It has been my experience that men say what they mean and mean what they say.

The man is an adult. The man has been sober not a couple of weeks, but several years. The man says it doesn't bother him and seems to mean it. What is there to discuss? To treat him as though he doesn't know his own mind is pretty condescending. The LW would be best off making an agreement (which she may have already) that if he's disturbed by her drinking or smoking, that he will tell her and she won't do it around him. Don't treat the man like a child who doesn't know what he wants.

And for heaven's sake, an occasional drink or toke is not substance abuse and does not mean the LW is a degenerate. I'd say she falls well within the realm of normal.

For what it's worth, my guess is that the LW was somewhat predisposed to OCD (there are some clear risk factors) and the experience at 9 was upsetting enough to set it off. If that's the case, it was a matter of time...if this hadn't happened, someting else later would have. While most people would be somewhat traumatized by her experience, I think most of them by adulthood would be entertaining friends with stories about it (much as I entertain friends with my mom's reaction when I told her I wanted a sex-change surgery when I was 12. I just wanted to be able to pee standing up and not be pressured to wear dresses constantly!!!) The "gay incident" is probably more of a catalyst than a true cause.

Focus on treatment, as has already been suggested. You don't have to understand what caused it. Who knows what causes any mental illness, really?

To LW: when you are 70 years old, will you regret sticking it out more or will you regret breaking loose more?

If your daughter was in this position, would you want her to stay with the mindless safe option or take the unknown, slightly scary option?

What's the worst that can happen? Probably nothing worse than what you've described...so you have nowhere to go but up. A lot of women want to try something new in their 40's and your husband has given you his blessing. I say go for it: go back to school, do some volunteer work, find out what makes think and ask questions and have conversations about with your husband and friends. Life is too short for unnecessary tedium.

In psychology we have a saying "Paralysis through analysis". I think this is a cousin to an earlier posting mentioning the better being the enemy of the good enough (or something like that).

In other words, it is good to think about options but there is a point where you think so much you don't DO anything, which is basically making a choice by default.

When re-reading the letter, it occured to me that the LW should rule out depression. Some aspects of her letter do sound like depression, which should be addressed. Not that a dead-end job couldn't cause depression, but if you're depressed all jobs look like dead-end jobs.

I still think she should go for it.

There seem to be two issues here:

Should colleges explore this area?

Why not? Porn is a huge and often underground economy, which makes it worth studying. And there are frequent claims of "porn addiction" which may or may not be substantiated. Addiction patterns are certainly worthy of study.

Should students have to look at naked people to study porn?

If the class is not required, the professor feels that viewing material is essential to the class and it is clearly in the syllabus, I see no grounds for protest.

I can tell you that there are few things that will strip sexual issues of purient interest than a Human Sexuality class. I doubt Porn 101 would be very different.

News flash: "Author Falls Prey to Common Myths About Parenting"

Myth: you should have children when you're ready

Truth: you will never really be ready

Myth: you should have children when you know what you are getting into

Truth: you will never know until you have them. give up the search for forewarning.

Myth: children are expensive, messy and troublesome

Truth: OK, that's not just a myth. But it is easy to articulate and be understood about what PROBLEMS children present. It is hard to articulate and is very easy to sound hopelessly mushy and inane about the wonders and the benefits of children...but they are very real.

So I would tell Mr Smith, etc: Jump in the water or don't, but don't spend the rest of your life contemplating what the jump might feel like, because you will never know without jumping.

In response to LeCastor: It is just not possible to put into words what the rewards are of having children. It has to do with a fierce and unconditional love and a feeling of family and things like that. I will try to illuminate by telling a story:

A few months ago, my 7-year-old daughter and I were finishing paying for some groceries when a man walked up to his girlfriend, who worked there, and shot her in the head. Fearing that he might start shooting randomly (he didn't, thank God), I grabbed my daughter and ran to the closest hiding place, which was the produce store area, behind those ubiquitous swinging doors. Without stopping to think, I put her in a corner so that I could throw myself over her if the gunman entered.

Sounds dramatic but it's true. If you want to have that kind of feeling, that kind of love, toward another person, then parenthood is for you.