"Imagine what it would be like to have parents who were so oblivious to you as an individual that they were incapable of recognizing that you were suffering and needed their help. To her parents she was a thing, an elite, medal winning gymnast, not a person."

I didn't get that from the article. If Ms. Sey were pushed/forced to do those things, I say (and said) that it was abuse.

But if she chose to do it, that's a different thing.

"But that is how we treat children: as things."

Who is "we"? I sure don't treat children that way.

"Ms. Sey's parents and coaches exploited her for their needs. We see this not just in athletics: academics, music, too. Parents rationalize - oh, this is what my son/daughter wants - when it is what the parents want."

*SOME* parents do that. Did Ms. Sey's? I don't know.

If they did, she should be angry at *them*, not expressing disdain and hatred for "fans".

"When society as a whole accepts that it is okay for children to be treated as things, there only to fulfill adult needs, it is any wonder that some people cross a line and do horrible tings to children."

So what is 'society' supposed to do? Ban gymnastics for anyone under the age of 18?

"Why can't we see that this is true for our children?"

It's certainly true for *some* parents and *some* children. Not all. Not most.

But if a child has a real talent, and the real desire to go as far as that talent will take them, is it *abuse* for the parents to support it? Was Michael Phelps abused because his parents (and others) made it possible for him to train and compete?

I don't doubt that some children are pushed into things (not just sports) to fulfill parents' desires/wishes/needs. And they should be stopped.

But where and how do we draw the line?

"I don't treat my children "that way" either."

Nor do I.

"But I see many parents who do."

So do I.

"We live in a very competitive area where parents begin to strategize how they'll get Suzy or Timmy into Harvard practically the day they see the pink "+". Their children must be stars:"

I know what you mean. What I take exception to is the idea that this is how "we" treat our children. You don't, I don't, many parents don't. It's how *SOME* - not all - parents behave. And it's just wrong.

"The fact that Ms. Sey's parents ignored the fact that she was depressed and probably suffering from anorexia says a lot about where they were coming from: it was all about their daughter's medals, not their daughter. I don't see how you can interpret that any other way."

Read what Ms. Sey herself says about it here:

http://calitreview.com/713

Her exact words:

Ms. Sey: "I was a very driven and competitive child and continue to be those things, as an adult today. I think it’s just something born into people. Many kids play sports but few endure to the highest levels. It takes a unique combination of drive and affinity. One cannot endure the intensity of the practices, the physical demands, the injuries and the stress of high level competitions unless there is an innate and fiery drive inside."

To me that says it was *her* dream and *her* desire. That doesn't mean her parents didn't make mistakes:

Ms. Sey (about her parents): "We had a hard time for several years following my gymnastics. But we are very close today. I recognize that I drove a lot of what happened. They had a momentary lapse in judgment towards the end which they have apologized for profusely. I recognize that parents make mistakes. And we were all accountable in some ways. We’re good now."

She says her parents made mistakes "towards the end". But also says "we were all accountable in some ways".

And when asked about the final result, she says"

Ms.Sey: "It was worth it. Definitely."

That says to me that, in her case, it wasn't all about the parents pushing her.

"this is not only about athletics not about gymnastics, not about swimming, or any other sport. It is also not only about children violin virtuosos, baby actors, child beauty pageants, or chess prodigies."

I agree.

"It is about how we treat children (yes, we) in our culture."

Who do you mean by "we"? I don't treat children that way and neither do you. Nor do most of the parents I know. (Then again, I shy away from parents who do).

There is no "we" involved.

"So, banning gymnastics, whatever, begs the question."

No, it doesn't.

The big question is, how should things change to avoid such abuse? How does anyone recognize what is right for a truly talented kid, and what isn't?

It's easy to say "there's a problem". What's hard is to come up with real-world solutions. I'm asking for real-world solutions.

--

I can understand Ms. Sey being angry about what happened. I can understand her being angry about some fans who are critical yet have no idea what is really involved in reaching the top levels of anything.

What I am critical of is the tone of her article that says others don't know struggle, don't know sacrifice, don't know what it is to be a kid who works very hard for something. And the statements that unless someone has reached the "elite" level, they haven't really participated in a sport.