower, and push others around. Truth be known, that's not what it's about to the majority of us.
Sincerely,
Jay
Council Member
Triangle Next Generation of N.C.
