Does the boyfriend have a key to LW's place? Maybe I missed it, but nowhere has LW stated that he does.

If BF has a key to LW's place, but LW doesn't have a key to BF's place, there's a clear power/control issue.

If not, why should BF give a key to his place without getting

one to LW's place in return? There is nothing at all wrong with BF not wanting to give LW a key if BF doesn't have a key to LW's place.

Either way I agree with Cary. LW should not just dump the guy; instead, she should arrange her life so that she does not need a key to BF's place. That may be a little less convenient and BF may not like it, but tough cookies, it's the price of that kind of privacy.

Trust isn't something you can demand; it's something that has to be earned.

I agree with your feeling about the BF not wanting a key to LW's place, but that's not the issue.

It's simple fairness that if LW wants a key to BF's place, BF should have a key to LW's place. We don't know for a fact if BF has a key, or has even been offered one.

If what BF wants is for the relationship to have certain limits, such as LW not having a key, that's perfectly fine as long as those limits go both ways. Plus BF has to accept the natural consequences: LW isn't going to spend as much time there, isn't going to do many of the things she's been doing, and most of all isn't going to be unreasonably inconvenienced by lack of a key. Let BF shop for his own groceries if he won't give a key and cannot guarantee to be there before LW shows up. Simple as that.

I've been in long-term serious relationships where keys were shared, and in others where they weren't. Also did the hide-a-key thing. All can work but the natural consequences have to be accepted.

Yes, it's another thing that BF doesn't stay at LW's place.

But LW does not say why BF doesn't stay at her place. Does he just refuse with no reason? Does one of them have pets that need care or trigger allergies? Is LW's place far away, small, or have some other problem?

Our feelings and inferences are not a substitute for facts.