There is one thing about the Drama Kings article that I find valid- that the fact that men no longer hold most of the cards in the marriage and relationship game probably affects how some men behave seems to be an interesting idea.

However, I really don't think there is a gender war going on. People love to rail against fictional "types"- the modern woman, the modern man, but many of us manage to surround ourselves with people we love and respect. At least, reasonable people do.

I always have the same reaction to men OR women who are over the age of 16 or so and STILL cling to the belief that "men only want this" or "women only want that". I roll my eyes and pity them. For a grown man or woman to blame a gender (or PMS) for marital problems or for trouble finding a mate is silly and pointless. This rigid bitterness about the opposite sex is probably the very root of the problem in the first place. Here's a truism: if you are lonely and unlucky in love, the reason why is in yourself. The rest of us manage fine to marry our best friends without submitting to control or abuse by a high-maintanence partner.

After reading this, I just entered into a pact with my husband that if either of us is widowed, we will not remarry until our daughter is 18.

I don't get remarrying when you have kids. I don't get marrying someone with kids and then not keeping your mouth shut forever about how you resent them. What an awful thing to burden your spouse with. She's allowed her resentment and she's allowed to ask for help, but not that. The fact that she is a mother and is still able to resent her child's sibs and her husband's kids is indeed something to be very ashamed of. This is something I won't feel for being judgmental about.

That men should have the power to force a woman to have an abortion/ and or sign away all responsibility to the children they create? Farhad- look at what kind of a situation you are describing!

Farhad, if it rankles that biology is unfair, welcome to the world of women. I learned about unfair when I was 11 or so and my dad started telling me I was vulnerable to rapists. Having to control your own reproduction sooner than women do and then having to support whatever children result- wait, how can anyone possibly think this is unfair? Deal with it, and for God's sake, be a man.

People tend to reduce women's clothes to "sexy" or "not" but really what's going on here is the subtle ways professional hierarchy is expressed, and this is true of men AND women. People at the top of the hierarchy tend to dress more formally, and sex really is secondary to this, since "Sexy" is totally subjective anyway.

...on his homepage. John Derbyshire's salad days are waaaaayyyy over and he should be grateful to gaze upon Jennifer Anniston in his dreams.

...for all of the stated reasons. Also, the man seems less than committed and pining after him is undignified and a poor example for the kids. You won't like them impulsively moving in with someone with fantasies of true love forever when they are up and out in a few years. Be a grownup.

Some of the responders defending the LW for her harsh feelings are stepparents themselves helpfully telling us how bratty and unfriendly their own stepchildren have been. As if the fact that a teenager or even a younger child is bratty and unkind to a parent's new spouse will make us sympathize. Anyone with an ounce of perspective, anyone who remembers what it was like to be a kid can honestly say: what the hell do you expect?? Kids can be bratty. Kids of divorce can be angry. Kids can hate you when it's not really your fault. Duh. Why would a stepparent expect a child to have the wisdom, the restraint and the empathy to be kind to the new grownup in their lives who has bargedinto their home? They are kids! I simply can't not give any consideration to a grown woman who complains about a 16 year old stepdaughter acting bratty and cold, as one letterwriter did. Don't you remember being 16? This is not difficult to understand. The responsibility is yours to be patient and understanding about the sucky turn the poor teenager's life has taken.

It may be the hardest job, well anyway the most important, but the pay stinks.

As the creator of the magazine 180 knows very well, a woman with schoolage children needs someway to spend her time, and some more cash would be handy, too. The days of having a dozen kids, making candles and sewing clothes are over, so there is no reason any woman has to really "opt out" for more than a few years, and with a little flexibility from her husband, both can make some dough and have a good family life even when the babies are small. People do it all the time, and it protects the interests of all the members of the family- mom and dad have jobs, and kids get to know BOTH parents. I did it. If I really thought my choices were never see my baby awake or become my slobby husband's servant I'd have killed myself. But it was never like that- my husband and I were poor for a little while until I found a flexible job and now we both are self employed and life is great.

And as a daughter I can say that I wish like hell my mother had spent the last few decades of her life working, because I think she would be a happier woman now.

If we start outing all the powerful men whose girlfriends have had abortions, conservatives better brace themselves for some very public embarrassment.