determining the extent to which a woman can participate in the freedom of being an adult without being charged with taking part in her own rape is, to some people, fraught with gray areas. if she drinks, if she dances suggestively, if she shows to much skin, if she tells dirty jokes, well, some could say that she made herself a more appealing target to a potential rapist and thus took a risk, the consequences of which she must pay for.

it is interesting to note, however, that few, if any other "risks" is society are accompanied by such castigation of the victim. if the residents of a house leave their curtains open and all of their pretty things are visible to passers by, we wouldnt say they "asked" to be robbed. if someone forgets to lock a sliding glass door and is burgled, we would also probably be sympathetic rather than quick to cast blame. if a man wears a rolex while getting gas in a questionable neighborhood, we also would probably not say he "asked" to be liberated, or should share in the blame of its theft. for some reason, however, rape is treated as Something Completely Different. Somehow, women are able to make themselves available for rape, just by going out, having a drink, going to a party...in short, acting like adults...

i have somehow managed to find myself in two (2) of these types of relationships, and they are exhausting.

in my darkest and most angry moments, before completely getting over my experiences in these relationships, i would remember almost viscerally the attitude of which the LW speaks-- an attitude of "validate me! love me! praise me! give everything you are to me!" that ensures the creation a self fulfilling prophecy, making sure the person who they are positive will abandon them eventually tires of losing him/herself in their desperation and does so.

these low-self esteem people are paradoxically at odds with themselves: they hate themselves, and feel that they deserve nothing. this, ironically, leads to them getting everything--the whole relationship often will revolve around validating, nurturing, reassuring, and tending to them, and the perpetually empty hole in their hearts.

while claiming to deserve nothing, as in the case of the LW's husband, he is somehow creating a situation in which she fears to tell him when he crosses a line, makes her feel bad, or in other ways lets her down. thus, though claiming to deserve nothing, he gets everything. he claims not to deserve her, and perhaps, solely by the way he's acting, he doesn't. he could decide to pull himself up by his bootstraps and be a Big Boy and a good husband; or he can sulk and brood and get her to tend to him.

i can't figure out if this type of person is indeed incredibly depressed or incredibly selfish. in any case, it doesn't matter. the LW can spend her life tending to her needs, or she can tend to her own. it has become clear he is unable, or unwilling, to tend even to himself.

apparently there is now a test of faith to hold office in this country. i can think of no other reason why rick warren, who as far as i know has absolutely no qualifications that relate to politics, the presidency, or policy, would be conducting this type of prime time interview. i think that anyone at the HR department at work is probably about as qualified, in fact, as rick warren. i can't decide if this speaks more to the decline of the political process that there is a de facto test of faith, or the decline of the state of journalism that so few journalists have chosen to ask whether or not this type of event is appropriate in the first place, given that not everyone in the country is christian and again, there is no test of faith to hold office.

as has oft been pointed out, the more educated a person is, the more inclined s/he tends to be towards atheism. unfortunately, however, an atheist's chances of being elected to public office these days are slim to none, and slim just left town. this would mean that the most qualified, most educated people in the country are very likely barred from holding office unless they are prepared to lie about their religious beliefs. statistically speaking, it's a cold day in hell, then, that a highly educated, honest person can be elected to office. no wonder, then, our economy and infrastructure are in the shitter.