Letters to the Editor
JugSouthgate
Published Letters: 209 Editor's Choice: 13
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@student_on_the_rebound
[Read the article: Today in "Ugh": The perfect woman]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"actually, I quite meant "no one would want me.""
OK, then, I misunderstood. But believe me, unless you are monumentally unattractive, *someone* will want you. The tough part (for almost everyone) is putting yourself out there and risking rejection.
I can certainly understand the fear that in a future world with perfect-seeming robots, plain old flawed humans could have a rough time and an astronomical rejection-rate.
"I am actually quite floored by your suggestion, Jug, that men have had to compete with this for some time."
It's the absolute unvarnished truth. Particularly for men who do not have the just-right combination of rich/successful/handsome/confident/hip/socializing know-how.
Men who are not the top-of-the-heap alpha males have experienced how hard it is to compete with an abstract ideal fostered by books, movies, TV, etc. They also know that many women will say one thing ("I want a nice guy") but do another (only date the "bad boys").
"Maybe it's just because I'm on the other side of the gender divide, but I see men sitting back and having their pick."
A *few* men can sit back and have their pick. Very few. The rest of us have to work at it - yet not look like we are working at it. Or even admit we are working at it.
And the work never ends.
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The REAL Equality problem
[Read the article: The education gender gap]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It's not about equality of results.
It's about equality of opportunity.
The purpose of a good educational system is to give each student the education they need to do the best they can, not to produce an "equal" result across various groups.
There may be some things that females, as a group, do better than males, and the reverse, when all cultural and other biases are removed. We don't really know; there hasn't been enough equality of opportunity across gender lines yet.
But even if it turns out that girls are better than boys at some things, or even at most things, or the reverse, it says nothing about how individuals should be educated.
The goal is equality of opportunity.
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It's about extremes
[Read the article: Always a bridesmaid -- who can afford that?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I've never been a bride, and will probably never be one.
But I've observed many brides, and in >99% of cases they are reasonable, caring, and put on a wedding that is tasteful and fun without being extravagant.
It's the other <1% that stick out in memory and the news. "You don't have enough commitment to my wedding" should be answered by "Who are you to demand it?" or some such.
IMHO the most unreasonable new trend is the "destination wedding" that puts everyone who attends to great expense and trouble (passport on less than six months' notice, anyone?) just to get there.
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@peeps1
[Read the article: Always a bridesmaid -- who can afford that?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"mind you this was 20 years ago, so I understand it would be more now"
A lot more now! Look at what cars, houses, gasoline, restaurant meals and many other things (except computers) cost 20 years ago. Heck, just look at postage rates.
"I got a hall off-season, buffet, open bar but limited to beer, wine, mixed drinks, minimum of flowers and bought carnations and small vases and put them on the tables myself, napkins, invites, matches from a catalog, dress off the rack and found a seamstress to do the alternations, designed my own headpiece and has someone put it together, got a dj, and hired a friend for the photog. Family member baked the cake. No video. No limo"
IOW, do-it-yourself, and a design for low cost (off season, small bridal party, etc.) You also eliminated a lot of frills and details.
"It doesn't need to be a big ordeal to be lovely and it certainly doesn't need to be over $10K."
That depends on a lot of factors, like whether you have people you can depend on to do things like bake the cake, what sort of hall you rent, etc. There are also big differences in what things cost in different areas.
What did you do for food? As others have mentioned, in some circles drinks, cake and maybe some little sandwiches will do. In others, there has to be enough food to stuff an army or "it wasn't really a wedding".
"We had fun and isn't that what it is about?"
For most folks, yes. But for some, there are a lot of expectations to be fulfilled besides having fun.
There's also the tendency for the preparations to take on a life of their own.
For example, there's the issue of the guest list growing and growing because if you invite A, you must invite B - and their significant others. Pretty soon the list is a lot bigger than originally planned.
A detail is added here, an item costs more than expected there, a mistake is discovered or a commitment falls through, and pretty soon the original idea and budget are a vague memory.
In the bad old days, brides tended to be younger (often a lot younger) and a lot of the decision-making was done by the Mother of the Bride. (Father of the Bride did the bill-paying). There were also fewer realistic choices; weddings were not as big an Industry then.
Decades of empowerment have made it possible for the Modern Bride to go overboard in ways that MOTB and FOTB would not have stood for in the past. A sense of entitlement pushes the issue too.
The "Sex And The City" movie brings all this out very well.
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QuiteType: It's Being Done
[Read the article: The real high-school musical]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]"Now how cool would it be if the kids wrote, composed and choreographed their own original musicals?"
Search youtube for "radnor senior musical"