I was a little confused at first. It's not unusual for a baby to not walk at a year, and there is so much variation in development at this age that it makes no sense to say that a baby at a year is disabled because she's at a 10-month-old level. I assume there is more evidence for the disability. Autism can definitely be diagnosed by the age of two.

I know this will infuriate many readers but there is no scientific evidence for metal, vaccinations and the like in terms of curing autism. Many treatments based on these have been tried, and some people have seen improvement. However, a parent who is devoting that much time and energy to their child is probably going to see improvement even if they gave the kid ice water. Also, comparing areas that began vaccination at certain time points with those that did not showed no real difference in diagnosis rates. So don't beat yourself up over what might have caused it. No one knows what causes autism in most cases. Many of my students have written papers with the original goal of showing that vaccinations cause autism but are disabused by the real science on the subject.

At two years old, there is no telling what the niece can do. The degree of therapy that the LW mentions suggests that everyone is doing all they can do. Early intervention can make a big difference in the life of a child with a serious disability. Other than provide therapy, the best thing you can do is accept that this is how it is.

My most immediate thought was that there is grief and shock after this type of diagnosis but those will subside. Then the family will learn to love and enjoy the child as she is, without constantly comparing her to what she should be. That day will come and it will bring peace. I have a son with Down Syndrome so I know about the shock and the acceptance. I love him the way he is.

The best thing the LW and family can do is to accept the situation and love the child for what she is. She may never be a lawyer, but don't we have enough lawyers?

Setting aside all the plentiful other issues: when a person commits suicide, they do not improve the lives of those left behind. By killing yourself, you leave other people wondering for years "Was it something I did?", "Was it something I didn't do?"; they run endless scenarios through their minds trying to find the moment they could have stepped in and didn't; they are left with an awful anniversary and oh yes, they are furious with the person who left them this way. If the LW goes ahead with this plan, the man left behind is consigned to this fate, all for money that he will probably never quite be able to enjoy.

Amazingly, a few hours prior to reading this piece, a student was interviewing me for a class about bullying. We got into a discussion of verbal bullying and jockeying for status among girls in middle school...then we agreed that it still went on in high school...and college...and then she said "Does it still go on in the workplace?" Looks like the answer is yes, even in high-profile workplaces (maybe especially in high-profile workplaces). Pretty depressing!

Assuming fashionista is right (and why wouldn't she be, it makes sense to me)and "chicken cutlets" are actually cleavage-enhancing bra pads, it's pretty disingenuous for Ms. Balbirer to use that as an example of "shit" she was uncomfortable with. Is it honestly that big a deal to pump up the cleavage a little? Sure hope my school doesn't fire me for my attire at the Christmas party two years ago.

Having been way too close to this sort of situation, it is my bet that the boyfriend forced this ultimatum as a way of cutting his girlfriend off from a main source of support. He probably told the girlfriend that "I'm not going to marry you with that bitch friend of yours as a maid of honor unless you can get her to change her tune". Abusive men (and he sounds emotionally and possibly in the future physically abusive) thrive on the power they get from cutting the woman off from the rest of the world, so as to impose control more effectively. With this ultimatum, he wins either way: either the friend has to back off resisting the marriage or she's out of the picture as a friend and not a threat to him.

Two thoughts/suggestions:

Tell the guy: "That's how it is. You'll have to figure out a way to deal with it, or move on, but there's nothing to discuss". If he resists this ultimatum, you'll know that he probably is the control freak that the other writers have described. If he wants you to be tested, fine, but other than that it's none of his business.

When a man (or woman) asks that question, smile sweetly, and say "Since (day you started dating), only one".