When I read the headline, I thought that the exes must have hurt, cheated or betrayed the fiancee' (sorry, my browser won't do the accent inflection properly) and the LW was full of righteous fury on her behalf. Silly me!

It is reasonable (and a good skill for marriage!) for the LW and fiancee' to compromise: she doesn't force him to socialize with her exes and he doesn't carry on about her maintaining a friendship with them. However, I get the impression that the LW is not interested in compromise. He wants the situation on his terms only. "Don't I have a right to a wife who cuts everything off with her exes?" No, you don't have that right. You can ask for it but it's not your right and you cannot demand it.

If you can't come to a compromise with her that you can both live with, don't marry her. And if you can't come to compromises with anyone, do the rest of the world a favor and stay single.

You've consistently derided the questions that are posed to Cary Tennis by the various letter writers. May I ask what you deem a suitable or worthy subject for a letter? And why do you continue to read something that obviously annoys you?

Honestly people, it's not like we're discussing shaving pubic hair or something important like that.

The part of the letter that I and others (and the LW) honed in on was the implication that the boyfriend ORDERED the woman not to wear club clothes on public transportation. Telling someone what she can or cannot do is the red flag here. Making suggestions about clothing, pointing out potential dangers and expressing concern as one adult to another is FINE. If the boyfriend in fact offered no alternative plan such as taking a cab each way, that makes me think he simply didn't want her to go.

Maybe the LW will post with clarification as to whether this was a specific case of the BF forbidding his girlfriend to do something, or simply his suggestion?

I bet a lot of adults, including those who would object to the wine, as children played with their little friends while the mothers chain-smoked in the same room.

"Yeah, I told my husband that his shirt and tie didn't match the other day when we were going out to the company party because I'm a controlling bitch!"

Uh, no. A controlling bitch tells him to change RIGHT NOW into the clothes she picked out for him or they aren't going to the party. You on the other hand are doing your husband a favor.

that should be separated: Is the concern that she will get ogled and whistles (annoying) or actually be assaulted (dangerous)?

Wearing club clothes on a bus might well produce comments, stares...but are they dangerous? The LW was specifically concerned about danger. These kinds of attentions are more annoying and distracting than dangerous (although I can imagine one actively avoiding them). If this is the BF's concern, I think he's definitely controlling.

Or is the concern that she could be sexually assaulted? Many have voiced concern that she may be seen as "asking for it" and thus puts herself at risk. But is that really a risk factor for stranger rape? From what I've read and been told, a rapist doesn't look for the hot sexy woman. He looks for a woman whose appearance and body language suggests that she's not going to fight back or otherwise thwart his plan, or a woman who is careless about safety (leaves a door unlocked, walks in unlit remote areas alone). A full-length coat might not help her in this case, unless she can fake others into thinking she might have a gun under it.

It's not clear to me what the BF fears, but either way his concern could be resolved in an non-controlling manner by simply springing for cab fare each way.

Dems have the House, the Senate and the majority of governerships. I've waited a long time to feel this smug. And I like it. But I'm not sure how long it will last.

OK, CT, that was a little too stream-of-consciousness for me. I am certain that you are not wandering around the buses looking for easy targets.

Getting real for a minute...how dangerous an area are we talking about? Are these ladies going out in downtown St. Louis? Two women whom I am certain have cell phones taking a bus at 9 pm and coming home in a cab...that doesn't sound so dangerous to me. If the clothing were such that a quick getaway or defense were prevented (say, if the women were wearing very high stiletto heels), then they might be a bad idea, but not because they are sexy. (Maybe some of you ladies can balance on one stiletto-ed foot while impaling the attacker with the other, but I'm pretty sure I'd end up assaulted AND with a sprained ankle).

I'm in agreement with the LW's concerns. First the BF doesn't want her to ride the bus in party clothes, then he won't want her going out without him at all, then he won't want her socializing with her friends... before anyone realizes it, the friend is cut off from the rest of the world and from reality checks. A definite alarm is the friend treating the BF's concern over the clothing as the last word on the subject, suggesting that he has made clear his veto power over her actions in the past.

If the guy was simply protective he would have offered to drive them or encouraged her to take a cab each way.