"I just wrote about the relationship I found, this mind-blowingly fulfilling and respectful and balanced relationship. At 24, with a 26 year old. A 26 year old who used to go out a lot, meet a ton of people, joke with his friends about never settling down. That all changed, for both of us, in the blink of an eye.

We are twenty-somethings. We know that we want to spend our lives together, supporting and protecting and loving each other, even though we are not done evolving, learning, changing, exploring.

But we will undergo that process together. Because what we've found in this relationship is worth far more than any distant "what if," more than any further sexual exploration, or "shopping around," or trying to "discover" ourselves."

I sincerely hope it works out for you both.

But I for one have seen many, many very promising relationships go on the rocks. People who seemed to be

meant for each other from the start, who now can't even

speak to each other. People who thought their relationship was rock-solid, who found themselves manipulated, abandoned, lied to, cheated on, or just plain ignored, by the person they thought they knew.

I'm not saying it will happen to you. I sincerely hope it doesn't. But it does happen.

"Do any of us ever wake up one day: "Aha! So THAT'S who I am!""

No. But what does happen is that, over time, many people realize they are not who they thought they were. Or worse,

that the person they're with is not who they thought.

"People seriously need to stop it with the age stuff. That's just some platitude older people tell younger people when they don't know what else to say. It's a cop out. Some people are ready at 18, some at 24, some at 40, some never will be ready. But it's more about other factors than it is about age, so can we can it, please, with the ageism?"

The fact remains that the failure rate for marriages goes up dramatically as the couples get younger. That says a lot.

And it's also a fact that modern America doesn't do a good

job of preparing people to spend their lives with one other

person, doing the same day-to-day stuff.

When you're 24, it's a pretty safe bet that you don't have a lot of peers who are divorced.

When you're 54, it's a pretty safe bet that you do have a lot of peers who are divorced.

What has happened with the LW's girlfriend is that she's reached the end of the infatuation/new relationship/joy of discovery stage. Now begins the real-life/day-to-day-with-the-same-guy stage, which lasts a lot longer. And she's not so interested in that stage.

Good luck with your 26 year old. May this time be the least happy of your time together.

The term "feminism" is inadequately defined and has too much baggage attached.

What all should embrace is "equalism", which means equality of opportunity and responsibility, not equality of result.

"I went to my bank to pay off my mortgage. They asked me why and I said I had lost confidence in the banking system."

I don't understand.

If you've lost confidence in the banking system, why would you pay off your mortgage, or any loan?

If the bank has *your* money, and you lose confidence, I could see you wanting to get *your* money out of a shaky

financial institution.

But with a mortgage, *you* have the *bank's* money. So why should you be in a rush to pay it back?

"They are now giving me a song and dance about the payoff but I won't back down."

It seems to me that if they were in trouble they'd be happy for you to give them their money faster.

What am I missing?