writes: "In the story above, it's all about a hapless guy who obeys his wife and priest, being used like a martyr or a hostage."

I presume you mean my story. If so, that's about the size of it.

"But...it doesn't have to be so."

The story is about the past, not the present. If the guy would be 75 today, he was born in 1934 and 20-21 in 1955. Things were a LOT different back then.

"He didn't have to be hapless in his birth control, which seems to be when the fun ended."

What else could he have done? Put yourself in his place: It's 1959, not 2009. His wife won't allow any "artificial" methods. They tried rhythm and it failed in a short time. Sterilization is out because 1) he's only 25 and might want more kids 2) he doesn't know where to go to get it done and 3) he's been told time and again it's a sin.

He wants to do the right thing - what should he have done?

"Marriage and kids are very serious, and unfortunately, people blunder into it or do it "because that's just what people do." Moral of story: don't marry like it's a life raft or "just what people do" or to have sex."

Of course - but what the heck should the guy in the story have done in, say, 1960?

"If you feel you don't want to have kids, use birth control. Because kids deserve to be planned and fully, fully wanted."

I agree! But do you know how much of a battle it took to get those ideas accepted? Do you have any idea what life was like 50 years ago?

It used to be common that Americans lived rather segregated lives. Not just by race or economic level but by religion, ethnicity, and other factors. It was common for people to be completely surrounded by others of the same ethnicity, religion, educational level, etc., and to be insulated from others who were very different.

Sure, some folks escaped. But some did not.

writes: "I can say that the wife was not a factor."

You can say it, but that doesn't make it true.

"You say that you came from an Irish Catholic background."

No, I did not say that at all.

I wrote that I've seen the characteristics I described in SOME I-C families, not that I was in one.

"I was raised in an Irish Catholic home, too. Both my parents were strong willed, to put it mildly. I vividly recall my dad dumping over the kitchen table in anger during a fight. And my mom taking off, driving 175 miles to the small town where her brother lived, to spend the night and cool off.

Despite that, they were married for 51 years, and my dad wasn't sure he was going to make it when Mom died."

That's YOUR family and YOUR experience. Is it possible - just POSSIBLE - that LW's FIL and MIL were different?

I'm sorry for the loss of your sister. But what drove her to end it all may not be the same as what drove FIL.

"I don't fricking care if the MIL is the biggest bitch in the history of Catholicism: SHE did not cause her husband's death."

How do you know for sure? You don't know the people involved. You don't know what really happened.

"In my mind's eye, I can see him, at the age of 20, screaming that accusation at her, upon learning of his father's death."

Why is it that you can imagine that, but cannot imagine that YEARS and DECADES of verbal abuse could drive FIL to end it all?

The claim that MIL was not a factor sounds like a classic blame-the-victim denial. Real life is more complicated than that.

Suppose you had two people with the same mental illness, but one was in a situation where there was support, medication, therapy, etc., geared to helping the person deal with it, and the other had just the opposite. Do you REALLY think they would have the same outcomes?

Your seven step plan is exactly what should be done. Particularly step 3.

It should be remembered that Gary Cooper also starred in "Friendly Persuasion", which takes place during the Civil War.

William Wyler's "The Best Years Of Our Lives" deserves mention too. Even if it didn't have Gary Cooper, it had Harold Russell.

It should be remembered that Rosie the Riveter was actually making things - and paid to do it.

Imagine - manufacturing stuff, right here in the USA!

It should also be remembered that many Rosies were trained to do their jobs, and were paid while being trained.

Imagine - paying Americans to learn needed skills! Investing in education!

What concepts.